I'm tired
Of being
Someone
I can't be

And I'm tired.
I'm tired.
I'm so
*******
Tired
And angry
And done
And tired
And tired
And tired
And anxious
And angry
And frustrated
And angry
And ******
And sad
And lonely
And tired
And tired
And overwhelmed
And stressed
And tired
And anxious
And angry
And angry
And done

And tired

And tired

And tired

And-


-Cnwlry

I am a pigeon.
Once a pet
Once loved
Wanted
Cared for
...But now...
"Filthy"
"Diseased"
But the only disease
Is the lack of care
That I can't live without.


-Cnwlry

Dear Dad,
I miss you.
Even if I know
You were a bad dad.
I'm still scared to stand up to you
But daddy...
I miss talking to you
I still miss having a dad
And even though I'm different
I hope you miss me too.
I've always tried very hard
To be someone you could love.
Even though I've always known
I'd fail.


-Cnwlry

Past birthdays
Wishing to make it to the next.
Well here I am
Mourning the girl who isn't.

-Cnwlry

A dark room
Hiding in the corner
Barely singing a song
Whispering the words
"Happy birthday-"
Choking back tears
holding arms to chest
"-to me."
Letting out a cry
"Happy birthday-"
Thinking about people
the ones downstairs laughing.
"-to me."
Celebrating since they won't.
"Happy birthday-"
At least it'll be sung with the right name.
"-dear Cole."
Tears stream down
Quickly wipe them away
"Happy birthday-"
Jumping, hearing a door slam in the house
"-to me."
Laying down
Rocking back and forth.

I open my eyes.
My birthday again.
Is it really two years later?
Fake birthday wishes sent.
At least this year I won't be alone.

-Cnwlry

Writing feels impossible.
It's not that I don't want to
Or that I don't have motivation for it.
The words are still inside,
Waiting to escape.

Maybe I got used to silence.
Finally. Right?
But I still have too much to say
And no one to hear it.

I try to say what I think
But no one gets it.
They say trauma is trauma
And if it affects me then it is.

But while I stare at the screen
Feeling hollow
I know that others feel the same.
So I will write.

I will write even though it hurts me.
I will write to you though I don't know you.
I will write till my fingers bleed.
I will write so we are not alone.

I'm here.

-Cnwlry

As I stare into your soul,
though I know it's untrue,
I worry that you'll leave.

-Cnwlry