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 Jan 2019 Alexxa
Felicia Coffey
You’re straight because you mistook your discomfort around men as attraction.
You’re straight because the one man who should have loved you, didn’t.
You’re straight because the media makes love look like a man and a woman.
You’re straight because of the look of disgust on your mother’s face when she asked you if you were “experimenting” with your best friend and the tone with which she said “good” when you answered “no,” the first lie you’ve spoken to her.
You’re straight because your grandfather calls lesbians “carpet m%nchers” and gay men “c%cksuckers”.
You’re straight because your great grandmother would rather you end up with a man of color than another woman, and she’s terribly racist.
You’re straight because the love you were denied by your father has to be fulfilled by some other man, like it’s his fault your father couldn’t find love in his heart for his own children.
You’re straight because everyone asks if you if you have a boyfriend.
You’re straight because every man who was ever nice to you, you seemed to fall a little bit in love with.
You’re straight because your aunt and uncle started a facebook argument with you over the bible’s interpretation of homosexuals, and you just couldn’t let that go.
You’re straight because you think brunette women are beautiful, but you don’t feel more beautiful after you turn your blonde hair brown.
You’re straight because you think the feelings of attraction you’ve ever gotten towards a woman were just normal because you’ve never had crushes on them.
You’re straight because you’ve never had a boyfriend, even when there were men interested.




Think of the lie you would have lived
if you didn’t recognize the truth in all those lies
you thought were genuine feelings.
Do you remember when you thought you loved me?

The confused expression on my face must’ve been disheartening

I didn’t understand
You were so beautiful
So smart
So absolutely amazing

I was just a girl
Riddled with scars
Afraid of failure
Already burnt out

It killed me when I realized
You weren’t in love

You were exposed to so many unattainable expectations

It wasn’t love
It was hope of love
Hope of at least meeting expectations

You were already flying above expectations, my dear

I love you
Critisizm is welcome, I want to get better. Just don’t be unnecessarily mean please.
 Jan 2019 Alexxa
Grey
Fingers
 Jan 2019 Alexxa
Grey
When she held me, I felt like an earthquake,
shrapnel cutting quick to the bone.
I’m disaster, an unknown
kind of danger is the most dangerous

When he held me, I felt like a riptide,
all control ran out the door.
With the *** and cappuccinos
I felt out of place in my new home

When she held me, I felt disgusting,
every move my own betrayal.
Yes, she hurt like a gunshot
but I did this to myself

When he held me, I felt strange,
like I should give my whole self.
He never asked, I’m thankful.
I don’t want to ruin everything else

When she held me, I felt like a secret,
like I was something small and wild.
In a room of screaming children,
we were something invincible

He never held me, but that’s alright.
Someone tell him I understand.
Take it slow, like we’re new friends.
I’m alive for once

No one touch me, I don’t want it.
Stop breathing down my neck.
My throat fills with *****,
But the hands never rest

No one touch me, leave me alone.
Stop pressing on my back.
There are thumbprints on my wrist bones
and handprints on my thighs

Don’t touch me when you aren’t here.
So many years have passed.
Is it trauma? I don’t care.
The filthy feeling always lasts

Don’t touch me when you aren’t here.
Nobody ever has to know.
When you’re sitting by your lonesome
Nobody cares, you’re on your own

Nobody cares, you’re on your own

— The End —