"i want to die."
i'm the only one who survived
even if I didn't deserve it
i've lost those that matter the most
they're all gone
my family,
my love,
my friends,
none of them are coming back
it's all my fault
i know
but
my therapist keeps telling me
"i'm okay."
maybe I'll start to believe
if I hear it enough times

feed me
something that's
big enough
for me to
choke on

it's *****
until someone
actually dies

preferably me

Bittersweet.
i was never a fan of that taste--
yet you loved it so much
i hated your grapefruit lip tint the most
and yet the way your lips felt against mine--
it was different.
i mean,
don't get me wrong--
i still hate bittersweet things,
but all because of you--
i might just have to make an exception
it's not as bad as i thought,
but i might need some more convincing--
kisses will do.

Cry for the people who were never given a chance to shed a single tear.

--and at this point,
       i've come to accept
--that what I feel is
       not anxiety,
       nor is it excitement,
       just sheer indifference
--for the future,
       i've already abandoned

a beatiful mess of
     paint splatters
          made more captivating
by the dusting of stars
      --random,
           yet careful
not to leave one area
      untouched, or
           given too much