there's no use in pretending
i just can't do it anymore
i can't hide what i'm feeling
i'm ending this war
there's no way to save me
i'm falling fast
everything that i thought i could be
well it just didn't last
no motivation and no light
nothing but heartache
it all ends tonight
there's nothing left to fake
there are so many people i'll let go
so many goodbyes
i've moved on, and they will too
there are no more tears to cry
to all my family
especially my dad
i'm so very sorry
i know you must be mad
there was nothing that you could do
it was all on me
i'm sorry for hurting you
in time you'll see
i tried everything i could
to stop the pain in me
it was too dark from where i stood
and i found i couldn't see
not everybody makes it through
this crazy thing called life
i wasn't as strong as any of you
there was just so much strife
i got a little lost inside myself
and started to enjoy the pain
i stopped wanting help
i've literally lost the game
if i had some advice to give
it would be this
learn to live
and learn to miss
because every dark and gloomy day
is so much worse alone
you lose the words to say
don't leave me on my own
when you shut everybody out
the darkness eats away at you
taking away all you once felt
leaving only blue
soon all that's left
is a shadow of who you once were
all you can do is hope you'll be missed
of this i'm sure
in the end
every day was the same
and i lost the will to mend
there was no end to pain
i've struggled so much
over the years
not one thing as such
causing never ending tears
i was addicted to cutting
watching my blood run
using a little sharp thing
to stop all the numb
i started to eat a lot less too
trying to lose a little weight
it wasn't obvious to you
all of my self-hate
i wanted so badly to run away
and start my life again
so i had to pray
that this wasn't a sin
i disappointed a lot of people
i led them astray
now i'm going to hell
i just can't stay
there's so much more
that i should write down
about how none of you saw
my lifeless body drown
i was a little mad
that you couldn't see
that all the happiness you had
couldn't be found in me
none of what's happened is your fault
you're not the ones to blame
if this story's to be told
i manifested my own pain.
this is an actual suicide not that i wrote. there was more to it, stanzas dedicated to specific people and all that. i had no idea it was a suicide not until i finished. it was the moment when i realized that i was a lot more depressed than i thought.