Don't stare me down

Look at me
Look me in the eye
And tell me if all you feel is hate
Or rather still
The love, fairytales could make
I don't deserve you anymore
Even cupid won't take another chance with me
I messed something real that's now out of touch
If only one was not conflicted
Let your heart feel what mine feels
You'd know how my heart hates my brain
I write this with a broken pen
And a deep shaded heart
Look at me, please
Look me in the eyes
The way you used to
If you will, one more time
And tell me if all you feel is hate
Or rather still love

If only

If only this photograph's could tell tales
Tales of how happy we were
If only I wasn't blindsided
To the illusion that I was broken
If only my eyes could show you
The love I had always felt
Whenever I saw you..
If only I truly knew
The beautiful soul I had around me
I wouldn't be writing this
But instead a love poem
Craving all of you
If only I had a time machine
To go back in time
To say the words I truly wanted to say
If only...
If only I pulled you closer
And held you tight in my arms all day
If only I could say
I didn't ***** up big time
But I did.... Big time.

I felt it last night
With a broken heart
The beaming light at the end of my darkened heart
My emotions were sky high
It was true
I could feel the rush of esctasy going all through,
It was real
You made me feel numb all over again
After all the lies I told myself
Its not worth it, I'm not wor-
If only the pieces could fit once more
I'm trying so hard,
Not to be alone
But its not enough
Its hard to find love in my throat
When hate is all I can conjure
All an act of pretence
I felt it last night
With a broken heart
I could feel its pieces inside me
How am I to fight this emotions?

At this point
I feel so much more
My emotions running wild
The echoes of my loneliness
Becomes a widespread karaoke

At this point
My feelings becomes vague
No clear tone to my emotions
The bass of the broken
Becomes a favourite to those who understands...

At this point
There's no point hiding in the shadows
Insomnia, depression, you name it
I know it all

At this point
I'm damaged
And this is my mayday signal.

I know its short
It might not be what you expected
You ordered for tall & handsome
Yet you got short & weird
This is unprecented too
I know words can't cut the deal
How can they?
Beautiful can't begin to come close
To what my eyes can see in you
I believe God rested on the seventh day
To see how impeccable you were
I love every little thing bout you
Down to the tiniest bit
If only I had a chance to love you outright,
But I don't, cos in my head
I could never have you
If only I could live in my fantasy
But thats where my chapter ends
Cos every time I try to move forward
Thats when my head is wide awake
To my very own reality.

How could I have known?
That every part of me was in pain
How could I?
When all that was, all that is
Is a boy whose numb
How could I have known?
That my heart was in pieces
How could I?
When all that was, all that is
Is a boy whose all but broken
How could I have known?
That I could ever taste success
How could I?
When all that was, all that is
Is a boy who knows failure up close
How could I have known?
That it was a show of love
How could I?
When all that was,  all that is
Is a boy that sees the hate of the world

How could I have known?