The warmth I find in your arms gives me inner peace that is difficult to navigate alone.
The love in your eyes gives me inspiration no beautiful scenery can.
The acceptance that you wash over me is one I will never claim myself.
The grace of you is one I am forever grateful for.

What does it mean to be in a place you’ve dreamt of and still be crying?

Right now, I’m just a someone
Nothing great, just a someone
I am a someone, maybe less
Not whole, just broken, full of regrets

Wish I know what I want to do
I’m just a someone lost in the woods
No one else left to help me stand up
I’m only with the wolves, waiting to eat me up

Running for my life on bare feet
Splinters and cuts are etched too deep
I don’t mind them no, I just want to get out
22 years and I still haven’t been found

Tell me how to save someone’s life
Ran too fast and jumped from the heights
Now I’m in the water, drowning
Let me stay here, let this be the ending

Don’t want to go back, no one misses me
The say they love me, but why didn’t they try to find me?
I’m deciding to die here, just leave me be
I’ll be happier on the other side, don’t you see?

Just sleep on your cushion, nice and safe
Four walls around you, no storm can break
This is just life, you’re meant to be happy
Someone’s sad, that’s her destiny

I am all alone.
In a world that I do not know.
I am all alone.
Without a friend or foe.
I am all alone.
Without a mate or love.

I keep wondering,
Would I survive alone?
Is there better out there?
Is our *** life normal?
Should I explore my sexuality like I wish I could?
I keep wondering,
Would I survive?
Is there a new best friend out there?
Is the one I have now no longer mine?
I keep wondering,
Would I ever leave him?

He talks of love and trust and a future.
But every time he goes out,
All I can remember is that he cheated on his ex of 5 years.
All I can remember is how he shared an apple with a flirty girl right in front of me. How he yells to the strangers on the sidewalks to say “hello”.
How he yelled at me when I did not share my bed.
How he becomes mean and aggressive when he takes too many sips,
How he is a new person when alcohol is mixed.
In the moments or hours rather of silence,
All I think of is the girls attempting to flirt with him.
The girls that said I was not good enough for him.
The friends that said he could do better than me.
His voice talking to another girl other than me saying he is friendly but not seeing the glint in her eyes.
All I can think of is him cheating on me even though he has done no such thing.
I know he loves me.
I know I am good enough, I know I am The best girlfriend he could ever have.
******* it I know I am the best thing that ever happened to him.
But is he the best thing that ever happened to me?
The thought in my head says yes.
The darkness hides when we are together and he gives me moments of happiness.
And maybe this is why I am so afraid to lose him.
Is this why I tell him to leave?
Is this why I try to leave?
So I can say I left and was not left behind?
I know I am the best.
I do not know if intoxicated him is as trustworthy as sober him.
I do not know if all the worry is worth it.
If I am a chore to him what does that say about me?
Is it all my trust issues?
Even if it is should he not be accommodating to my feelings?
It has almost been 3 years.
Will we even get to 3 years?
Almost is such a bitter word.

And I wonder,
Late at night,
Are these tears worth it?