My parents are not proud.
My siblings are not glad.
My friends are not real.
My family thinks I'm mad.
I'm slowly falling apart.
I am waiting for the day
When some one thinks I'm good enough.
I'm waiting till they love me.
I'm waiting for them to care.
I'm waiting for that day,
I try my best to stay.
I can't wait for them to hold me.
And whisper in my ear
"You matter"
I'll shake and hug them back.
"Thank you"
Waiting is a real hard thing.
Especially when you know
Who they are, where they are.
Just not if they care.

-3nwlry

And that night,
When the show choir sang that song.
I realized everything would be different.
Everything would change when summer ends.
They will both leave, in different ways,
And I will be alone, yet again
No one to hold, no one to talk to
Everything could change when school ends.
She will graduate. He will move.
The others will stop talking to me.
I will be all alone. They will be gone.
Everything will change when May ends.

-3nwlry

I won't lie, he wasn't the one.
Neither was he.
I am still alive, I still think I'm fine.
I crossed out all the poems
I scratched out the songs.
I deleted all the texts
That connected him to me.
We don't talk anymore
I am not bothered.
We don't see each other anymore.
We're thousands of miles away.
I know I'll never win.
I know I won't receive.
Somebody who will love me.
Yet I still dream of the one.
I don't know who he is.
I don't know his name.
I don't know where he lives.
I don't know anything.
And yet I hope we'll meet.
So he can take me from this place.
Everyone has some one..
I know that's a fact.
But I don't think I do.
My one left me again.
When I woke up, it wasn't the same.
I don't ever get "the one"

-3nwlry

I feel like
The first time
I'm drowning.
Drowning.
The days are hard
I'm drowning.
Fifty feet under water
I can't breath
No one helps me.
I'm drowning
Drowning

-3nwlry

Even a phone call would work now.
I don't think I could look at you.
I just need some one to tell me it's not true,
That I'm not thinking straight.
But maybe that's a lie.
Maybe I just need you.
It's time to say that even though
I said I didn't like you,
I think things might end up your way.
Of course I don't believe you like me.
I don't believe you care.
I think you'll use me.
I know we should stay just friends.
But I might end up regretting
The decision that I made.
I need you to hold me
To say I'll be okay.
Don't believe my smile.
Please look through my lies.
"It doesn't matter" hole me close.
I want the same as you.
We just want love and to love
People truly love you.
It might not be as true for me.
But please don't leave yet,
You are all I have right now.
Please don't leave me.
Please don't say goodbye.

-3nwlry

Have I lost my mind?
Lost and found inside.
To myself, I've cried.
In the dark I hide.
I'm the light I died
Wait for me
Wait for me
I'm almost there...

-3nwlry

If you hate me, go ahead.
Run me through
with the knife you hold.

But before you do,
Listen up.
Listen to my words.
You'll turn blue with cold,
And green with sickness.
Pale with horror.

And you should stop.
Before you do something
You'll regret.

Crossing me
With the knife that you plan to use,
It's a sin. You'll go to hell.
And I will not feel sorry.

It's up to you,
You have the knife.
Choose right now if you will.
And if you do.
Goodbye, friend.

-3nwlry

I know that I'm a F up, mess up,
A really big mistake.
I know that you won't tell me, but I should run away.
I know that you don't want me, like me,
Hope to see me smile.
So I just stay here in my room, dreaming for that day.

-3nwlry

I did it yet again
Didn't last two months.
Only three cuts,
But it burns worse like never before.
Not twelve weeks
But it came back again.
I told you I was broken,
You never understood.
You told me to get better,
I did not believe.
And now it comes back
To haunt me.

The blood isn't much
But it is quite red.
The pain isn't strong
But the stinging for worse.
The burning is familiar.
My anxiety backed off.
Tomorrow I'll have to hide it.
So they will not get mad.
Maybe if I show him,
he will cry.
I know if I tell him,
he will wonder why.
They say that I'll get better
But they never tell me when.
They tell me I'll get stronger,
But they never tell me when.
And it still comes back
To haunt me.

-3nwlry

Oh you left me here alone,
And I can barely pick up the phone.
Cause you show up in my dreams,
When I don't ask you to be.
Oh You left me
And I'm lonely.
Guess I'm not over you.

I thought I was over you
At least a little bit, it's true.
Oh this is happening
Give me a moment
To catch my breath.
And I'm scared now,
Cause you're not answering.

You have a girl with you,
Is that true?

And I get it, I'm not for you
I'm not for anyone, anybody yet.
I'm fine, I swear that it's true
I'm just not over you.

I wish I was over you.
As I fight the urge to text or call,
Cause it will never be the same at all.

You left and you moved on.
I'm here singing this song.
That's okay, I swear I'm fine,
I just thought that you were mine.

Oh this is happening.
Don't look at me now,
Cause I can barely make a sound.

You seem happy,
And I'm lonely.
Cause I'm just not over you,
No I'm not over you.

At least I don't have to see you
Everyday anymore.
And At least I can't stare
while you hold her tight.
Please don't hold her tonight.

I don't wanna hear about it,
How your hands together fit.
Does her smile light up your day
While I'm here, fading away?
Oh, Do you say you love her
Just like you told me, the same mistake?

I used to be her, I know
I guess I won't pick up the phone.
If you're happy when I'm lonely.
Then just stay away from me.

I am fine now, I swear this time
I'm glad crying is not a crime.
If you knew how I felt about it all,
Would you still not call?
You said you love her too.
When I'm not over you.

-3nwlry

As I sit in this room.
Wondering what to do.
I sat myself next to "friends"
Who don't fully understand.
I was told to be my best.
And not show how I feel.
I was told to sit still
But I can't even manage that.
I try to pretend I'm not me.
My "friends" ask how I am
I say "ok" and leave it that.
They look at me with unbelief
So I say "I'm just a little tired."
They think they care.
I'm sure they know
That I'm a little different.
They end up leaving with the bell.
I sigh.
We will see how this ends.

-3nwlry

As I look upon the ticking clock
Questioning of I'll live,
I'm stuck wondering how they are.
The people that I left.
I wonder if they remember
Who I long to be.
If they recall
The faint memories,
Like music notes from old.

But even if they don't
They needed worry.
I will remember
All the days and nights
Even when you grow old.

I slowly begin to see
That they might not remember details.

But they remember me.

-3nwlry

The tread farther into the dark.
Babies crying
Fathers dying
And all of them asking when.
When the sun will rise again
And the cold will be at an end.

They slowly start to fall down.
Now babies dying
Mothers crying
And all of them ask why.
Why they can't receive a home.
And why men tore it away.

They hear laughing and calling
Families loving
Friends embracing
All of them thanking God.
Thanking that they sent them.
Thankful they found a home.

-3nwlry

Waiting, wishing, wonder
Crawling, yelling, yonder
Wasting, walking, wander
"Time is money"
"Money is freedom"
I do not believe.

-3nwlry

Once upon
A single moon,
I wished upon
A shooting star
To be myself.
I tried and tried
But people laughed
I cried and cut
And bled like mad.
No one understood.

Once upon
A single moon,
I wished upon
A shooting star
To be with you.
But I up and left.
Then we split up.
That's okay.
I'm fine.

-3nwlry

I'm tired of you telling me what to do
I'm tired of repeating what you say
I'm tired of you telling me
How to act how to play
How to live my life.
They say you only want the best for me
But that is not very right.
One day I will show you
How I choose to live
We'll see who wins
I'll be free
You will find out
You never got me
You never got to me.

I wonder if one day
You will say my name
And ask me me to help you.
I will smile and say few words.
"So you remembered I was here"
I am not sure what I will do
I'm not sure if I'll help.
I will show you
How I love how I act
What I choose
Tell me now,
Did I drive you mad?
Did I get to you?

-3nwlry

Once when we see younger
You used to tell us so,
One day when we're older
We would not turn out to much.
But now we live out years
Singing out our hearts.
I think you were mistaken
Just watch what we've become.

Watch us as we reach.
watch us as we fall.
Watch us while we sing.
Watch us at the top!
Watch us calling out:
Am we still not good enough?!
You hurt mother every night
And sister every day
I will stand talk and say:
Watch us as you fail!

When I was still young,
I watched you as you yelled
You told me to be a man.
You got drunk and mean.
You don't tell me what to do
Take your own advice.
Stay away. stay away.
We only need mother.

Watch us as we reach.
watch us as we fall.
Watch us while we sing.
Watch us at the top!
Watch us calling out:
Am we still not good enough?!
You hurt mother every night
And sister every day
I will stand talk and say:
Watch us as you fail!

As the final curtain falls
I hope you realize
what we've become.
We are stronger now,
Than you have ever been.
We will stand strong
We will shut you down.
We will show you how
You have harmed us so.

Watch us as we reach.
watch us as we fall.
Watch us while we sing.
Watch us at the top!
Watch us calling out:
Am we still not good enough?!
You hurt mother every night
And sister every day
I will stand talk and say:
Watch us as you fail!

And when you take
That final breathe
When you fall
Down to the floor
As you realize
You are alone.
I hope you think of us.
Your children
That you left.
Your spouse,
You abused.
The family you tore
I wonder if you'll cry
Try for some remorse.
Before you meet
Your God.

-3nwlry

Make me a time machine
To go over all they said.
I'm my head, in my head
They are screaming.
"Little liar"
"***** freak"
Do you see what they did to me?
Now I see. Now I see.
I am useless.

Make me a time machine
To fix the mess I made.
Now it's bad, it is bad
I don't get it.
"Stupid child"
"Cutter" "dumb"
Can't get leave me alone?
Now I see. Now I see.
I am worthless.

Make me a time machine
To understand what they did to me.
How can it be? How can it be?
I can't fix this.
I should have noticed
All of the turns, all the trials.
Now I see. Now I see.
I am broken.

-3nwlry

I stare at this blank paper
Thinking what to write.
My mind is filled with thoughts of you.
But I can never tell you.
How I really feel.
I moved away without a choice;
Here and you or there and no one.
They made me leave without goodbye.
You won't read this message.
I tried to fly but I fell, they laughed at my tears.
My eyes are glazed
My wrists are cut,
I'm crying in my room.
I haven't felt much since I left:
Sadness, loneliness, hate.
I wonder if you think of me,
Or if you forgot the memories that we made.
The stories that I shared.
Now I'm here in this loud place
Wishing I was there.
The only way I see you
Are in my dreaming hours.
I feel more alive in my head
Then I do in life.
The days are cold, the nights are colder.
I shiver head to toe.
I can't feel much anymore:
Cold, numb, tired.
My dreams are better than my days
Even if they end, I wonder if there is a way
To stay asleep forever.
I wish to see you again
But then I remember why
Why we talk no more
Why we stopped the hellos
But I know deep in my heart
I still wish to see you.
I don't want to feel.

-3nwlry

I used to hate myself.
There's no other way to say it.
I used to hurt myself.
There's no easy way to tell.
But now that I'm months clean,
And I have a reason to stay.
I'm not sure.
I think I like me?
I might stay here.
We'll see how long it lasts this time.

They say it was my head.
They say it was my mind.
I think it was my outlook.
Maybe it was the year.
But I think I might stay like this
For at least a little longer.

I'm not sure.
Do I like me
Or do I just like this life?
Do I like the life
or is it just him?
Did he change me,
or did I?
I'm not sure anymore.
I changed a lot of things,
I cut a few fake friends.
I dunno,
This could work.
I'm not sure,
This might work.
Maybe I can be happy.


-3nwlry