Sinner, saint, martyr, man
He who is without sin
Casting stones in the desert
Until spears pierce skin

Tradition to cover my head
Practice what you preach
Stones words tumbling
Caught between teeth

Not heaven, not earth
Shallow graves and the ******
Seated at a table
Where sinners hold hands

A hungry man's prayer
On the lips of a priest
Ache of an empty stomach
Feed the head of the beast

Break body and bread
The last thing on the mind
Water in the glass
Dripping with wine

Turn tables and tricks
With righteous anger
Biting a bitter tongue
To keep out of danger

Saint's digging their graves
In the name of gospel words
Spitting out fire
Things God never heard

Hail Mary full of grace
Communion, crucifixion
Ye though I walk through the valley
I will fear no affliction

Nails in palm
Who would see heaven fall
Turning deaf ears
To a righteous call

Martyr's nailing
Paper sins to the cross
Casting lots for wages
Not knowing the cost

A man's sacrifice
Curtain splitting in two
A thorn crown
Biting like a tattoo

Holy of holies
Laid bare under heaven
Collecting in baskets
Body of man, unleavened

Who are the righteous
Who can know God

Drifting apart
Makes it harder to hold you
Here we are
Where are the stars
I see you
As you are
One with the dark
Does the world
Ever change
Or are weeds
Growing between
Cracks in the concrete
Beg for mercy or martyr
The devil has more than two horns
One for each of thorns
On my crown
Here we wait
For the sky to fall
Paying out of pocket
To dye slowly
Waiting for dead fields
To make music
Where is your heartbeat
Here in my veins
Pulsing melody
A secret song
My remedy

Reckless to a fault
At least I am living

The ink bleeds out of my hands
Before I can get to the paper
The floor spells out my sins
Before I my mouth knows the words

Tuck me away
In your ribs
Let me sleep
Next to your heart
And lungs
A shallow breath
For a steady beating heart

I am the fool
Who bites
Into the same poisoned apple

You'll feel better when you're leaving
I am empty in the morning
Remembering, sonder
How full I was the night before
We lit candles in the basement
Here we are burning out
Faster than daylight in the winter
Our solstice stealing sun from the sky
To give one more star to the night
Now my days are parting
Hours staying, hours passing
Maybe I hate
That we can never be strangers again
I knew you once, not enough
Already too much
We drown in a single thought
I can't see past your smile anymore
These are the tears of a one night love
The day could not carry on
You whistle on your way out the door
I'm not sure I ever knew before
What music was for

I write a lot about dreams and nightmares
I know the difference
You know of time
I dreamt a chameleon bit my neck
I told you of my fears
Death will make me her *****
Where is sanity when I sleep
At the foot of the bed
The floor is liquid in the dark
You learned of my angels
And the dark they create
You tasted my chaos
Before I licked it from your tongue
The next hundred years
I will not live as my last thousand
My wisdom expired
I am yours
Ground me
Roots in the earth
Holding on for all it's worth
I am your lady in white
A corpse bride for the sins of a saint
Open your hands and close your eyes
Have you seen the signs
The sky is falling
I am yours

A name, a word
Unfamiliar in nature
The dark told you of me
I was afraid before I heard it
Now my hands reach through memories
For an unfamiliar grasp
Tether me to my daughter tongue
Lips unsavory
Chapped and dry
Here you made me
I am born
Here you bade me
I am torn
Hot wax on the edge of knife
We are sealed
As one with our lies
You make a new truth
With the face in the mirror
Stamping into your skin
Fate's seal
Only death can break her
Only life would dare
She has not come yet
We wait, we yearn
Here we are
Across the room
Her eyes are blue

I wonder who taught me loving
I knew it before I knew your name
Now I cannot whisper it without
I hate loneliness
I love to be alone
Here I sit, and think of you
Ask me, if you know me
And I will do the same
Lay my hand, on your chest
Feel your heart beating
Through cotton skin
Your mysteries are new
To my ancient hands

I have no pride to swallow
Choke on my tongue
Larva in my mouth
These are not my hands
Is your spirit really here
Or simply passing through
Are you making fear
Pulling up hairs
On the back of my neck
Is that your presence I sense
Manifestation of nightmares

I told you
Not to come
Here you are
Here I am
The one who cannot leave

You knew of my binding
Spit in my face just the same
I can forgive anything
I dare not forget
Skies are open now
Stone tablets broken
You should have written
Promises on your hands
Then you would have kept them

I am not the string
Around your finger
A reminder of promises
A circulation of inconsistency
Set me free

I will not let
Fear make its home in me
Energy is flowing
Anxiety through me
River of life
Carry this on
All trouble is liquid
Let it move on
My power comes to me
Under earth and sky
The night will keep me
Safe from your cry
So it is written
So it is done
One with the earth
Under the sun
So mote it be

I empath off of you
Hands plunged into freezing water
Running over the banks
Flood my valley
Drown me out

Wait
As patiently
As death
And just
As quiet
For the light
To come
After the fading
Of the twilight

These things take time
I am a heart breaker
With a broken heart
I know your energy
Before you open
Your ******* mouth

Matches for fingers
What are your flames
Not comfortable with anger
Or revenge
Where are your flames
Don't know how they burn
Only who lit them

We wait
For growing pains
To cease fire
I am not
Who I was once
I am new
I do not remember myself

Hold up the sky and give me fire
Give up the stars that crown your head
Hold the night in your hand
Before you bestow it upon mortals

Now I am known
Brighter than ever before
Wind me around your fingers
I will undulate in crystal light
Dancing for galaxies
Far beyond our own

Your temples in this world
Unprepared for the next
Stones die
Hymns live, on my tongue
Parting ways
Syllable splitting from taste
Cleaving to particles dancing in sunlight
Equally yoked
Bearing the weight of sins, unspent
Blessings, unfelt
Dreams weaving themselves as a coat
Around a man
In slave to his own folly

Here we bow
At the foot of mountains
Gods carved in stone
Refusing to speak
Begging for water to pour forth
When you will not even wash your feet
Memory is fluid
Dry your hands
The beast rising up from water
Seven stars for each of his crowns
A crown for each of his heads

Make a way into the mountains
You will learn of sacrifice, obedience
Your steps belong to the beaten path
I ******* myself with my own hands
Drag my legs through the dust
A child's prayers are better words
Than my liar of a tongue could conjure
Does God not remember me
How will I honor him again
When his name is dry and old in my throat

My nails crack and splinter
Digging into your thigh
The crows see flesh
I see pain
Red rivers running down your leg

Your voice splits like wood
This is a prayer
When you seek God in pain
Laying your cards out in the sun
Bargaining with the maker
For an ending
When you hold only beginnings for trade
When things are well
Your prayers twiddle their thumbs
Now, the heat rises
Your pockets are empty
Not so your hands

Who will bring me before the altar
Hold the curtains back
Who will speak for me
When my words are worthless
I dare not look upon God
I know he walked with me
Footprints in the sand
A sinners mark
Gashes open, running, on my wrist
A sinners mark
Mark of the beast
I cry
Sound splitting from tangibility
Fingers clutching at empty air

Who can look upon God
Who can know him
When he waited for me
Called me, by name
Who can spit in his face
Do not we all
Curse and swear
Spelling out our anger
Humanity is fickle
We are all fools here
Washing our feet
In the sweat of our brow
Pride is an anvil to the foot of success
You carve your gods into the mountain
Beg then to come down
To call down rain
To bring you up to the throne
If they seat you on their throne
Then you know they are made by man
Not you, you are made by hand
Tears of God still run
In the valley where he named you

We are peasants.
Tearing the hair from our own head
As if it clothed the tabernacle
When the cross was erected
The skull you hold between your hands
Is the holy of holies

Here we dance
Descrating each other in the name of love, lust and wanderlust
******* our fingers into locust and honey
That it would drip off your lips
A gluttons lies are no sweeter
Than the lies you hide under your tongue

The plates are shifting
Who will remember my name
The sun will dry me
I am dust again

Does the night remember our relentlessness
Here we drink, wine and stars
Intoxication of souls
Grains of salt, on sugar sweet lips
A taste of stars, for a black hole kiss
We die, the night goes on
To live one more day
Is to outlive all
The earth does not know
Nor will she remember
She bore you, conceived
Brought you forth
Out of the aching of her years
Turn your face
Lift your hand in anger
Were you not human once
Do you still hold your tongue
When angels speak
They crave your words
Your peace
There are no gods here
Maybe once, in an older day
Maybe once, when you knew their names
Passed from lip to lips
No more than a kiss
Their halls are empty
Fires burnt out
Smoke nearly touching the stars now
Their lungs are empty
Breezes settled
Will you quarrel with me here
Raise your hand against another
Lift your voice for a song,
with no words,
that you call anger
Give me up
To the sins of your head
Your heart dare not act out
I am worth these
And I am worth nothing
Change in your pockets
Will never make sense
You return me to the earth
This is your curse
Luna will call my name
Screaming it into the heavens
A voice falling only upon your ears
Turmoil and angst of your conscience
Your ears and neck burn
And you become one with regret
It will name you
Find yourself unable to utter any remorse
As it coarses like fire through your veins
This is hell, she is patient

I used to be cooler
Now I'm crueler
Older heart with harder lines
Reciting memories, to pass time

I used to hold
The sun in my hand
The day you left
I listened to Frank Sinatra
Trying to lull myself to sleep
I wonder
If the weight
Of the diamond
In your pocket
Holds you down
I pour my tears
Into a singing bowl
An unexpected sore throat
Crying hoarse tears
Over miles of separation
I hate silence
I miss being
Quiet with you
I miss being
With you
I am full of shame
In the same dark in which
You used to fill
Me with love
My dreams don't chase you
I wake up breathless
With no one to catch me
Screaming inside of my head
PLEASE
Please don't let me go
Time is slower now
I don't like myself anymore
You asked me
To visit you
In your dreams tonight
How could I refuse
Steps towards you
The easiest I have ever taken
The softest hello
Ever tasted on my lips
The last thing I taste
Your sweet kiss
My arms don't defy gravity
As well as yours do
I try to mimic
The way they weighed on me
It's never the same
I wait patiently
For the smell of comfort to return
Dripping life from your lips

I don't want to talk about mental health
I don't want to talk about how much
I'm shaking
I can type words right the first time
My throats scratching
I'm cluthing my water bottle to my heaving chest
I can't drink
I'm so thirsty
I can't stop trembling even though it hurts
My left leg usually starts the worst
Moments later my brow furrows
My shoulders tare tension
My jaws locks and it aches as I rock back and forth
And this is just me warming up
It's exhausting
And whispering "okay" in my own sheets doesn't echo well in my head
Not as much as when I part someone else's hair with my words
Anxiety is a fight or flight response and I fight the need to flee
Lock myself down
And wear out my lungs
I don't know what's wrong
Even if I did
I don't want to talk about it
I don't want to talk about mental health
How bruises show up from my own grip
While I loose my handle on reality
I don't want to talk about mental health
And the two hand hold it has on me

Your love
Embodies
The spirit of spring

Pin my body against the earth
Iron blood dripping on my wrists
Skeleton of ivory temptation
Relinquish me of doubt
That you could find love
For another, more ancient than I
Kiss into ashy lips
Promises the stars ache to know
But could never dare to hold
Tell me of when the sky was young
Before I was known
When you were alone
When the dark was nameless, void
The light untouched by sound
When the aching began
For affection
Then I came
With the first sun
And you knew
How dark the dark had been
How there is light
When you have a friend
May you never again learn different

Never thought I'd be the one
With my feet on the ground
Can't lie about the view though
I love watching you
With your head in the clouds

I'm not really into the whole self pity thing
For the most part I handle my ****
But I'm sitting here and my legs won't stop shaking
I hate needing help

I sound like a broken record
Turning over
I miss you
And I love you
Greatest hits of the century
My boomerang love
Comes back to me

We don't stand higher
Than we are afraid of falling
Yell louder
Than we are unable to hear calling
Sleep quieter
Than our sheets will remember
Mind melting
This house un-sheltering
The floor unsettling
Run, run, run
Our fears are more than true
They won't stop
Until they get you

Abusers act like their the ones who got hurt all these years
Insomnia speaks for itself
Waiting my turn to dance with the devil
When she is done watching the dead sleep
Locking her lips with mine
Her tongue searching down my throat
The kiss the church fears and all sinners crave
Clutching hand over fist
Living in pain, to die for pleasure
Acting in vain, without measure
Trading all worth, for fool's treasure
Cheap gold, cheaper sins
Cash in my hands, take all and fold
You dreamed wolves chased you in the dark
How do I tell you they are at the door now?
They will bite. Tooth in flesh.
Knocking on wood. Knuckles bare and bleeding.
I dreamed it was dark and the end all days came
An apocalypse on the ocean
Squirming through barbed wire
Hitting murky water, eyes shut,
Plasma pulsing through my extremities
Nothing good ever came easy
Nothing worth anything came free
Nothing hot will hold it's heat
Yesterday's cold will catch up
Still waters run deep
Through my fingers entire oceans seep
The old will not be born again
They are not stars
You only die once
The earth will hold you forever
As I ached to do once

Bring your truth not your anger
Though the alter take both
A burnt offering of words
As cinders fall
Off the smoking end of my tongue
The circle is drawn
You need only write your name
With the ink in your arms

I knew I had love with you
Because when I spend time with you
It passes as quickly as when I write

You told me you were an abandoned building
Left rotting in the sun
Elements creeping in
On your walls and foundation
Tearing down your roof and structure
I am not so
Come with me
I will show you myself

In the skeleton of my head
Ceramic figures sit
Silent, sentient
On cobweb shelves
Pictures of you hang on the walls
Nailed into a flesh colored wallpaper
*****, coffee stained carpeting
Leading from the attic of my mind
Down the back of my skull
Vertebrae circular staircases
Winding down and around
Through floors and floors
Of keratin wainscoting
Dusty shelves overcrowded with books and trinkets
Plastic dinosaurs and matchbox cars
A room full of doll houses
Plastic mommies and daddies
Driving four seater lithium battery powered doll cars
Cooking over two burner stoves with imitation heat
Playing pretend, I know this game best

Rooms with filing cabinets stacked up to the ceiling
When you pull out the drawers
Files and paperwork going back and back and back
Blue crayon bills of sale
Newspapers and emails color coded for different emotional reactions
Red folders with locks, chains, and warning signs
CAUTION FLAMABLE

Rooms empty of windows
***** of string for dust bunny cats
Baby teeth still tethered to the end
Strung between doorknobs and skeletons
The last flight of stairs
Leads straight down to a flooded basement
Salt water filling up cracks in the concrete
Bulkhead door latched shut
A femur stuck between the handles
You'd have to break a bone to escape

You follow your nose down passages
With markings saying 'connect here'
Finding comfort
In the smell of sage burning in between hip bones
Incense rising through chimney stacked ribs
Puffing out through a nasal passage

A few levels above
Curtains and blinds piled on top of each other
Trying to block out light
Pouring in through two blue tinted windows
Hollowed out, stained glass eyes

Mute little birds fly around in a tiny menagerie
Tiny parchment paper scrolls attached to their ankles
House arrest thoughts
Sometimes little rivers over flow
Down a façade of brick walls into little wells
To dry to hold wishes

In the right wing
Traveling down the arm
Little passage ways with doors
Swinging open and shut
Little electric trains blowing stops and whistles
Running around and around
Five little engines
Puffing out coal and smoke
Until they hole themselves up
In tunnels at night

In the left wing
Plates and dishes smashed on the floor
Ceramic shards rearrange themselves
Into mosaics and pictographs
Sliding around on metal tiles
Until they grind themselves into a fine powder
Slipping though the floor
Little skin cells flaking off the siding

Dry scratching noises echo through the tunnel
Back to the skull
At the very crown of the building
Rope makers work tirelessly every day
Stitching brown threads into the ceiling
Packing insulation tight in perfect rows
Until the rain comes in and washes them out
Trying to weatherproof roofing shingles
That act as if they are no thicker than coffee filters

Sometimes the power surges to quickly
Everything goes dark
Batteries overheat
Unable to remember which switch to flip
Which circuit breaker to fix
Which wires to cut, splice, and fuse the ends
Where to put the band-aids so they will stick
Until they get wet
A four battery chamber transformer
Inducting molecules, protons, electrons
Gassing up to restart
Not knowing which end goes to which side
How to get the cover back on
So I don't electrocute myself
Fry the circuits, start a fire

I end up
Sitting in the dark, alarm blaring
Emergency sprinkler system going off
Making puddles of tears
To drown out my fears
All wired up
Overloading and burning out
Turn the wind turbines on
Let them dry up the mess
Blowing fresh air through stale lung chambers

The ache in my stomach refuses to part with me
Empty shelves in the pantry
Don't cry over spilled milk
Tear up, when there is none to spill
Empty glass jars sitting in boiling water
All jammed up
Refusing to cook
Because one time
The gas was, accidentally
Left running, on the burner
Fear is a smell I would prefer die without tasting
A tasteless life no sweeter

I close the doors.
Oaken ribcage of my halls swing shut.
Hinges creaking under the strain
I remember why
I don't let anyone in
It's to cold in here for me
To quiet for them
Hating how I feel
When left lonely
Without a friend
If the dark is all I now how can I fear it
I am not near it
Becoming what I always knew I was
Not a single cut above, or below
Not a mark uncounted
I am the one who makes flowers grow
On the inside of the earth
Down below
Down I go
To dance after death

You do not fear the trees
You fear the forest in the dark
The rustle of leaves you did not make
The wind in your ears you did not fake
You breath smoking against the crispness of the air
Cold existence, creeping into your lungs
Fingers not yet numb
Clutching at sanity
As it slips into the dark

White on black ink
Let it sink
In ****** skin
Life seeping out
Gold within
Hollow bones
Aching cold
Praying for
Hands to hold

Bad dreams will come again
These are my oldest friends
Reoccurring nightmares
Ancient truths, older dares
Between floor and pillow
I'm running on wet concrete
Let me sleep

I'll be your mirror
You my glass
Tossed in the shallows
Watching ships pass

Flower carcasses hanging on opaque walls
Ego death coffin doors slammed shut
Thinly veiled ghosts of love
Hanging between whisps of curtains
Moon light refuses to touch
Paper dolls scattered
Open window breezes
Sit in the quiet, listen in the dark
Hear faintly beating
The silence of my heart

Love is
Where you let go of yourself
To catch the other person

We can change nothing about yesterday
That is why we have tomorrow

Through the realms we go, to hell
Places that do not kiss and tell
Secret river, in hades realm
Bough to stern, a rocking helm
Deeper to a buring core
The fire of life burning ore
Specter, spirit, who can know
The darker way we go

I have a theory
Angels being God's first and oldest creation
Ancient wonder, ethereal being
Then he created the earth and all within
Plants and dinosaurs
Some angels bore child by woman
Sowing winged seeds into the salt of the earth
Maybe those with old souls
Have angel blood swimming around in mortal veins

I feel for you
Stuck in the in-between
Feet planted in a world of ill written reality
Loose soil and empty words
Head floating in gray clouds
Of insecurity and confusion
Mental health handcuffs
Strapped to thoughts of happiness and emotional liberation
Bound to a ghost body
Walking through muscle memory motions
To tired to undo
Muttering threats to ourselves
Superego of resentment
Pitted against id and prefrontal cortex alike
Aching in our minds eye
Confined to unmade beds
Pulling ourselves out of cold sweat insomnia sheets
Into a shower of warm water on icy skin
Holding our own arms
Trying to keep everything in
Burdens we are unable to alleviate ourselves of
Waking up day after day
To a head storm of rain clouds
When the forecast is sunshine
Sunny and seventy-five friends
Who hold our hands for five minutes a year
Making promises to always be there
Yet we are the flaky ones
Shoving off at sight of sun
Remembering a younger self
Brighter days on a gloomy horizon
To tired to walk ourselves into
Taste of watery oatmeal
Coating our mouths
Biting skin on our lips
A sprinkle of dying kisses
Confined to a casket of memories
Burying itself in trauma soil
We miss the love we had
Before out hearts ever knew what breaking was
An introduction we would give so much to unmake
Time passes slowly when the clocks don't count
Stirring spoons in uncountable cups of coffee
Masking a long dry night in sips of caffeine
Zoning out when we drive
Getting to where we wanted to be
Only to drive all the way home
Sitting alone in the dark
Our only true comfort
That strips us bare of personality and humor
A blank white paper stare meeting sandpaper colored walls
Peeling away layer of an onion mind
That only brings tears
Pushing feelings and emotions around
Soggy cereal in a bowl
Watching the same three am show
Knowing how every episode goes
Hoping for a sound of music
That will fill even an inch of ***** water
In a deep well of a broken hearted hole

I remember reading
About Joan of Arc
A heroine
Burnt at the stake
She knew no hellfire after
I remember reading
Bound to the wooden post
She beheld a crucifix
Before her eyes
I think of this
When I need
To lift my chin up
Eyes to the sky
Not the ground

When I am missing you
The stars fall out of my eyes