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xoe Dec 2016
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I used to have small glimpses of myself
I'd look in the mirror quickly in the morning and see her, but she would no longer be there when I went back
and then I'd spend days looking for her
I used to take a picture every once in a while and see her
she wasn't as showy or flashy as her sisters but my God she was so real
but whenever I found her, I got scared
and I would drop her
and she would hide, she didn't trust me
then again she would show up in my reflection, and we'd start over.
but then, for the first time, I met someone
who wanted to meet me
and I mean, me
and I had to look for me
and I was scared but, someone had called for me
so I looked
and I found her
and for once, I didn't feel like I had to leave
I felt welcome
so I stayed
and now I'm all I see when I look in the mirror
and everything has changed
and I still get scared
I still hide, I don't always show up
and people get scared of her, I mean, me, as much as I do
and they hide, they don't always show up
but I'm staying
and that someone, she didn't
she didn't
she left
she saw me
and
she left
because I had left myself before, and she knew
she knew I had dropped myself before
and honestly, when she didn't pick me up
I almost hid again
but I won't
I'm here
I see me
all of me
I'm here
I'm here
I'm staying
xoe Apr 2015
Perhaps it's the way your hair curls on its ends,
or your bold honesty, or the way
I feel more real around you.
The way you can be ice cold or warmer than
my morning tea. How could I not like you,
when you make me like everything a little more?
I trust that love isn't what everyone says and
I believe what hurts is its lack. And you've hurt
me but who hasn't? Even I have.
With you I feel in technicolor, and even if
loving and telling is like handing a gun and
trusting not to be shot I say I trust.
xoe Oct 2016
I'd like to blame the moon
for all I've been feeling
for this freedom
this feminine freedom
bathed in white light

I'd like to blame the moon
for the brown in my eyes
the dirt on my feet
my mess of a hair
and a life

I'd blame her too, for my love of sunshine
rain and all that comes from nature
connection
to all beings

I'll blame the night for art
and thank her
for artists

and I'll thank myself for my liberation
my love for the goddess
the joy of nature
my own nature
my feet
the ground
my soul, at last
xoe Jun 2015
Sometimes we want something until we find out what it takes to get it
Other times we want something despite what it takes to get it
Ego
Security
Bad companies
Bad habits
Being left stranded in the openness of what's unknown to us
So many times I've wondered what it takes to be free
And after mistakes and irredeemable losses I came across honesty
Honest loving
Honest hating
Honest anger, sadness, even apathy
Boldness
Opening up. You are vulnerable, despite your efforts
Freedom demands for you to lose your sense of self
Only through transparency do we become weightless and lose our strings
And freedom is, most certainly, the joy of feeling no strings attached.
xoe Nov 2014
Your memory descends
upon me, as morning mist.
Then I wake.

— The End —