I can't escape you,
for your name is carved into my bones
and your smile is sewn into my memories.


I can't escape you.
there are scars on my skin where your hands
       have been.
there are blisters on my lips where you have
         kissed.


I can't escape you.
I saw you in the school corridor today,
and I felt myself gravitate toward you.
I wanted to feel your hair between my
         fingers;
I wanted to feel your lips against mine.
being safe in your arms is the closest to
home I've ever been.
I could feel my muscles ache to reach for
           you.
I was close enough that the smell of your cologne hit me hard.
your arm brushed mine,
and I tried to play it cool.
but all I want is you.

I know it's hard to touch the clouds
when memories
hold you down
I know you cry a lot inside
when no one is
around
I know it is hard to wake up
sometimes
when breathing cuts so deep.

and the birds, they sing
but
you cannot hear
and the sun, it shines
but
you cannot see
and there's a lot of warmth around
but
you cannot feel.

I know it feels so hard
to live
with so many scars

but

light will shine and you will
see
and birds will sing and
you will hear

It's just a dark path
you have to walk
and I will be there
to walk along
don't hold your breath
don't give up yet
just
keep your hope
and you'll find one day
that you can fly again
for you deserve
the highest clouds
the purest air
the deepest love.

and I'll be here for you,
you, dear soul,
the sweetest lyric
of them all.

i watched him from across the room. his cheeks turned rosy when he saw me standing there. i thought for a moment he would smile at me. i knew him well enough that i could sense him consider whether he wanted to approach me or ignore me. when he turned his head away, i realized he choose the latter. my heart swelled with disappointment. and in that moment, all i wanted to do was curl up in my bed and cry the pain away. but that wasn't an option. i wouldn't let a silly boy get me down.

ha. now, i remember those words-those stupid words-i whispered to myself that night and i feel anger. my ignorance was overpowering. i can still picture how many stars were in the sky that night because i remember looking up and shouting out. i would share with you the words i spoke as i walked home all alone, but they are irrelevant, painfully so. what's important is the sorrow i remember. it swept through my entire body like a wave across the sandy shore. but unlike a wave, it stayed with me; a scar on my heart. i think about this night and my hands tremble the way they had when i unlocked my house and traveled up the stairs to my bedroom. i was alone.

and now i realize,
i will always be alone.

1. forever is not a promise, it is a choice.
2. it never stops hurting.
3. his smile may feel like home, but if his eyes look through you; he is not your home.
4. find the goodness in each day.
5. your body is a temple. life is about learning to worship your own self.
6. make a list of kind acts you witness, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. this list could save you.
7. do not let your fear control you.
8. you are not your mistakes or your pain.
9. depression is a mental illness, something you cannot help.
10. emptiness is a mindset.
11. you are loved.
12. you have the right to feel things that are not exactly good.
13. your worth is immeasurable.
14. you are not a burden to the people who truly love you.
15. there is always hope.
16. productivity is a form of happiness.
17. protect your heart, but do not hide it.
18. everyone deserves to be loved, you are one of those people. embrace that.
19. go the extra mile, it builds self-esteem.
20. people think differently than you. not everyone has other people's interests at heart.
21. always do what makes YOU happy.
22. do not give up on something that you want.
23. it pays to be kind, eventually.