the river's ice between my teeth
my small heart exposed
slow & white
my eyes black with rot


curious
i see your call


shoulders haunched & thin
watching yours turn


what am i
who am I


a new scar here
an abscence of some force you knew


my teeth drop
is it clitter clatter
or were it pitter patter

the bridge is lit
this river, dead or dark
as yet, frozen


rain, sleet, wind
my fangs fall away before my snarl
makes use


it is you
faces you

a small goal is granted
a warm wish in this naked winter
i held a heart once, nurtured & loved


granted breath and warmth


i howl and crawl away
into a new grave
the soil turned
stony, grey & salted


did you think of me?
did you remember me?


did you call for me
or were it just my memory?

chewing the scar



it's something given

confused, please grant me this burr

guilt & I dance into your throat

your ghost losing me
together now
searching your left behinds


one strip of me
pale, finally open & quiet
walking away

fold me into place

it's a free ticket

my petal falls off

she lays with control
on your left


my axe falls

I'm changing lives


inside this final pocket

with me trapped inside

the apple thrown years ago

muscle lean
stretched
it's fun with saltwater

tanned skin
kissed
bloat in freshwater


blood and *****



head to wall
watching your secrets
spill out

value
family

core your knees
a visit
your mouth bury thee

shaky
me nerves



******, never had
i now wash her brain



what channel
refrain



warm black milk
closer and closer


months ago, a threat me *******
be action equal


you down, extra credit
flaming bush


monuments to the fallen
warm black milk for thy brethren



taint a threat
my world moves with promise

i understand this frustration with advil
their simple string becoming your celestial knot
nay, your rot

shouting at touch tones
can't see you, no sun to glare
a new day is to blame

wake up and half bake last weeks clay
trouble, stumbling over a witch doctor's tome
meteor near, catch the Lord's eye as it crosses


take you sleeping fitfully
me under bridge
holding you nervously


i continue my walk
catching gnats and stabbing the air


disconnect your jaw so i may introduce another

tear mine
yours there

this heart skims and tears
i'm something here staring
heels stomping my green eye
it's me drooling
scream and
it's my froth and here, in left hand
the push
or pull
sleeping under the bit
killing you  
California, am i concussed or am I my friend


kibble kettle
and me mother
i come
drums tick
my friends


my life
thankful dust
give thanks

******* you lust
for you i trust


finally gives way
behind
filled

my friends click
my friends die

i didn't know we were far
alabama

man that
hoop loose point

man that dog bit
dead

man that kid
dunked


me asking to be
me or he

near
Laura


staying
or shivering



my corpse hovers near Laura



my **** and his seed
it's poured into a hill
my new escape

twenty vial
is this my new mile


life over.
no, under.


This vegetable's town.



dim and sweet
my corpse hovered

something to see
it's me

& red shirt
naught to give
sand between your phone calls
sandy big toe
uncomfortable


later, a shrine to flash



always said you were full of ****



now nobody wants me
pour friends and tell me


"yes, i still can"


hello
why is it so dark in there?



second edition of an emotionally absent mother
updated
expanded

currently catching fire

between resilience and vulnerability


sit on the grass with me
bury me


please offer

eyes, sanguine


could we turn the fan down


in stone glib

useless word
useless blue world


wet from concrete
we but cement

eat one and behold the rot of majesty
one can, one chemical

measures of sickness
surround my building


& valiantly
you take from me


a set of lights
malfunctioning

desperately in need of something that turns and rolls my heart
green
rusted wire

inhale grenade

second thoughts about this
let's not talk about it
yes, dress

closer?
no i have to stay far away

me who slit yours

yours who cut mine


little brother


as me stronger

you now weaker



if your head near mom's lap


me scream and see mom's map



o' darkness
i seal

i'm finding this future

*****
  scar

how her and here
my brother in a clay plot

i peek
open and cut gut

***** and see


to throw over shoulder
i stare
eight years


disassemble


new **** in ice-box
say it's
a parcel i cannot sign

I'm being stung by bees in the snow.

my pants fill with air

my pocket takes warmth from fingertip

four numb


very touching and very moving
sentiment from twenty years of last century



taking warm rocks from the unsettling effigy

ingesting them


it is too painful she tells me


a ram's horn

being stung by bees in the winter

chewing on dolphin meat in the summer


the beach is glass
the salt boils

my soles bubble
yellow cloud pushes me up

I glide on the hooves
in my new pelt

up there with sentiment, sweet kiss gifted

mine eye, the milky scar

now none know Fall without pain


nuzzle nuzzle
loneliness struggles


with bright worms

lush snow blesses death

together now


our song in dark soil
shrieks and tears


together now

just like yesterday
wake up today
feels like you
bruised and ******

just like today
felt like yesterday
is that pain

truth and drugs

influence

yesterday
awake
blue

today
awake
i've changed

it's hate

bag of ash in the air
one tin can
wrap each pipe with roots
dig up the mint

"to say I love you"



tears walk away from my heart


a new series of terror


you hold fifty one vials of my blood

loving you and waiting


something ****** the soil

the cattle continue missing organs

it's too much to drive

the pastor says he's been waiting for me

it's pretty much what you choose now

blue eyes
fruit only the river could hold

we chew onions from the Amish

one week later and I'm not strong enough

we eat

summer withdraws her claws

twelve wives and eight of them pure

it's your choice the pastor says again


that prophet speaks into my perfect ****


it's the neighbors next I'm told

and thanks for asking




-------------------------------------------

fifteen years later and there ain't a bullet which could take me down

it's two lines for every buck I don't have

there's a look now

--------------------


convinced it ain't me touching

-------------------

into the red clay

tarnished steel coos



brassy nose learning to mask a smile

it's twenty two to life he tells me

these sins you commit, it'd be worth it

try as i smile
he breaks my resolve


it's ten years ago and you ask where'd I lose that tooth


that barn all but burnt

it's four years and death threats

threats but none so close

a gift you told me

a promise comes later

after the flower for the pence

after the deathwish
it's but the only wish

I killed you a long time ago

it's just a bag of trash

inside are things unwanted


with that out of my chest

i ask replace it

with an old sweet dream

it's the wolves' fangs
a sight akin to my bladder losing itself

and it's your smile
that contains my heart

-------------------------------------------------------


­covered in a sheet of ice
thinking for so long the morgue was where i'd finish my first smoke
life burns out and death moves forward
a war is won with footsteps retreated, muddy & unaccounted for





it was my horse's tooth

'tis not that legendary silver fang

even now i taste you
weak and acrid in my happiest cups

much to remove

you

being such a series of

flashing lights

barking and hollering

defending and pleading

resurfacing and resurfacing

it's high midnight and I'm up to my old tricks again

in an hour I'll have my nose prepared
in two, I'll sweat and pray

praying the windows I opened last year give way to Carolina air

me chewing an ice cube
with you pressing my shirt

and a shiver breathes into me

it's a funeral, you tell me

in twelve hours time I ask you how I got here

another hour and it's your voice
causing me to laugh from my belly

pounding my fists into your tombstone

too angry to light my cigarette

the willow hides the moonlight
sheds no tears on this chapter

the willow hides night sky
a reflection from my dark eyes

they warble in fear

for the sound my heart is like to make

so if it'd make you stay
I wouldn't act so angry all the time

it's three years later
chewing soil from your grave


the worms but ash

my heart
a muted trumpet

pale imitation
crystalline defeat

silhouette of a cursed shade


it's five years and the marble runs smooth

it's ten years and the willow roots join mine

a legacy of agony
countless copper dishes of bitterness

thirteen years a testament of longing and needless suffering

every smile bled to death
every night a star turned inside out

it's two years ago and I hear your name

I splash my blood across my father's new *******


a woman now



his liver is thin

and his new lover


(he is whispering as he rapes me)


is an image of my brother


remove his cartridges alone and place the bullets in my heart



my mother cries

and my father mumbles to himself



i rise from the grave

remove my father's gums

i place my teeth in his mouth

and i collect sinew from my unborn brother




i order my father into the ground

i dash his newborn's face into a **** stained alley


i ask for my father's
full name, date of birth
and
his mother's most exciting fetish


with another larvae from my father's womb


another show of strength
here now i have absolute strength

..

a man came to me as a child
and that same man told me

enter me and you will love nothing but me

..

my mother and my father become a new awe.



into the soil a beautiful odor blossoms


where there was a palm of lilac,
a scene of gore.

and

where was an earful of ichor or
crested display of lilac?



my mother and i cry on her grandfather's grave


it is my first day free from prison
a great very loud exclamation


i remove what i feel to be an artery from leg


high up
above the knee
above the thigh


near my groin i bleed


and my mother does not see my pain



a
change of tone


a
change of pace



the undertaker is *****
the commitment is difficult

alas pride beckons
truth denies me



my own blood speaks and disgusts me



closing of my legs in 2029


with my father's ******* between my teeth

with my father's teeth swirling around my tongue

with my brother's cord now inside me

with my mother's tears on her grandfather's grave


with my unborn brother.


III.


with my son
with the one i love



IV.




i enjoy the moment
i do not splash my blood across my father's *******

i do not ingest my unborn brother


a
change of tone
a
change of pace



i am not released from prison.

i have not been released from prison







a second part beckons.







i continue consuming serpent's droppings.

my spider's egg-sac continues singing.


a terrible wave of violence.


my father's teeth swirl over,  altogether across my tongue.

into my pallette.

my new-york strength fighting.


a terrible wave of violence.








my father's new ******* between my teeth
and my splashes of blood on his hand-me-down mantle.

I cry

I cry without stopping





infidelity known.

she speaks.


a swarm is simply a swarm


I nod
blood spills from my ear.


a lance.

a knife to a fight.

short of a trophy
I prove myself.


star of track of field

six in the morning child

again


alas they say memories swing round


bad off

NATO orders my artillery to leave


die
(all of his connections)

die
(all of his corrections!)


its fingers
its denim

sweet sickly


the need to taint
its need to taint


of rose

of lace




and the nauseous chariot


I hear a man tell me to lower my pants


five fifty child molester





rumors of a wasp's nest.





Climb dig and burrow.

Four people become one warhead.


a family forgets it is first

a weld forgets it bonds



still a spider.

suspend my fangs



a jar



Orlando



Missouri



states away a kiss mimics a drone.


She
darker no.
now darker yes.


with shameful splashes we recover.
Gather and mourn in a corner.

a drink? a meal?

Yes, his favorite.

Her favorite.

Swallow.

First chew. Through salt and oil.
Find there the meat.


Excrement rots?
Fertilizes?


Or does it sink?



there

now our tears join.


With sodium we are one.

I'm drinking your blood
and you are doing many thing to drink mine


Chaos on this doorstep.




With you tonight.




remembering twenty five years ago


a signature is needed

a window to nail close.
a match to ignite
and a legacy to squabble over


life shines
i give birth
his mother
and i


and I'm praying he sees the same flake fall twice for the first time

and I'm praying he enjoys courdory

and I'm praying he has my mother's green eyes

and I'm praying he has my will

and I'm praying he knows my grandparents loved

and I'm praying he has my father's eye for beauty

and I'm praying he never knows where I came from

and I'm praying I haven't witnessed too many falling stars

and I'm praying I've not broken a heart


and I'm praying


i know it's wishful thinking


see thirteen species go extinct
see my mother cry
gnaw on iron bars
give more than have
gain a scar
smother an infant
bury a corpse
live their life
stroke hair


enjoy peeled grapes and tomatosoup with no vomiting


destroy a legacy


I reach into a wet trashbag
I feel hair and bone


I clean up and I grow up



myself molested
myself molded



a ******



two

three

and now it was eleven

twenty two?



then I wake up
and I forget



(hoping this would always **** me)


and I want to know why

pray tell which soul needed conquest

He names the vice
I name the price
With this we find

I refrain

Comfort for me
Replace these words with love
and we discover happiness

And you

and I become

Beautiful charred emotion

Pulled from that molten shore of an early earth

This will never end because I want more

If we had a brain we could regret
If we had a heart we would heal

Nay the spring slash summer pulls us internal

Nay it's you

You
So curious

And so evocative

Of man of
Woman
Of a soul

Still a flea

A voice here could want to sing

There in this polymer quietness

Bite my tongue, tear it out
Blink an eye

Unearthed that knowledge

I'm running out of time

And you run

And I'm still running for my life

I was fifteen
I was twenty four
I was eight and almost thirty

Me now eternal

And I'm still running for my life

thy hymn of rot

accept blood and broken glass.
thanking old lords.
hiding my bruised shoulders.
a pint of blood when I smile.
radiance allows me another sip.
cold water.

a witch hunt.
missing the scar and gnawing.

accountability.

appeal to consequences of a belief.

Quickly my heart could beat
If the memory returned

One involving the mechanism
And the light and no

No

It fades

Gloria

a tire screech and I wake

Listening to music nearby

Fight iron. Adjust the day's kick.
And kick and scream.

Dance, sing and shake
If necessary.

True love waits
It spins

..hiss..
(it spits)..
. . . . . . . . divine

But no one ever
sang or rhyme

My face blisters and bubbles
the collector at (of) midnight

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

my cupboard opens
my mask yes, sanitized
. . Me. .


What is love without us?

And draw the feeling of...


my voice sinking, falling

finally screaming at the bottom

...

outside in the courtyard
a raíndrop
collects all my thoughts

a brain spills
cosmetically
the owner shocked

remove your second tongue tie
speak clear

without a tear to drown your eyes

Wonder
And rhyme
A lash
A tune the wrong way
Without a drop near a well

No drive
Yeah
Answers with many many words