Wayfinder or Polaris
was the name of the poem
that had been ping-ponging around my periphery
for the better part of two months

This, I thought, would be my magnum opus
the most perfect expression
of the safest direction
I’ve ever known

I envisioned myself writing it out
finally
in Word on my Dell
between case notes
or maybe on a scrap piece of paper
while parked waiting for a client

No fanfare

that is how I imagined it
Important things always flowed effortlessly
like the boy with hair
that was my new favorite color

But that was not the reality
that I have ever lived in

Wayfinder: Polaris
My dad had tried to explain it to me many times:
“The northern star is located in the little dipper;
it is the last star in the handle”

It was lost on me, though

So I tattooed the words on my skin
never considering the still raised lines could
somehow outlast the sentiment
of the lover who never actually

had to speak the words

*typing…

i am broken and i want to be whole
death is stained on my fingertips
he loves the taste of my tears
so i wash my face too often

why am i so broken
there is no meaning in the cracks of my soul
i fill my life with comfort and
still death is always behind me

my throat is so swollen
from pollen and panic attacks
that ravage my body and
rip out the seams in my story

i've lost myself and
though i spent months seeking myself
all i see in the mirror is unspent
potential for depression to run me aground again

there is no wayfinder in my heart
like yours, with your goals
as a GPS and your achievements
like landmarks in your mother's hallway

i write beginnings
of sentences that now are
litter on the floor of my mind
because no words encompass my fear

and now endings are all i can think of
but i don't want to be another
face on the obituary, lost
amid painful goodbye's and small typeface

In the tapestry of time,  
woven with threads of our laughter,  
we embarked on a journey,  
through seasons of whispered dreams.  
From sunlit mornings to moon-kissed nights,  
each moment a brushstroke on our canvas,  
painted in hues of devotion and delight.  

Together we’ve scaled mountains—  
the summit’s air thin, yet intoxicating.  
Love cradled in the altitude,  
as adventure danced beneath our feet.  
Your hand in mine, a compass unyielding,  
guiding us through forests of uncertainty;  
every path igniting sparks in the twilight.  

Years blend into years like colors mixing,  
and what was once a gentle flame,  
now roars with passion against the frost—  
a wild fire that warms our days and nights.  
Each glance a promise whispered with conviction,  
every touch a spell that binds us tighter.  

Can you feel it? The heartbeat of our journey—  
an echo of laughter among the stars.  
You are my map and my wayfinder,  
and with each kiss we plant seeds for tomorrow;  
dreams flourish like vines in sunlight,  
reaching out into futures unknown.  

Let us dream beneath sprawling skies—  
designing lives filled with offspring laughter,  
watching as they leap into their own odyssey.  
With each hug that holds the world together,  
we craft realms where love conquers all fears—  
in every shared breath honoring this deep bond.  

How adeptly we navigate uncharted waters!    
Double sunsets await when shadows chase the day;    
your smile lights up horizons leading forward—    
and still I marvel at how far we’ve climbed!    
The paths may twist through valleys steep and wide,    
yet here we stand—not just content but bursting!    

In every ordinary moment I see magic bloom—  
a testament to companionship forged in fire;    
with gratitude nestled deep within my heart—  
the warmth of your essence wraps around me like cotton.  
So here’s to us—the mapmakers and explorers!    
Let us continue crafting this tale with fervent hearts.    

And when darkness creeps upon our brightest hours,    
let it find us weaving love blankets as soft as whispers;    
for beyond adversity grows an orchard of hope—    
grounded in trust while reaching for evermore.  

Each “I love you” lingers sweet upon your lips,
infinite echo reverberating through lifetimes.
Kisses seal promises under starlit canvases,
as arms embrace infinity folded within spaces,
always ending tenderly—a rhythm eternal,
an ode to this adventure: you and I together.