I didn’t want this.
I didn’t want him to leave but he did.
I didn’t want her to break me but she did.
I didn’t want him to take advantage of me but he did.

What I wanted was a dad who would stay.
What I wanted was a friend who would be there for me no matter what.
What I wanted was a man I could trust to keep his hands away from me.  

I am afraid of getting my hopes up.
And yet I still feel saddened when people don’t come through.
I’m so tired of living in fear.
But my mind revolves around what ifs,
And memories,
And brokenness.
And what if, when I try to think differently, and I get my hopes up, it’s all for nothing? And I am left alone again?

I didn’t know that you needed help too.
Maybe if I knew then then things would be different.
But the thing is, I still needed you.
I needed you to be strong.
To tell me it was it all going to be okay.
That I would fall, break, get up, and climb again.
I wanted you to tell me that I didn’t have to suffer in silence.
But I suffered. And I stayed silent.
I might be strong but I would have rathered had a friend.