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I’m just passing it along,
All has come – to become gone

But for a fleeting instant at most
love is a guest of an eager host

I become aware that sender I must be,
which is how it now arrives with thee

This golden dove, thy gaze, the time
Carried by messenger from the Divine

Over the Bizarre – this cloud passing by –
Is a trader’s exchange across a bartering sky

Tis only suspended by my arresting eye
Then off again, I let it fly

A poem, a song, a painful illness
Ecstatic whirling around the axis of stillness

Gone from gone, as gifts unwrap
What’s given is done, to be given back

Finding it’s way to hand and heart
By hand and heart once had a start

So you who arrive had come before
I saw another close a door

Waiting, a package sent to ourselves
arriving like stars in a hearts black well

I lean over the edge of introspection
Down to dark waters of a captive reflection

In the ripples of light and shadow I see
A present returned, and the present is me

Am I light emitted or light received
Where am I on the wheel of destiny

All I seek is its cycle’s center
Blessed reunion of recipient and sender
Lemons and lies
Make sour lives
Strawberries and cream
Make life a scream
So does a blade when I catch you lying.
© JLB
12/01/2015
23:11 GMT
How am I still holding on?
Wasting my time
When I know you've gone

I still drift back to younger days
I wasted my time over you
I tried to understand, I failed

You stayed with me up until I realised,
you were gone.
You were never mine.

I saw you the other day
I was sat in a café people watching
I saw you, I watched you.

I ached for you, for me, for the past
For regrets, missed opportunities, failed declarations
Realisation that together we were friends, almost more.

In a crowd we were separate beings
Societal dictats stood in place, never to be questioned.
I watched you in the crowd from the café

Watched you looking my way
Steam from my latte bringing a haze to my eyes
Oh how many nights I cried for you.

Wanting you, needing you,
hurting inside for you, denying others "just in case"
You denied me then I deny you now.

Stay in the locked box deep in my soul
Memories in a woman's heart
can never be stolen or forgotten.

I left the café with an ache
Turned the corner, felt your stare
Then, saw my husband standing there.

To him I moved my wheelchair forward
To him I kissed my ache away
To him I will always stay

I turned for a final glance
Looked at you standing in the drizzle
You stared not at me, but the chair.

Realisation shone on your face
Confusion clouded those eyes
I am her, but not now.

Your height, your hair, your brown eyed stare
You're all that I remembered and more.
21 years have spun away, as did I that day.
© JLB
12/01/2015
13:26 GMT
  Jan 2015 Camellia-Japonica
betterdays
My body
Your playground
Our delight

I do not speak
This truth often enough
I play with the words

I forget you need these words
They are your strong trees,
Sun and rain and soil

I  forget the tall strong branches
that shelter us...all

Are made of small things
that still need, sustenance
to grow.

I do not decline to speak this truth,
not from harshness or forgetfulness.

But simply because,
it is before me always
Like breath or hope
It is in the air and always deep within the essence of my being

I have hope that this my life
That these my better days
Sing the truth in alleuhja chorus's
For the world to see and dance to...

but yet we all need,
these truths whispered often into a waiting ear....

You my my oak,
You are my one true love,
My joy, my hope,
my friend.



Your body
My playground
Our delight.
  Jan 2015 Camellia-Japonica
Sjr1000
Pay your quarters
pay your dimes
you're paying for laundromat time
slowly spinning
forgotten
by
Einstein's Theory of Relativity.

Minutes become hours
and
there are still too many hours to go.

Any math class
intense gas
organized religion
waiting for the tow truck,
the bus
in
the pouring frozen rain.

Sitting in the E.R.
with a cut finger
waiting waiting waiting.

Sitting in the hospital room
with an elderly distant relative
you hardly know,
their funeral too.

At the grandparents house
with endless repeats of Judge Judy
on the t.v.
t.v. droning monotoning on and on and on.

Any work day
perpetually two thirty or three,
in meetings with presentations
with more presentations to go,
you're trying to be productive,
but all you know
is
laundromat time
slowly spinning.

Any night of insomnia,
betrayals endless loops,
anxiety rolling through,
following you from one cigarette to another
three o'clock
four o'clock
four-twenty.

Home movies of endless barbeques
I know meaningful to you.

Pictures of people's
cats and dogs
a hundred more to go.

Eight and a half months pregnant,
kiddie soccer on a Sunday morning at 7:30,
the middle school brass band
Friday night at nine,
yes, that's me
passed out and snoring,
laundromat time
a warm blanket
has
put me under.

Anybody else's endless fascinations
say
pictures of weather,
laundromat time sets in
as the
eye lids flutter
narcolepsy sets in with all of this clutter.

So the next time
you're standing in line
and the woman in front is telling
the clerk
every detail you never wanted to know
you'll think about these poor lines
and remember
you're spinning in laundromat time
forgotten by Einstein.

In fact these poor lines
must be feeling that way too
I am going to do you a favor
and
get back to you later.
A laundromat in the USA is where you go to do laundry if you don't have a washer/dryer at home. Time slows down, it's a known fact.
I looked at you tonight and I saw you.
Not the you that's in a photo, or the you at work,
I saw you.
I saw those brown eyes with lashes curled
I saw your soft brown hair flopping over those eyes.
Those eyes that wear glasses, to me a perfect imperfection.
You stared at the distance, seeing nothing at all, yet,
understanding everything.
Slowly with the hands of a pianist you ran your fingers through your hair and took those glasses off.
Yet, still the bewildered stare.
I'd like to say, that, your not seeing me let me in.
I saw your irritating habits;
(i) not pairing socks
(ii) squeezing the toothpaste from the middle
(iii) not clearing away as you cook
(iv) hating my choice of music
(v) hating vegetables
(vi) loving me
~
The list of perfect imperfections goes on,
but as I watch you staring at nothing,
I would say perfection is overrated
You are my perfection.
I'm sorry I had to go and leave you
Life isn't perfect, and neither is death.
And as I watch your tears fall
I realise I only had one perfect imperfection: you.
© JLB
12/01/2015
01:32 GMT
You lay by me on the cold shale,
I hear your breath soft and deep
I know that you are not asleep
anymore than I am.
We came here for the peace
We came here for the obscurity
We came here for you to lie me down in a lay-by
For you to lie and watch me die.
© JLB
11/01/2015
04:44 GMT
UK a place at the side of a road where a vehicle can stop for a short time without interrupting other traffic:
We pulled into a lay-by to look at the map.
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