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Emily Von Shultz Nov 2010
I don't know why I did it.
It just seemed right.
The pain,
The addiction,
The feeling of grief that I just can't fight...

Though I do know why I did it:
The depression,
The sadness,
The heartache,
The madness,
The memories of trauma,
The ecstasy of panic,
The bitterness of anger,
A mind gone manic.

You told me I was crazy,
That I could never be happy,
That I was insane.
Now you keep me caged,
So you can play with my brain.

White rooms with white doors,
White ceilings with white floors,
I was locked inside a white palace,
I was ******* caged inside a white palace.

I can still feel the needles,
Leaving and entering my skin as they pleased.
I can still remember the nurses,
Looking at me as if I were diseased.
I wanted to get out,
I would scream at them,
But it was like I was speaking in tongues,
Trying to tell them that I was okay,
But their monotonous reply:
"Not today."

If only I had ended it all in the beginning,
I wouldn't be here anyway.


I felt like a lab rat,
Tested and controlled.
I had no feelings or voice,
I was just another speculatory exhibit,
A rat in a cage without a choice.
I felt like a prisoner,
Kept under constant watch
In a jail full of other inmates,
Contaminating the place with their moods of melancholy,
Some not knowing what awaits.

I remember wandering the lonely corridors,
And looking out a thick glass window,
Thinking of the world outside,
And the hot cement below.
I hadn't seen the sun for what seemed like years,
I longed for my love to dry my tears,
But my love had left me on the eve of my arrival here.

Finally the day came when I was released.
I had escaped!
Pale, shaken, and slightly aged,
But even after I inhaled my first fresh breath of freedom,
I was still caged.
Dedicated to those of us that have been institutionalized. I wrote this in 2008 during my first stay.
Jacqe Booth Feb 2010
i
Who is I?
In the Now. I am of true boi essence.
A writer, a recluse, abandoned only of fate: Destiny ever alluring in the palm of my hand.
Limited only by my own inabilty to be present in only one consciousness.
I am split between reality strings.
A permeant spectre, caught betwixt parallel dimensions.
At times incoherrant, lost in esoteric translation.
I am physic(al) - I of breath + flesh, perception being my holster, corruption my armoury.
Intuitively, i am harmonious, sanctonious, welcoming of illuminations and the darker side of each unfettered moon.
Awareness sleeps by my side. Each waking minute guarded. of commonality.
I am enlightened.
I am bouyant.
mobile, fluid-like in kinesis.
Conventional existense being the foundation over which i fly.
Arms outstretched, willing risk to be my pull.
Enticing Love to be my drag.
balance, mediums, equilibrium.
Lifted high amidst winds roaring with possibility.
I am stark in naked complication, although often prone to cover up in cynical, self critical analysis.
I am given of self; being the taker a refreshing discourse to which i stray accordingly.

Of culture i am a liar.
By nature i tend towards honesty only straying when survivalistic path need tread.
I am of blood,
private yet optimistically open to scarring.
By custom i am trained, civil, content.
Of instinct; native raw tongue, i am rampant, rapid in force, compelled to grow then emerge.
Only.
To submerge
is to take full scope.
i am telescopic
in view of A/all else to which i drown my vision.
I am unsure if i am young,
Although certain that my passage is still being lit by the glow of its entrance, dark passageways luring with their shadows and cavernous corners.
I am liberal, random in speculatory silence. I am idle, often motivated by industrial desire.
Mechanical in process, structured of cerebreal architecture, yet somewhat discombobulated in particularity.
Sporadic be my strain, its think tank choking always on the weeds of sorrow.
Essentially i am nothing: yet overwhelmingly everything.
I was
I am
I will
therefore i
Exist
to i as
A/all and nothing.
As yesterday is to tommorrow, and visa versa, i am a window, a door, a channel:
as closed as i am open.
Dependant only on my own deliverence of influence and potential.
Driven by the promise of future and the demands of my past.
I am a vehicle in time, my presence, my motion, my journey
is I.
Michael Ryan May 2013
Day in. Day out.
Do we know what this is?
I'm happy to say that I don't!
But maybe you do,
and to be honest I can't tell you that I understand your life.
I don't.
Possibly it's the motions of glimmering lights flashing off your blindingly tinged windows;
that seem to let the outside world spill into your unnatural mountains.
Where it only cast looming shadows across everyone else's day.
People that once could see castles and dragons, now only see 9 to 5.
Specks of compost are the only waste left of their Papier-mâché landscapes,
an area that once composed vast fjords and lava pits;
things that only existed in fantasy have been sliced for the day in day out.
Although this is all speculation, since I don't know the day in day out.
I am only a college kid, and my day thrives on speculatory dreams.
Is this the institution that sold parts of your identity away?
I'm sorry to say, but I don't know,
until then I can't understand,
some day I will,
then I'll know if it's them or was it just us the whole time.
That slowly stole ourselves away.
I wanted to make another poem since school is almost over and I know that I won't have enough emotions going on to write anything in the Summer.  Even if this is not that great, at least I was still motivated enough to write it.  To anyone that reads this,  Did they **** you or did you do it yourself?
Martin Dove Feb 2019
Truth be told
my life is a mystery
on a course to unfold
i do not know its meaning
and have yet to learn the being of myself
but it is imperative that i learn the deeper basis of reality
If i am to circumvent this ever-spreading void
The void separating existence from extinction

i like to think my intentions are pure
and that i understand the world
Thus make decisions that do not need
to lead to inner emotional warfare
But i know it is not so
so many things done are abhorrent and gruel
i anticipate the pain yet to be endured
points in life, of ever-present horror

It is truly a mystery
the answer is not known
for i do not have the right question
To end this speculatory heuristical navigation
Larry Sep 2020
Things we know-  our Collective deeds.
Eyes recording daily-feeds
that are amplified in broadcast rich/
Telemarketing schemes...
dots connecting dreams.

All that is perceived
must also account for that which
becomes from what is unable
to be easily seen:
describing what's around us
(purely speculatory: benzene)

Advancing this rigorous-reign:
like thee All-Star, "Dream-Team".
Lucky as the stars above teem
when difficulties careen & then stream
emptying-out--  over what's disagreed about/ or that's disavowed.
Stormy-night seen.

— The End —