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unknown Feb 2018
My hero is the protecting type.
Loved me no matter what.
Cares and provides for my family.
Serves and protects his own
But no matter what
I see through him
See when he’s sad, mad, or even happy.
I’ve come to know this man.
And love him no matter what.
Throughout my days I will never be able to return he favor
Because he’s just done so much.
I will protect him all my life.
He is a hero
A hero casted down from heaven it’s self!
No matter through the hard times.
He will always love me the same.
When the hardships come
We stand tall
And try not to fall
But if one does,
We pick each other up.
Because it’s what family does.
But Non the less Im proud that he’s my hero
Because he’s been there for me time after time.
Loving me no matter what.
And experiencing life with me.
unknown Feb 2018
Anxiety,
Another mental illness that give people a lack of interest in other things.
Anxiety one of the worst mental illness you can have.
Gives people no hope, no motivation to get their butts out of bed.
All you wanna do is look at the ceiling silently crying all hopes and dreams away.
And sometime you can’t even cry,
So you just sit there feeling numb.
Trying to make yourself cry because you wanna feel something.
Anxiety hold me hostage inside of my bed.
Anxiety makes me have no hope.
But I’ve learned how to turn to numbness, to being busy, and the busy by occupying your self doing something.
My busy, looks like laying in bed, watching t.v.
But when my mom left,
That busy changed.
It went from laying in bed,
To crying a little looking at old photos of they happy times.
My busy changed to wishing I had a different life.
And I told everyone I was busy because,
I didn’t want to be bothered.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to feel something.
But those people that gives us hope.
We thank.
We want them in our life constantly.
Just like me.
My person lives in Ohio.
We video chat everyday,
We talk daily.
So my happiness lasts for an hour.
Then disappears into the abyss.
But happiness doesn’t last a lifetime.
We have our good days and the dark days.
Everyone says “Just be happy”
They don’t understand the struggles of being happy
That we have to search for a while just to find it.
We have a lifetime of loneliness, sadness, grief, and envy.
That people with depression, agony, anxiety, and lust,
Are just “Acting out to get attention”
Or just “Are faking it”
But those comments hurt,
Just like a stab wound.
We love,
We lose,
We live,
We die,
We grieve.
And in the end,
We are just items of merchandise.
That we get sold form person to person,
To trust,
To love,
To die together.
But once the love dies.
We move on get sold to another,
And another,
Until new die.
Because love doesn’t last a lifetime.
unknown Feb 2018
A mental illness because our brains are not wired correctly.
Something that people won’t understand until they have it.
It make our days darker.
Like we see no color.
Some of us may see color,
But everything had a darker part of it.
Thats what we see.
We can’t see the beauty in things, in people, and most of the time, ourselves.
We cover our face in makeup,
We put on clothes that make us look “attractive”
We cut ourselves just because we need to feel,
And when someone doesn’t like us,
We change ourselves just to be “accepted”
We change everything,
Our clothes,
Our hair,
Our lifestyle.
And when someone asks us if we are okay,
We respond with I’m fine.
But when we feel strong enough to throw are the blades.
We become desperate,
We tear shaving razors apart to get to the blades.
We cry silently to ourselves.
We become numb enough to slice all our hopes and dreams away.
But when we stop,
We long for more.
The razor takes control of us,
Becoming our master.
And when people abuse us,
No matter if its Mentally, Verbally, or Physically.
It doesn’t hurt.
We stab our selves to become strong.
We think its going to make us strong but in the end.
It makes us weaker.
We feel like we can’t last more than a day with out it.
unknown Feb 2018
Life is a mysterious thing.
We come and we go,
People live and die,
But where do we go?
What will happen?
Nobody really knows
We go to school
Get our books out
And learn about the past, English, and math.
But what matters in the future,
When we are on our death bed?
Nothing really matters when it comes to school.
The thing that matters is who stuck with you through it.
Who will sit next to you caring for you when you’re on your Deathbed?
Will anyone sit next to you?
But really how are we supposed to believe in something that you can’t see
But everyone listens to the lessons teachers teach.
Everyone listens to the sermon pastors preach.
But what if they’re wrong?
What if nothing in history actually happened?
What if life means nothing.
What if pain wasn’t a thing.
Then nobody would go to the store alone,
Buy a box of razor blades,
Go home and mutilate their skin,
With crimson red liquid flowing from their wrists and onto the floor.
Everybody would be happy all the time!
There will be no such thing is cancer or even the flu
Because that results in pain.
What would your deathbed be like?
Will we lie in pain and guilt.
Or will we be happy that we lived a great life.
Or maybe we will think of the past,
Everyone that came and left,
People that died,
People that are still living.
Maybe even death won’t be a thing.
Maybe even heaven and hell won’t be a thing,
That we were just believing in nothing.
What if the judgement is tomorrow?
Or even in a few minutes, hours, or even seconds.
What if life is just a dream.
What if we are in our comas on our death beds,
Going through everything that happened.
Thinking of our first kiss,
First date,
First crush,
First heartbreak,
The first person you loved that died.
The first grade,
The first hug,
The first time you opened your eyes.
Maybe when we die in this life,
We wake up in another,
Is that what people are talking about?
That maybe this life is just nothing.
But life,
I wanna live it,
I wanna see everything that I can become.
Because I’m happy that life is a thing.
unknown Feb 2018
I wish,
I wish I had a better life,
One that I didn’t have to rely on pills to keep me happy,
One that my parents were still together,
One where I was happy not depressed 24/7
One that my anxiety makes me want to stay in bed
One that my family was normal
Not a suicidal daughter,
Not a brother that stays in his room,
Not a mother thats a former Alcoholic and lives a state away,
Not a father that’s gone 24/7 and comes home when your sleep.
One that everyone is together,
One that people will understand how it feels to be depressed or anxious.
One where I am happy.
Not one that your significant other lives in Ohio and barely gets to talk to you,
Not one that you look at couples and with that was you with him,
All that you get with him is video calls or phone calls.
One that you don’t have scars on your wrists because you can’t handle everything at once,
But life doesn’t care.
It throws everything at once,
Just says oh your sad,
Im not sorry.
I wish
I wish
I wish
I freaking wish,
I wish this,
I wish that,
When is it my turn to get what I want?
When is it my turn to be broken,
Or sad.
No one understands what it feels like to have to pick up pieces hiding the fact that your sad.
I WISH
I WANT
I CANT 
I NEED
I 
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I AM NOTHING
unknown Feb 2018
The dark red liquid flows from my arms,
Covering the sink and floor.
Crying inside but not outside.
That I have just made another mistake.
As soon as the blade touched my skin and slid from side to side,
My gut clenched in a paralyzing fear.
“Now I think I understand how this world can over come a man.”
Whispered in my ear softly
My earbuds played a song that makes me regret everything.
“Not that I could, or that I would, Let it burn, under my skin, LET IT BURN”
I quickly changed the song,
The wet liquid dripping from my eyes.
Maybe it was meant to be,
Maybe I was supposed do it,
Maybe not,
Who knows,
Why do people do this,
My body trembles every second,
With every voice,
And every loud sound.
In another room somewhere else,
You can hear the silent screams of a little girl,
Her dreams are broken,
Her eyes are dull,
Her body covered in new and old cuts
She feels unwelcome.
She wants to be okay.
But she lets her depression control her.
Somewhere else,
A man in Japan hangs his self
Because he feels unwelcome.
He goes to the store,
Buys his gun and bullets,
And goes to the middle of a forest.
Says goodbye to everyone through his phone.
And writes a letter that reads,
“Dear Family,

I’m so sorry I had to put you through this. You don’t deserve it, but I do. I deserve to be dead. I deserve to not live. I’ve been through the good, the bad, and the evil, but through it all I have to say goodbye.

Love,
X”

— The End —