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Monica Mourad Feb 20
Minute by minute
Hour by hour
Day by day
That’s how it starts

You’re eyes smile scent fade
As the months come and go so does you’re memory
Places that once held pieces of you and me
History has rewritten for a brighter more promising future

Forgive and forget becomes the next step

Forgetting you was easy- you were never really all there… you couldn’t decide right?

Bread crumb after bread crumb filled with false hopes you fed me for 3 long weeks.
I kept trying to get off the rollercoaster - you wouldn’t let me.
Selfishly you kept me tossing and turning in your storm
Leaving me open to the anxiety doubt and insecurities

The culprit in the end-  “****** chemistry”
Seeing me wasn’t your priority yet wouldn’t we need to see each to gage the chemistry???
What do I know I am the naive ****** after all.

You chose to gaslight my innocence rather than acknowledge your lack of  thoughtfulness , actions,  and confidence.  

What if I was just not attractive enough for you …? Maybe I did something wrong ?

You were still a boy in a man’s body
A coward scared of your own shadow
Wanting to keep me in your orbit but never close enough to be yours.

What if I had done more ? Would that have made you claim me as yours?

Darling you thought dulling my shine
Keeping me small would make me need you.
Would make me want you more ….
You didn’t expect me too refuse to bend or break for you.

Mending, healing, rebuilding ME
I found my way to forgiveness- it hasn’t been easy
Yet forgiving you I have

With every passing season
The version of me after you
Is rooted back on solid ground
I am enough !
Breathing more steady
Everything is okay …
Smiling again wider than before
I am worthy of unfailing love
Laughing deep belly laughs
That echo louder than ever within my soul
I am not anyone’s second choice
Love for life, the simple things , and peace flows through my veins like sunshine.
Life is beautiful and you were never the source of that beauty or joy.

You did not break me
You awakened me
Reminding me that I deserve better
Because I am better
You were never good enough
Thanks for the rude awakening
never forget your worth .... you are the prize not a place holder
don't settle
Monica Mourad Feb 20
Tall dark and handsome
Kind brown eyes that held mine
Eyes that shined with false promises
A smile laced with uncertainty
Kisses filled with venom that fogged my mind

I was your muse  
My laughter a song that warmed your heart.
My endless well of comfort was  your sweet escape
My aura a confusing craving you couldn’t  understand

You kept me tethered to you
To lose me meant losing your smile
Keeping me would not leave you satisfied

A charming prince turned into a Puppeteer
A princess turned puppet
Strings laced in confusion and uncertainty
Replaced the warm caresses and sweet kisses

Refusing to be tethered by fickle charm
She pulled back despite the hurt
She’s a princess after all
You were never a prince -
Just a puppeteer looking for a puppet
hindsignt is 20/20
Monica Mourad Feb 20
One was left reeling
The other went on with  life

Two people words exchanged
On a Thursday at 2:00 pm
Feelings emotions intentions coming to light
One’s truth blindsiding the other’s truth
4 months of you and me
Trickled down to a 20 minute text exchange
That’s what I was worth to you.

Her reply unshaken disappointment
His reply an aloof “don’t be stranger … let’s be friends”
Silent tears mourning the idea of what could have been - she refused to let him see her break .
Him going about life - realizing he might not really want a clean break.

Me saying take care - walking away
You saying add me on social media - trying to keep me in your life

Words said can’t be unsaid
This is how the story of us ends.
I hate this part right here... the end.
Monica Mourad Feb 20
Eyes open eyes shut

Light flutters in like mist then fades like a silent wind.

Sunlight moonlight sunrise sunsets

Shades of light and darkness that emanate life.

Chaos and peace coexist within each transition.

Such is life and such is happiness…
shades of life and light
Monica Mourad Aug 2020
She lives amongst the stars
Thoughts are galaxies away
It’s safe up there so they say

Eyes like shooting stars
Fly across her sky
Glances of belittlement, pity, judgement
Soar fast across her sky

Silently dimming their twinkling lights
Mindless carefree flowing  thoughts
The ones they say her galaxies are made off
Are laced with unseen meteors of doubt, uncertainty, worry…
Meteors that leave craters as big as the moon
In her “perfect” galaxy

Sleep is blurred by the constellations of anxiety
Her favorite ones are imperfection, failure, loneliness  
Beautifully woven, tangled and outlined
Family.. friends…. lovers…
Intertwine and form the lines - connecting
These celestial masterpieces.  

The stars in her wide brown eyes never dim
Shinning bright,  giving off an aura of warmth and light.
They see a girl- a daydreamer
As Orion’s belt wraps around her waist tight.
Binding her to this utopia they say she created.

Head in the clouds girl
Oh how I want to be you  … they say
To inhabit this wonderfully created planet you live in
Called  La la land

Visit if you dare she says…
Appearances can be misleading. We are carrying our own burdens so choose kindness when you can. Don't judge a book by it's cover.
Monica Mourad Aug 2019
Four walls …two bodies
Trapped words ...white noise.
A house on fire...
You... me … standing burning
Pretending the fire isn't roaring.
Monica Mourad Aug 2019
You were my ocean...
Shipwrecked in uncharted waters
Your hands became guides in a sea of fire
Your touch like a wave washing over me
Awakening the world around me ...
A new song murmured seductively by the wind
“Pull me in, hold me tight, tease me with your fingers ... bring me to life “ it sang as the boat rocked.

The fog rolled in unknowingly threatening paradise
Compass no longer pointing north
You’re kind brown eyes my north stars dimmed
My bearings no longer clear ... lost at sea
Treading the waters of uncertainty and doubt
I promise I tried to swim through the rip currents of silence
Ignore the roars of the winds that now shouted “talk to me,hear me... be part of my world...”

In the eye of the storm I thought
The warmth of your smile would shine down
Your sweet soft kisses would revive me
Keeping me anchored in your world...

Eyes still closed a river of peace moved through her. She knew the storm had passed.

The sun began it’s slow decent into the now tranquil waters.
Alone I sat watching the colors dance...liberated and free they danced brilliantly across the vast sky .

I let you go , you are free no longer bound by me.
But my ocean that you will always be she thought as she walked away...
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