Until you’re here, until I’m gone,
Please forgive me if I carry on,

Late summer sun, a kiss goodbye,
I blinked, and half my life went by,

Another state, a rootless tree,
I drew your face from memory,

One last last chance, a slow decay,
I may not have another day,

And so I fight, swing from my knees,
I won’t succumb to this disease,

Ticker-tape parade, Tinkertoy heart,
Please forgive me if I fall apart.

With brick dust on my back,
And my chin in the air,

I had the sun in my eyes,
And you weren’t fighting fair,

It was a war of attrition,
12 years or 12 rounds,

The battle already lost,
But the bell never sounds,

So I stay on my toes,
Keep sharp, stick and move,

Feel that chip on my shoulder
I have something to prove,

The sweet taste of copper,
Blood dried out like rust,

Only me in my corner,
The only person I trust,

So I swing for the fences,
But prepare for the fall,

For you truly earn nothing,
Without risking it all.

Wipe the mirror on the bathroom door,
So it’s clearer that you lost the war,
A longing look, a stubborn stare,
The pills you took to make them care,
And a stranger’s name that you call home,
In shoes you couldn’t make your own,
As you tiptoed through that cautious crime,
In a cold room where you sold your time,
Until those four walls became a maze,
Where you got lost for days and days,
Hoping footprints might leave uncovered,
A world to pretend that you discovered,
As everything you took for granted,
Became the place your flag was planted,
Still you long for all that isn’t there,
And seek purpose in the midnight air,
Hoping someday someone will recognize,
The scream behind your hollow eyes,
And realize that you are so much more,
Than the reflection on that bathroom door,
But for now, just hold your head up high,
Say you’re sorry, swear you’ll try,
Expect a feast, but be content with crumbs,
And dance until the music comes.

It never felt at all peculiar,
The things I left upon the shelf,
Busy becoming something familiar,
The worst version of myself,

Faded and frayed at the seams,
She told me love never waits,
So I’m left chasing new dreams,
with longer expiration dates,

You were the sunset in June,
I was the tip of your spear,
The first sweet taste of the moon,
Burning so cold and austere,

And she asks me to breathe,
Would that be such a crime?
Maybe I deserve the reprieve,
I swear I can quite anytime,

Just one more night on the chin,
Ashamed of the blue in your eyes,
Frail fingers, cold skin,
Too late to say your goodbyes,

Another disillusion shattered,
Sunrise was calling our bluff,
She said I was there when it mattered,
I can only pray that’s enough.

Beneath the surface, boiling blood,
A calloused, hardened soul,
Fragile hands of sticks and mud,
Still fighting for control,

On more hour, up in flames,
Another runaway train of thought,
Burn the pictures, sell the frames,
Pretend that I forgot,

Ashes, ashes, falling stars,
A prayer for reverie,
Concealed bruises, hidden scars,
Faded from skin, not memory.

Fighting demons in the darkness, under blankets where we cower,
The lightness of eternity, the crushing weight of one more hour,
Where were you when failure faded, where I was I when roads decayed?
In the static haze you waited, as the current bent and swayed,
Tiptoeing sleepless starless silence, knowing I would never be,
The longing on your fingertips, or anyone else but me,
Still I spend all night grasping, gasping for some thread of air,
Chewing holes in scenery so you might realize I’m there,
Spend every day running in circles, yet I can’t escape this maze,
So I’ll pretend a plan by steady hand, to justify this hopeless gaze.

Dressed in dripping shadows, an angel with no wings,
She was dangling from the ceiling, a puppet with no strings,
Eyes heavy with ambition, a soul you couldn’t mend,
Handfuls of good intentions you never found a way to spend,
Now from across the table, we dissect our better times,
Like foggy silhouettes trying to color inside our lines,

Remembering that winding road that got us here,
And the one goodbye that taught us fear,
We took apart a future that we couldn’t face alone,
And built another house that we would never make a home,
I told you about a destination that I felt but couldn’t see,
And how all of that nothing still means everything to me,

Maybe this kind of talk has no place behind the neon glow,
But you know I never knew how or when to let it go,
So tonight I’ll put my better self back upon the shelf,
And try to count the years since I last felt like myself,
As I stare up at the stars, I can see them oh so clear,
Still I never figured out how to make it there from here.