It is days like this that I wish for a thunder storm, because maybe the crashing thunder and blinding lightning will drown out the storm brewing in my head.

I am quiet. I am shy. But don’t you dare think for a minute that that means I have no voice. I am short, and I don’t speak unless called on, but don’t you dare think that that means that I am any less of a person. I have a voice, and I will be heard. I was forgotten on the bus because I was too quiet, too small, too shy. I am afraid to look people in the eye, to walk past a male without feeling in danger. I have been shoved, pushed, squished, and squashed! So I am fed up, and trust me, you don’t want to make me mad.

I am 14, I am a female, and I have a voice! I have opinions, and you **** well better listen! I will have opinions about my life, and I will have a say in the matter. You can try to put me down, but I’m already short! You wanna know why us short people have such fiery tempers? It’s because we are closer to hell. And we will give it to you too.

Don’t you dare tell me that I can’t. I can do anything, and I will do it better than you ever could. I was captain of my baseball team for 5 years. Yes, that’s right boys, I, the quiet, nerdy, small girl bossed your ***** around on the field.

My step-father insists I have no voice. Now, as I’ve said before, you know I do. My step-father insists that I am too young, my step-father insists, that I, know nothing. I want to yell, I want to scream out: “YES I DO!” But my mother insists I stay quiet. My mother insists that I should submit to his whims, my mother insists that I must behave for him, to not anger him, DO NOT ANGER THE BEAST! This is what I am taught every day!

Don’t you dare make him mad, don’t you dare have opinions, don’t you dare have a say. Because you are a 5’4, 14 year old female, raised by a single mother and a ***** donor. Because you come from the bottom of the heap, so why should you? Because you are bullied, because you are quiet, shy, short, nerdy, and you want to have a voice.

There is a number in my phone
That I never call
But its just there
There is a promise I made
To never call
So its just there
Its impossible to erase it
And there is no reason why its there
But its just there
I never message
Or call it
Or get a call
Or a message from it
But its just there
If someone ever asks me for it
I’ll probably say I don’t have it
Or that I never had it
And they will not trust me
But that’s what I’ll say
That its not there
But its just there
I know it by memory
It will probably change someday
Get new random digits
But it does not matter
It is not there only on my phone
Its not just a number
But its just there
Its probably out of my call list
Or not
Coz I keep deleting all others to make it be there
Or when it goes away
I just dial it to have it on the list
To know that I know the number
To know that its there
I shall never call the number
It will never get answered if I do
I shall never get a call
I might not answer if I do
But its just there
And if someday I erase my phone
I’ll probably feed it back in
But won’t ever call the number
Won’t ever get a call
But I’ll just want to have it
To know that I know the number
To know
That its there

I'm so sick of honesty
I just want to lie here and be me
Cause the only thing I want to be
Is the thing that makes me happy
And I know that I can't be that thing
But, hell I'll keep trying
This isn't my last scene
I've got another act to go
But you're saying cut and I listen
As I’m about to, you yell no
Like which one is it?
Am I doing what’s right or what isn’t?
What I want or what you’ve written?
Well too late, what’s done is done
But you’re yelling at me for things I’ve not done
I'm a dead-shot with my words
But yours shot me dead you see
Cause I'm not missing you
And you're not missing me

Don't ever fall in love with a poet
because they will indeed admire and watch your every move
they will write about how the pen marks on the side of your palm when you write
don't ever because they will trace
every single freckle you have on your face and
write about the color of each and every one of them and
describe how they smile so brightly under the sunlight
they will want you to want to know every little thing about them
even if it's just what hand they write with and want you
to be wondering why they write with that specific hand when in
reality it doesn't even matter

the poet will watch the way you dig
your eyes onto that book and your small quick remarks onto the 26 letters all crumpled together and will know that everyday at 5:28 p.m. you smile

they will look deeply into your eyes
to see if they can at least take a little
peak of your soul and they will write
about you like if you were the only
thing they see good in this world

they will want to know what you think
about when you look at them and
see if you also count each and
every freckle and hope and write  
that you do but they will
love you endlessly and they will
show you that they love you and only you

but don't date a poet if you aren't
capable to watch them and
admire their imperfections
when they sleep late at night
beside you.

j.f

I wrote all of these little words for you but without them I don't know what I'd do. I refuse to again lose you, because now I'm losing these too and I'm so afraid of what's next.

I'm like the ocean and babe
you're like my sky
I promised I wouldn't be just another guy
Honey, remember I am always here for you
And when you feel down
we can both be blue.

What if we traded places? Keep the same feelings and kept the same faces. If I'm the sky, be my perfect blue. Because even with all my clouds they'll still think of you. At night be my shining stars. People around the world will find beauty in you miles apart.

Babe if I'm the sky please be my ocean blue; an infinite amount of perfection, an arrow in the right direction; I just wouldn't be me without you.

I'm like the ocean and babe
you're like my sky
I promised I wouldn't be just another guy
Honey, remember I am always here for you
And when you feel down
we can both be blue.