when my depression hits,
it is all i can do
to even get out of bed in the morning
i usually stay in bed
either all day or just long enough
to decide not to **** myself
i usually don’t shower
and i hate myself more for that
but at least i don’t drown myself
i only drown in tears
if it’s one of the days
when the tears even decide to visit
sometimes i’m too sad
for even the company of tears
let alone people
but i have to be normal
so i pretend to feel normal
because then no one comments
no one mentions the dark circles
under my eyes or the way
my smile doesn’t seem to reach them
and once in a while
when my depression almost swallows me whole
i think i’ll ask for help
but i don’t ever ask
i never say anything because
then it’s real