I always make people happy

I make laughs
And smiles

No one makes me happy
Or laugh , smile

I've lived in so
Many houses
I've never had a home

I swam in a swimming pool
So much water in my head
I drowned

I was deep down
I can't breathe air anymore


All i see from underwater is
Smiles
And the laughs

The blue waves
On the surface

I don't ask your permission
to make a fool of myself,
tell you publicly
what my near, dear ones
have almost no clue

my mental torment,
headache-constant,
imperial and impervious
poetry, pills, therapy,
caring words
don't pay my kind of bills

a man has a job.
Feed you family.
Protect and serve.

do  it well,
there is no acceptable excuse.
none.

was supposed to be easing on down,
slipping under.

come so far, my soul is old.
my tired is w/o definition.
the legs, knotted shoulders,
body aging faster than I can write.
the doctors only give me
if's and unless's,
contingencies in order
to die a little slower

warped, reversal of causality,
the older I get,
the more mouths to feed.
tough, this unexpected situation,
a nine lives time survivor,
do it again?

defraud myself,
living like I can afford
to write,
with courageous reckless abandon,
when earnest is deadly
and Lady Luck gave me the finger.

simply amazing.
eyes, constantly tearing,
nobody notices.

Do not ! Like this poem,
don't.
hate weak,
been strong so long.
this well, just got dregs left,
drudgery ain't potable, or even
worth drinking.

need nothing,
for myself, need nothing.
not one object on this planet
want to posses or be possessed by.

Monday wrestle with strife,
star in my reality show once again.
now, deny reality.

Do not!
Like this poem,
don't.
hate weak,
been strong so long.

my voice is stilled,
it's poverty exposed,
ashamed of every word I ever wrote.

hush me not, for tis true,
write on for an audience of one,
on but one subject,
a life, mine,
yet, still unmastered,
after decades of trying.

poverty exposed,
a life unmasked
for what it is worth,
or not.

i could live without you,
but that is something that would be hard to achieve
as if i wanted to succeed in something like forgetting about you
because you run laps around my head,
to the point where my brain has to stop you
just so your legs don't give out

i always told myself to not allow another human to become my happiness
but you make my heart so bright
kind of like i swallowed yellow paint,
but without all the toxic side effects

i was in a rut for awhile
but your touch made all the good come back to me
like it never left
and i felt okay on my own
but you made my okay burst into a thousand great's

and that's more than enough
you are more than enough