I feel alone. I can't let any people in, I will only get hurt. I feel scared. Not only of people and places, but myself too. What if I lose control? I feel guilty. It's all my fault I'm like this, I just cant seem to change myself.

But how is it that I feel all these feelings, and still feel nothing?

I want peace in my heart,
create black holes in dark memories.
Out of the holes crawling spiders,
they start to spin webs out of my thoughts,
my smallest defeats, my indifference.
In these sticky webs they catch my light,
swallow my energy, my time.
Gorge themselves big and bold.
Sometimes I can hear them smacking
or maybe they snickering?
I don't know.
I know.
Soon they will burst.
Their black, viscous blood will spread.
Everywhere in my mind.
The last little light will drown in this evil liquid.
I will turn again into this ******* zombie.
Controlled by darkness...