I try to change
But it seems I can't
These habits were built into me since the beginning
I need them gone
In order to heal
But how do you heal if you cannot
Forgive the person who ruined you
I wish I wasn't alive
Maybe then things will be better
I'm sorry mom to have done this to you
I tried to change for you
But I wouldn't let me change

No matter what I do
I can never make you happy
You look at me with hatred
As if my presence sickens you
And maybe it does
But I want you to know
That I'm done fighting
These battles with you
I realized now your my demon
You bring me down worst than anyone
I hope you know that you won
I'm giving up
You can take my life now
Isn't that what you wanted?

How am I?
Is the question you ask
But it seems I can't find the answer
Maybe the answer is I feel everything
Drowning with emotions I can't keep in
But then feeling nothing at all
Starving for water that isn't coming
But you don't care  
So my answer is
'I'm fine'

I dream of you
of your eyes filled with light happiness
of your smile that shines bright as the sun
of your laugh that lifts my heart
of your touch that I seem to crave for more
but I awake every morning
missing you more than words I can tell
I lie there waiting for the dream to pass
then wait for the heartache and loneliness that follows
after I dream of you

I hurt you
In the most worst possible ways
But you didn't leave
Instead you stayed when I kept hurting you
You have to understand I never meant to
Hurt you like this
I told you to leave
I told you I would hurt you in every way I can
And I did it more times than we can count
You told me you loved me
And it didn't matter if I hurt you
You didn't want to leave me in my worse times
I wanted you to leave
I wanted you to hurt the way I did
I wanted you to hate me
I wanted you to bruise me
But you wouldn't so I turned your demons against you
The ones you fought so hard against
And for that I'm sorry
That is all I can say