i think what hurts me the most
about people is that they all
just sort of leave
whether it be to the restroom
when you talk or to another
girl who seems more beautiful
or to that boy who youve
always strived to be like
for her
they all just disappear
and it is in those seconds
those little moments when
they are gone and you dont
know whether or not they
will come back because
they did not warn you
it is in these moments
that you realize how
incredibly alone you are
as a human being
and how you are
starting to care less
and less everyday
for things that do
not seem to care about
you
and i know that failure
seems to be my
middle name but
i hoped that things
would be different
this time and this
year and some things
changed but others
remained the same
and he reminded me
of everything i love in
him and everything
i hate in myself
and he reminds
me of the flowers
in may and the snowstorms
in december
and he reminds me of
the ice that hit my
face back then and
the hail that hits it
now
and as he goes on
to do his daily things
i realize that i am
clinging on to him
because i am afraid
that every time he leaves
it is for good
it is for something
better
something happier
someone better
and that hruts
and its scary
and i feel so
insignificant
in his vast life
that is constantly moving
while i feel like im
cursed to this
feeling and cemented
to the floor
unable to move
for anything or
anyone
and if poetry could win
your heart over id write every
poem in the world and put
it in a novel and give
it to you so that you
could fall in love with me over
and over again but ive
already tried to write
**** poetry and none
of it is working
because half of what comes
out of my head isnt meant to
and i try to romanticize
these thoughts but theres
no combination of flowery
language and imagery that
can make self loathing and
heartbreak sound beautiful
no matter how hard i
try
and trust me
i try
i try so **** hard

Do you know what "lovelust" is?
It's a craving for late night movies and early morning smiles.
It's a want for stolen kisses and borrowed fingers.
It's a hunger for shared secrets and inside jokes.    
It's a desire to know every inch inside and out of someone's being.
It's a yearning to touch and be touched by someone whose love for you burns as bright in their eyes as in yours.
It's the sick-to-the-stomach feeling you get when you picture yourself happy with someone else.
Lovelust is when you look into your friend's eyes and wish you could see more than just your own reflection inside.

i could give you so many reasons why you should kiss me
part of them being simply because i want to feel your lips on mine, want to feel our bodies pull together while i melt into your arms
part of them being because i want that awkward moment after it when we just stare at each other with a look combining oh **** and that was amazing
because i know that i'm worthy of that and i know that you still have a promise to keep
because i know that every time you touch me my pulse soars to levels ive never thought were possible to reach
because that's all i think about anymore, about a lost longing that seems to stay with me
because you make me inexplicably sad and irrevocably happy
and because in those happy moments i realize that i am genuinely smiling
because i never want to leave your side when im with you
because i have stayed here for you and you for me and youre confused
because you have to have something to convince you that its not her but rather me thats the right person to channel love into
because i will be the sponge that will take in every moment im with you
because i already am that sponge
because i think i love you and im not scared
because there's only one song playing on repeat right now and it says it all
                                      *"kiss me like you want to be loved"

my heart is an open wound that internally bleeds under the skin of my chest
and you are the acid poured into it

it burns knowing that i am not the one that makes you smile that way, not the one you get ready for, not the person you would drop every engagement you have with in order to be with

it burns through the muscle and into my veins, it makes them boil the way that you talk about her with a look in your eyes i know all too well

my veins melt away and seep through the atoms holding together a broken and pathetic excuse for a girl with too many emotions and too little rational, too much heart and such few brains, a girl who never understood mind over matter

maybe i don't understand it because your acid seems to work its way to my mind and cause it to explode in an array of emotions that spatter words across a computer screen

your acid makes me gasp for carbon dioxide, makes me crave self hatred, makes me vulnerable

it has created a beautiful intoxication of ignorance and denial, an extraordinary composition of atoms that seems to combine in the way we learn in science classes

and they **e x p l o d e

I                                                                                                                        You



                                                     ­         want



her.                                                         ­                                                          you.

There are unknown universes
in the deepest parts of your soul
that I wish to explore
*but you won't let me in