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i am apathy
here i am writing for nobody to read
talking to no one to listen
speaking for nobody to hear

i am pathetic
there's nobody willing to pay attention
i wonder why i have yet to reach the hollows of depression
or am i already in beyond my realisation..?

i am sad
worthless 21 years
used and manipulated
never appreciated nor important

i am angry
all you stupid people
treat me like disposable
calling me despicable

i am self-centered
i don't want to care about you
i'll start caring for me
it'll be just me, mine and myself
from now on.....
                               ...it'll be a lonely world but i'm still surviving...
i am..nothing..wish i was thin air..
I'm crying because I have no clue where you are or how you're doing, yet I know for a fact your laying in a hospital bed right now. Then I remember how we met, in the hospital. My trail of thoughts wonder off and lead me to think that you've met another girl just like you met me.

I'm crying because I don't know where you are or how you're doing, yet I feel like right now you're thinking about someone else instead of me. Then I remember, how pretty all the other girls were. My trail of thoughts lead me to think that you don't like me anymore, and I'm here writing this about you... When you're in a hospital bed... Thinking about her.
inspired by a girl who fell in love at mental health hospital, who is insecure and depressed
 Nov 2014 Philip Smith
Tryst
~

Love!               vs              Love?

I love you!                      I love you?
It's true, I do!                 It's true, I do
Wonder why?              Wonder why;
You love me too!          You love me too?
~
First published 22nd September 2014, 10:00 AEST.
 Nov 2014 Philip Smith
Rupal
Silence
 Nov 2014 Philip Smith
Rupal
Silence is not keeping quiet
because you have nothing
to say...

Silence is having a lot
to say but no desire
to speak...
The demons are out to play
Planting seeds inside my brain
Calling me out to join
But it's getting harder to resist the pain

I've held them off for far too long
And now they are polluting me with their sins
My walls are down
And guard is thin

It's not worth the fight
I've accepted I'm just an inmate
Closed off and empty
Left as a prisoner of my own fate
 Nov 2014 Philip Smith
susan
restlessness
combating with my head
fighting for sleep
but losing the battle
a struggle of wits
a fight of strengths
keeping me awake
with flip flopping thoughts
bouncing off my mind
broadcasting a fireworks display
inside my skull
sweet slumber
i call to you
come rescue me
from this circus that's keeping me awake
feed me your elixir
and bring me into a sweet delusional state
obviously, not able to sleep
by day i am not myself
by night i cannot sleep
subconsciously i am terrified
and know that i am weak
you just keep on smiling
and i'll just keep on living
don't ask me how i'm doing
and i won't ask you how you're feeling
should i stay involved?
or should i step aside?
your heart is my prized possession
your love is my life
the thought of you going first
sickens me to the core
tears flood the center of my world
as the pain bludgeons me to the floor
of all the hard times we've faced
of all the struggles we had endured
i just knew our ending would be different
i was so god ****** sure

so here we sit day by day
as we take it one moment at a time
just know until the end i am always yours
and you are always mine
More of a thought than a poem. It just happened to rhyme.

(C) Maxwell 2014
 Nov 2014 Philip Smith
unwritten
she was a poet,
and he was her pen.
in him,
she always found words to write,
songs to sing,
thoughts to think.

he'd smile,
and kiss her softly,
and say,
"write me a poem."

and she would.
she'd put poe,
and whitman,
and shakespeare to shame,
and she'd write a poem that made his eyes water.

she'd compare him
to a rose with no thorns,
a book with no end,
a world with no poverty --
the things we all wish for,
but can never attain.

//

he asked her one day,
"what am i?"
and so she picked up her pen,
and began the usual:
you are the shining sun after a hurricane,
with rays that open the eyes of the blind.

but he stopped her after those two lines,
and said that this time,
he didn't want any metaphors,
or similes,
or analogies.
he wanted the truth.

and so on that night,
as he slept,
the poet picked up her pen,
and she wrote.

she wrote,
then thought better of it,
then started over again,
and this cycle continued well into the early hours of the morning,
until suddenly,
she wrote, frantic,
if i can't love you for what you really are,
have i ever really loved you at all?


this, too,
she thought better of,
condemning it to the trash.

the next morning the poet was gone,
her final work a mere two words:

i'm sorry.

(a.m.)
this is more of a story than a poem but i like how it came out so leave thoughts & comments please
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