The first 5 months were heaven it was great you were the only person i payed attention to you were my bestfriend the only person I wanted to hang out with. When i kissed you all i saw was fireworks they were sparks in your eyes and i will never forget the way your hand fit in mine i will never forget our meaningless conversations. 8 months into it i wanted to hang out with my friends you said
No! I didnt want to wear camo anymore i wanted to wear black you said no i wated to wear makeup you said no. i wanted to my hair you said no!.  i wanted to be a normal teen girl and be happy you said no i said i wanted to cut you said i will leave you i said its over you said not unless i say so. i said i wanted to die you said you dont have the strength i said im giving up you said fine with me i was loyal you cheated. i wanted love instead found lust. i said i was ugly you hit me. we argued my parents blamed me. you spreaded rumors and lies and i said its not true. I slowly gave up and left now i feel better bigger and stronger know i want you to leav my life but you probably never will.

I was running,
I wated the wings of the wind to come on me.
But, not to lift me,
  Instead give the push I needed to break.
Not to break in or to break out,
just to break into my inner emotional being
And... I did. And I was there.
So were my disconnected thoughts
   and inner hidden beings.
When I looked at "them" it was different.
They were all happy.
Not deep and buried.
Slowly, it got easier and easier to break to them.
They, the inner beings, rose
to my skins surface.
They they broke. Broke every pore,
   and seaped and oued, to ever sad part of my life.

Bashful sins keep you away.
Greedy thoughts cause you to decay.
Gasping in the air of the imagery bull.
Your body so overwhelmed and getting cold.
Traces and images roam your mind.
Careless neglect and fear is all you'l find.
For heavens pride has been laid to rest.
Sitting all alone with the red eyes gazing into you.
Felling sad, frightened and perhaps a bit blue.
Knowing when you took the devils hand.
That you have betrayed the heavens and holy land.
Now waiting for him to take you away.
God would not have wated it this way

Earlier seeking somewhere
I could breath
in secret
An opportunity presented itself
and
Covering my tracks and slipping
Through the cracks.............    
............
stealthily .............
took my leave
Sure footidly i ran and scampered
The whole while feeling  a silly anxious childlike urgency like a
Toddler running from daddy
Cause i know he's gonnnnnnnna
TICKLE  ....MEEEEEEE....
Now no time for tomfoolery
This is dead friends peak
As i slowyly lay back on the bare rock its a little
Unnerving
The jutting stone cradles you so perfectly yet
Youre legs dangle 4500 feet above town
Its so far down you cant see it but theres
a coin operated telescope
Where
bets and braggers pay when they finally get
Here all they can say is nope
Needless to say im the only one
That ive ever seen sit here
Just some rocks and a huge fern
A perfect secluded solitude
A wam breeze bringing the smell  
Of sunday food
I lean ever so slightly
To view the carnival lights below me
And i slide .  .        .           .
Fortunately my palms sweaty it stops me
Although slapping the rock that hard
I swear it moved
And my heart murmured
I was a little concerned it wouldn't
Start back up again
I swallowed and took a breath
Both actually hurt.
I closed my eyes and re-positioned
I could smell dirt
Collected my nerves ,
Relax i said
Youre even more alive
Now
But lets never do that again!
Smiling on the outside !

Opening my eyes some how everything looked color enhanced and
Extra wonderfull
Watching the cumulus slowly churn
Above me
Like smouldering smoke
Took me to a better time for a short while
I felt free
I sat peacefully for a bit
In a sorta happy state of quandry
As the shapes in flux ever changing
The thought never occurred to me
It ..............
Was assuming disguises in effort to stall me
Although hinging on the menacing side
Being so far from me somehow seemed charming
A needed respite from the mundane
Now the nimbus turning charcoal grey
On this Melancholy Sunday  afternoon
As the autumn shy line consumes
Precious daylight
a dreary darkness
Like an empty heaviness a low
Pressure depression moves in
And overshadowed me
Within me i feel it
The impending doom
Looming above
has touched down
Groping blindly
Lurking around trying to find me
Gripped in fear and although slow
Im moving
Barely
a chilling breeze berefts the leaves from the trees
There icy rustling
Sounds like wind chimes made from bones
Strips me to my soul
Im all but naked and alone
The winds so cold
Pushing past as i exhale
Even the air i breath frozen in fear
From the ghastly thing behind
Looks like a spectere before me

And now im paralized i hear the funeral knell
Ringing for me
the same wind that hit my back now burns my face.
And i know now my time has come
It can smell me
Metaphorically im spinning a caccoon
And in it
Ruminanting within gloomy memories
Impatiently im waiting for in a short while even my soul will leave me
Why would it not everything that
Hasnt been taken has got up and left me
At this point i would be amazed if it didnt
...
......what im trying to say is this
Take my words exactly as they have been contemplated,
And weighted like stone chosen precisely , arranged ,braided ,
And conveyed in syntax and perfect timing
So when i say time apart from you is hard for me
I know youve only been gone a couple hours shopping
Look at me the house is a mess and im a wreck
Do you see what i mean
I couldnt find the vaccum so i thought id eat
Tried to make a sandwich  all the knifes are *****  left it started cleaning the room
Thought i heard my phone ring .maybey it was you .couldnt find that either then. I found the vacuum thought it wasnt working took it apart ....lost one of those little important pieces down the toilet ....... .......dont ask.... ..please       ......and then ....realized it wasnt pluged in.    ....
And thats when the toilet got broke......and coincidentaly
Where all the wated came from.i forgot that i lost the phone .then i wanted to know if you would pick up some.....  . .... . .  .  ........... .... ...... ......
........



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