I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

I hide my behavior
to keep you safe.

I keep quiet
not to offend you.

I agree with you
to keep you happy.

I walk on eggshells
for you and
it’s never enough.

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

but when the truth
arrives at that
final moment;

jaws will drop
plates will shatter
dogs will growl

and
you’ll be long gone
after seeing what
a ghastly beast
I am

but for now

I lie
and
I lie
and
I lie

to keep us
together.

I’m in Vietnam right now overlooking the city at 3am watching the ** Chi Minh lights work their shades of violet and jade into the black mass of night.
there’s a lot of poverty out there and with it a lot of generosity.
I commend them for that because while deep-rooted in the garden bed of desolation, I can’t override these frustrations on feeling defeated.
I went to school, participated, put forth the effort and made the grade but the board felt I wasn’t worthy enough when it came to the final test.
the only thing I achieved was retaining monikers such as loser and failure because I have lost and I have failed.
the smallest obstacle had become my biggest hurdle and I am too mentally and physically exhausted to quash it.
each step I take feels frozen and keeps dragging across wet cemented floors
& the skies have listened to my screams
but delivers no answers.
my god, have I given up?
it’s not likely for me to do so.
especially when so much was riding on life.
I watch the motorbikes zoom pass my psyche
as a Tiger beer falls from the balcony and shatters in the debris. a wet heavy sorrow suffocates my heart.
I sob. I weep. I cry. I fall. I wail.
I must resurrect and rise like the sun, the smoke, the symphony but my focus escapes me and I lose my hope.
my mind turns to the system; they decide
who makes a better world and who gets
tucked away in the dust.
but I can’t blame the system, only myself and
my inabilities to try once again until
I’ve reached my success.
I gaze over a man yelling at a woman while roasting a chicken down below.
they’re trying to make it out there on the ***** streets of Saigon.
fighting to survive. one more day. one more time. one more ounce of life.
and my biggest struggle is only with myself.
my stubborn brain clashing against everything I worked so hard for.
beating myself up, tearing myself down,
all that time, money and effort: wasted.
it was all  for nothing, I screamed, it was all for nothing as my half naked woman sleeps behind a green curtain and a red rooster crows at another new day full of possibility.

She is a moment-
Carried by all waves,
Shouldn't  you show me
Some way out.

Beneath the sky-
I see her shadows,
But as the petals never do come in hand,
So does she as the moment passes away.

And so she drift, like petals on waves,
Wanting to stay, but meant to fade.

I walk alone,
where the sand forgets me.

Water calls ahead,
"It looks real",
"But so does a mirage".

My throat begs,
but my mind doesn't trust.

So,
I watch from afar.

we met again,
two strangers,
carrying the same memories.

time stopped too,
when our eyes met,
whispered hello.

but this time,
we walked away,
knowing the future.

Hope we knew the future,
Hope we knew how to lose the threads of the past.
What we know is to overcome such fear,
Live our lives and cherish our dear.

Wish we knew how to live with only happiness—
No sorrow, no emptiness.
But they say a life of only joy is boring,
So we must hold faith and keep restoring.

Live with the tapestry, hold your breath.
Magic will unfold, erasing all wrath.
The moment will come—"Amen" is the key.
Set those fears ablaze, and you'll live free.

The more I love the more I loose
Now that I have lost the one
There is nothing I shall call upon
For the sake of those we shall live
Fulfill our duties and we must leave
To the days we have survived
For those days still yet to come
Nothing inside of me can know my true side
I shall call upon the dear lord
For the sake of those lives
After which we shall leave
And we are all forgotten after a while.

Take my hands and lead me high,
Where sorrow fades, where angels sigh.
We’ll dance again in skies so blue,
A world reborn for me and you.

No more lies and no more pain,
Only love’s sweet, soft refrain.
Take me where the stars align,
Where your heartbeat echoes mine.

Let us swim in eyes so bright,
Lost in waves of endless light.
All our longing drifts away,
As heaven calls, we rise, we stay.

Give me a call, and I’ll return,
With love that glows, with hearts that burn.
Magic will rise, a spark so bright,
Fading shadows, lost in light.

The sun will shine, the sky will gleam,
A gentle breeze, a peaceful dream.
Let go of doubt, let worries cease,
A single call—brings endless peace.

So call my name, don't be afraid,
Love will bloom, it will not fade.
A chance awaits, a path set free,
Together, we’ll rewrite destiny.