My words to you
Always silenced by me
I starve them at the tip of my tongue
The same you did, when you were young
Not with your words, but with your food
I'm begging you, keep your sanity
Stay on your feet, a little longer for me
Or I will lift off mine, and onto a rope in your purple tree

I'm grieved with a lonely absence
The silence cannot set me free
Only your shriveled touch
The one I never see
You told me not to worry
So worry I had not
You told me you would get better
And better you had not

I only wish you understood
I would love you, if I could
I lie under your purple tree
A rope in my hand
A weary kid at ease
No longer on his worn down knees
To hang myself
In your purple tree

What will you say
When he stops breathing
Take the blame
Form a lie
Watch your torn children fall in line
Forget about him
Hide the tragedy
Let your teething guilt eat you alive?

Wait, I forgot mother
Do you ever eat?
Where did you go?
You're what I need
I yearn for a real mom
To tuck me in
To play a game, let me win
I'm a victim of your heartbreaking sin

Your starving toll to death
Became my triumphant downfall
People say I'll be okay
But what was the Devils price to pay?
A slap on the wrist
A depressed kid
Ending his life
Not wishing he never did

I
Want
           To
                Forgive
                              You,
                        But
              What
           Is
   Left
To
     Forgive
                   With?

I have nothing left
Where is my apology?
Your starving life was only theft
I have nothing left

I'm not sorry
I do not love you
Who was to declare, what was right and wrong?
I know it wasn't you

Help

What do you feed the wind?
I told her she looked lovely
Her ribs plastered on the outside of her body
Mother was the wind, complete perfection
Only one flaw
So tiny, So small
That was the problem
So tiny, so small

What do you feed the wind?
You fit through the holes of my fingertips
Yours were painted red, falling like your perception on digestion
I placed your cain into your wind
And we stumbled off, your beauty within
I wish you were to eat today
But there are always other days
Unless I take the easy way out, dismay

What do you feed the wind?
Father, stop calling
I know it's time to eat
I'm trying to feed the wind
I only pray it doesn't **** me in
Mother, what will satisfy your needs?
What else is there to feed the wind
Other than loneliness, your selfish binge

Mother, mother, I kept your bracelet
Eat your food, won't you taste it?
As clear as mud, the bracelet reads, "****."
The word you mutter in your drowsyness to above
I will wear it, when I choose to perish
Perish, the same way you left me
I'm too far gone to heal the past
I think I caught your mental illness, spreading like a rash

Mother, mother, I kept your bracelet
It is locked up safe, unlike my heart, mend it, case it
I toss and turn in my haunted bed
Broken promises, no affection, some things better left unsaid
I stayed up all night, pressured to organize your scattered medication
Dad hurry home, she's having a seizure again
I tried to hold her down
She put her hand over my mouth when I screamed for help

I can't save you, until your turn around the blame

I dreamt of your fragil face tonight
The same skinny way it was when you were mine
Your grip on reality frightened me
You lost yourself in your calories
I hooked you up to your feeding machine
It wouldn't leave me alone, it wouldn't let me be
On and off it beeped and beeped
The alarm so high pitched, echoed, like your screaming

Nothing I did was good enough for you
Coffee was too difficult
Eggs was all I could do
I sang to you our song, chew, chew...
I am a bag of wind
Blowing meaningless sense into you
You dropped your cigarette, stepped, crushing, ashes
The same you did to me, throwing, mashes, crashes

I treated you like royalty
You deserved the best
On your death bed again
Varying on the wish that your small life would end
Why did you leave me?
When I needed you most
It was a tragic ending
I won't see you again

I listen to the sirens
File at my house
They remind me of your feeding tube
Why did you rip it out?
I'm hiding in my neighbors tree
I need some hope, don't find me please
Eventually, I could describe you as this tree
Never to be the same again, never to love me

My mother's breath is tainted with alcohol
She's on my floor, sleeping away the dinner she refused to swallow
I try to forget she was never there, and remember how hollow
Her skinny love for me was, and I ate my way into her Hell
The first cigarette, the first drink, the first time I forgot to think
I was induced in her fairy tale, my morals wothout ink, to go on
I tried to slip away, grasp a hint of bliss
I did catch something, and that was a fish

Her name was Autumn
Her hands on my shoulders, mine on her hips
We were one glance away, and this time, it hit
An anchor she was, I left my dreaded life behind
I took her calloused hand, and she took mine
Our pasts weren't us, they were our luggage
We dropped it off far back, buried it, covered it
A pair of suicidal lovers, a kiss above the chin

I was pulled on a thread
Seven months of lies
She was a chameleon
No painful past of cries
She wasn't molested
Her mom wasn't at the end of the line
Her dad didn't abuse her
Now wasn't her time

She left me longing for another
Another Autumn, another lover
I didn't love her, I loved who I thought she was
I know I will see her again, when the leaves are dust
She is so sorry
Sorry I'm sad
She got to live the life
The life I never had

I yearn to forget the name of Autumn
Until the season leaves, fall from the pealing trees
I will lie in the lies of the baked brown leaves
Crumple them one by one, calming myself, forming ease
Chills form around my neck
The same spot my mother gripped my throat
It is so hard to love someone, who despises being loved
My mother, a liar, a man sitting above