Alexandra M

Alexandra M Nov 2014

The demons are out to play
Planting seeds inside my brain
Calling me out to join
But it's getting harder to resist the pain

I've held them off for far too long
And now they are polluting me with their sins
My walls are down
And guard is thin

It's not worth the fight
I've accepted I'm just an inmate
Closed off and empty
Left as a prisoner of my own fate

Alexandra M Sep 2014

Sweet Surrender

Just throw me over
And I'll call it my sweet surrender
From the pain that has held me frozen for far too long
How fitting to finally become one with the icy cold December

The water is up to my lips
Greeting me with a kiss that’s jet blue and black
It floods my lungs and engulfs my veins
But I've dealt with worse attacks

Just swimming in a pool of past sin
I have nothing left to conceal
Completely numbed by the sea
I'm glad I can no longer feel

There's nothing you can do now
I've already fought my battle
I kicked and screamed
But in the end I was far too fragile

Oh here I go
Sinking towards the center
I've never felt so alive
Than in my dear sweet surrender

#sad #depression #life #personal

Alexandra M May 2014

Unwanted Eclipse

My only company was the girl behind the glass
But as my veins start to fill with regret
The reflection in the mirror is harder to face
And the flaws on my skin surface on my silhouette

I sink to the ground and put my head on my knees
My last shaky breath parts my lips
And the salty demons fall from my eyes
Deeper I fall into my unwanted eclipse

I paint this picture not to mistake pain for beauty
This isn't my plea for help to feel
Nor my attempt to romanticize sadness
But I refuse to deny this feeling because it is raw and my God it is real

This is just an explosion of emotions
And I don't know which one to believe
Do I stand here and curse what I have become
Or do I let myself simply grieve

#sad #depression #life

Alexandra M Apr 2014

Lost at Sea

I drew a line in the sand
Hoping it would stay
But I watched the tide take it away

The water reclaimed its land
As I saw my boundaries come crashing down
While my pride began to drown

A fragile mark made by my hand
I lost control of my actions
Only to be fueled by passion

My mind is lost at sea trying to find its way back
But it's hard to stand on solid ground
When the lines are being washed away and drowned

#love #depression #life #sea

Alexandra M Apr 2014

**** Away My Feelings

A life lived numbed by the world
It's hard to break free
From the knot that's tangled and swirled

I built these walls to guard me
But brick by brick I trapped myself into this black abyss
And now I'm slowly forgetting how to see

I'm blinded by the lies
that slip off your tongue like velvet
The sweet taste turns sour
but I choose to not realize

I waited too long to leave
For now the words slice through my heart
Exposing the truth making me feel so naive

Drowning in a life I don't want to continue at all
I'm left with no choice but to stand here and fall

#life #depressed

Alexandra M Dec 2013

Taking Over Me

Oh no please
It's coming back
I promise I'm trying
But it's out of my control
I'm going under
I know it
This time it's worse
I can feel it
The haunting thoughts
They don't seem to stop
oh please
not now

Alexandra M Dec 2013

Untitled

"It's like a tunnel with no light at the end"
You try to explain
But the answers are always the same
"I'm sorry" They say
With thier non-empathic eyes