what is wrong?
i ask myself
and always say:
i'm far from the mountains
that cradled my soul
i'm far from the rivers
that carried me home
i'm far from the grasses
i hugged on the plain
i'm far from the islands
i won't see again
since i've the vital strands of nature left
no wonder 'tis my heart that stands bereft

branching out into the universe
a solitary butterfly learns that
pestering God won't turn him
back into a caterpillar.

oh lord
i promise to be good
and true to my word
i promise to look people in the eye
and treat them with the respect they deserve
i promise to try harder
be stronger
and less fragile
grant me this plea
this prayer in the stillness of my heart
just give me one more day to live
one last chance to see the sun set
one final chance to make amends
and say all that twists itself tight in my throat
i beg you to spare me
i thought i wanted death
i wanted it so badly my lips were bitter with tears
it seemed better than facing the world
it seemed easier than facing myself
and the ones i claim to love (yet hurt so badly)
wouldn't everyone be happier
if i just disappeared
into the night
onto the welcoming cement so far below
it beckoned me
and
i
  threw
   myself
    into
     its
      arms
it is only when i struggle to draw breathe
that it hits
and ravages whats left of me
i realize i wanted to grow old
and watch my children prosper
i wanted to stare out at the world one day
and smile at what i saw
i wanted to live for all that i was to gain
and lose
so what if it hurt
so what if i was broken
so what if it was hard
it was still a gift
one that i had wasted so thoughtlessly
lord
if you are there
do not judge me when i come before you
i wanted wanted reprieve and looked for it in all the wrong places
and it was my demise
Esther L. Krenzin

I vow to you an oath
from now until my death
to starfall and the rise
of the blood moon in the skies:
I'll love you, I'll love you
till the west wind creeping strong
comes along, comes along
to beat the mountains down!

Till the sun, far above
and the heav'ns and earth collide
making every green thing die
there I'll lie, there I'll kneel
over eons, overzealed.
Till the river changes hue
and escapes the oceans blue
I'll love you, I'll love you….

My brain is a bowl of hot steaming stew
Never decided on what it shall do:
Boil this moment, pop in the next
Outline an opus or spew scattered wrecks
Catch on a small thought, stubborn as steel
Caring not for what its owner might feel
Ruin a party, clothesline a dream
Embrace a stranger, mend a torn seam
Lead me to valleys ahead of the wind
With constant recalling of how I have sinned

bluebird, blackbird
sailor, sun
multi-star, hegemon
chariot, gun
tree-perched wings
sea breeze cloud
laughing, crying
dying out loud

even if nothing arises
from the smog of a
million desperate minds'
hopes and beliefs

even if the world is
cold and without soul
and reality is
just what we see

enjoy those thoughts
those beautiful thoughts
if just for their sake
at the least