I'm Not a Perfect girl
My hair doesn't always stay in place &
I spill things a lot I'm pretty clumsy
And I might have a broken heart!
My friends and I sometimes fight.
And maybe somedays nothing goes right.
But when I think about it
Take a step back
I remember how amazing life truly is!!
And maybe... Just maybe..
I like being "Unperfected"

Today I got a new sketchbook with an embossed leaf on the cover-
saying-"Nature's Best."
And the inside was so white and clean
I was scared to draw in it
to mar the beautiful pages with the unforgiving
mark of a pencil.
Thinking that I wasn't worthy enough,
I didn't deserve
"Nature's Best."

The most beautiful song I've ever heard was sung by a German Choir,
and I remember thinking-
that maybe, German is a beautiful language after all
hidden only under the angry tones
of fighting and ugly
hurtful words.
Vogel im Kaff, it was called.
I'm not sure, but when I used Google translate-
it said-
"Word not found."
Maybe it wasn't in German after all.

And the people who tell me-
"Ugly."
"Fat."
"Why do you even live, anyway?
It's not like you deserve it."
I know. I know that I'm not worth anything
But sometimes, I actually catch myself in the mirror and think-
I look nice
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for thinking that. I'm sorry for hoping,
for believing.
I'm sorry.

And you know that feeling?
When you're in public
frantically searching for the right chord
on a piano song.
Sitting a spotlight undeserved
Playing for people who don't need to hear this
"music"
Like cracking open a egg and accidently mixing the yolk with the white
when you're trying to make a crème cake.
A desperate feeling that's sort of scary
because your brain knows that there's no way out.
I wish all minds had a delete button.

Throwing myself into learning different languages-
I thought that if I could speak
German, French, Italian-
then I would be exalted.
That somehow,
all of that would change my personality,
Who I was.
Guess we all have a "no refund" tag when we're born.

The type of people who-
"Belong everywhere, but don't fit in"
and the type who
"Don't belong anywhere-but fit in anyway-"
Which type am I?
A leafed page of the book,
folded over to conceal ***** words.

You know, if you look at a picture long enough,
what you once thought was beautiful will begin to peel and fade
exposing its unperfected innards.
If it's that scary to look at something already "satisfying"
what would it be like to look at something not even close to perfection?

My simple, awkward, unperfected prose
will never be compared or even see the light of day
against the beauty or importance of any Shakespeare Rose
even these rhymes are difficult to understand or say.

The truth is most of us will be forgotten or swept aside
we cannot keep or hold the attention  of such a crazy world.
Instead we are here and gone faster than the changing tide,
our best efforts, the almost perfect moments end up being hurled.

I say it's time instead to accept our imperfections
take chances that may leave us without a thing
ignore the popular opinion; the inevitable objections
stop waiting for what will be brought and see what we can bring.

It's only when we try and fail and try again
That we live a life not thinking of what might have been.

How does it feel...

To be forgotten:

Like a Rare Flower Hidden
During the long Winter Seasons.

Like a Dream
That gets deferred time and time again.

Like a Toy
That used to be played with a lot
But is now in the very dark, dusty corner in the back of the room....

How does one live on...

With something that's Missing:

Like a Child
Whom lost their Trust.

Like a Mother
Whom Lost their Child.

Like a Soldier
Whom lost their Life
Never to return to their loved ones again.

How does One...

Lose their Faith:

Like an Angle
Whom lost their own Wings.

Like a Bird
That can no longer Fly.

Like a Feather
That can no longer Exist
Because of a Fading Dream.


How does one...

Hope and Trust:

*When they Know
The Messages would never be Heard.

The Truth
Would Never be Known.

While trying to learn to Trust
After it gets crumpled...
Like a Piece of Paper...
Never to be the same again.

Unperfected...

The hum of the wind,
a majestic breeze,
begins to emancipate your soul.
Stars in the dark night sky,
glowing to welcome you.
You are meant to be in this place.
The sand below you, sparkles.
The moon illuminates the rippling waves.
The trees are beginning to whisper,
the darkness seems to be more condensed now.
Glistening city lights afar;
Unperfected beauty.
Somehow everything that mattered,
vanished.
You were connected to the air.
It is as if you could fly.
There is a sense freedom,
As you were slipping away from reality.
Church bells choir,
embellishing the world.
Beauty is all around;
life is beauty.
Tranquility being the key to you and the universe.

Come hither to see
What lies lie in our humanity
What dissonance
Carries us
Dissolving into confusion
Resolving all of our angers
And rage unbecoming
Misdirected
Undirected
Unperfected
Wounding strangers
As well as loved ones
Come forth and bare the brunt
Of our burning destruction
I have known ignorance’s lashes
By those unnamed *****
Who claim control of the masses
Come here to see me
Invested with all the potential of our species
With hope well met
Even when hope failed itself
I milked the moment
And beg thee to see me
With all and none of my humility
Naked

As I came so shall I leave, for this life, I live to be I strive for perfections In an unperfected  world A thousand eyes watching Every second judging It burns my soul And kills my mind My heart turns to stone For alone I came and alone Shall I stay for along This path my journey will end Until that day when this life I Shall leave to live in perfect Harmony I ****** towards
A better goal one worth fighting
And writing for but yet I'm alone
Left in the cold as the hot sun burns.Deep within my soul the words, Of hurt penetrate my heart,And for that reason my heart. Is lost, I searched I seeked I looked but never did I find so alone I came and alone shall I leave with no fear or hatred for them who turned and left me for wolves to feed. I'm am the enemy I did not run I did not hide I stood my ground raging outside but calm as the water submerged beneath my feet, I will not stop I will continue on and before long my battle will be won. For alone I came and alone I shall leave for you and I will be a distant memory.

What if everything wasn't the way it was?
Have you ever posed a sentence with a question?
Unperfected.
Just looking for answers.
How to refine the question -
Or find the answer.
We panic at the thought of thoughts,
Of questions.
But should we find answers?
What if we don't have them?

I finish your sentences by
Pulling the words out of your mouth
Lending language to indecision
Lending tongue to unperfected precision
When the others talked about the bad guy in the book
I never used my ears.
Horse blinders on my head on the fissured sidewalk
I finally saw the unfantastical you I was falling into.

I wanted to comb out the phone wires myself
To tell them it was all true
But with my fingers on your sleeping head
I could not bring myself to split time in half
And offer a moment where my digits didn't graze your face.
I could feel you confining me to the margins of a book
You were ready to return
But you bent me over too many times.

The first time we talked about reading
We laughed about how we couldn’t make sense of paperback
Unless we had a pencil.
We were more similar than you thought, no?

I still think about the highlights,
I still remember your lines.