are you
criss-crossed
starstruck
routined
day dreamed
*** crazed
hex slaved
are you
nightmare fueled
leaving soon
paranoid
must avoid
money ******
no luck
love starved
too hard
no fun
on drugs
hate sun
are you
worse off
all talk
can't sleep
repeat
back seat
like me
want out
big mouth
head south
don't care
not there
are you
me?

Do you hear
A teeny bit of uneasiness.

The sun still as ravishing as usual
Stretching out my stubborn hand
Oblivious to the unattainable distance

Sitting on the bus as I wrote
Pulsing to the beat of the on boarding passengers
Thoughts wandered off many a time

Agitation might fit in the verse
Staring at the pigmented liquid interrupted by insensitivity

Perhaps just another routined day
The water is still
Yet, runs deep
Initiating an elusive equation

Relatively Unknown

I’ve always been asked why I adore the rain so much,
Here is my explanation.
I love the rain because it’s beautiful,
Just like my older sister’s smile.
I love the rain because sometimes it comes wrapped in a storm,
A storm with loud rumbling thunder,
And with lightning striking an electric current that jolts through my body,
Waking me up from the deep sleep caused by my unexciting routined life.
I do the same thing everyday, and each repeated action pushes me a little farther into this hole of depression.
That was until you came into my life,
You were my lightning.
But also my storm;
Ripping through my life and drowning me in sorrow.
I love the rain because it hides my tears,
They camouflage into it and for once it feels like I’ve stopped crying.
I love the rain because I can go outside and be alone.
The streets go from crowded and loud,
To lonely and quiet.
With the most prominent sound being the tiptoe of rain against the my old yellow rain boots.
I love the rain because it’s smell fills my lungs and I feel as if I can finally breathe. Because the thunder jumpstarts my otherwise sedated heart.
I love the rain because it brings me back to life,
And alters my numbed brain,
Making me feel again.

These days I lay
on the bed at night
with my eyes open and bare
to think of notions that move

me to compose resolutions
too small to recall in the morning. And
when I sit here, at
the keyboard, try to see where it

was when I was lying awake
on my bed. Not sleeping but
seeing in the dark what moved

beneath my daily routined thoughts.
Things I need to think, need to
feel when rather I’m lost in oceans of vast

possibilities. I am when I lay
there and I can think of universes where
love is not lost when she is con-
fessed and I can have what I want but I

would not lie here, then.


© 2004

Whilst you snore in your room as big as a senate,
In the obscurity of night, I create thousands of planets.
Non-routined schedule is what my life you call,
My improvisation possesses the speed of light,
And yet appears to crawl.
I can say, that I know, as the world and I have been kins,
I adore engraving your gentle virtues and neatly carve your sins.
I don't sleep so as to make it happen,
Uncover the hidden hell, behind the hypothetical heaven.
In the silence of dark, empty terrain or a park,
I baptize my fingers with the potion to write,
Retiring from what's called society, so that I can get enough of quiet.
I don't sleep so as to make it happen,
The world's familiar with eight planets, yet I only know seven.
So lie down and go faint, to make your tired senses jump and twirl,
While I'm awake till the commencement of dawn to create another world.

Creativity lies in the obscurity of night!

Do you even know the definition
Do you even know the critical condition
Puts you in a ****** up position
Feel like disappearing like a magician
Routined like a ******* tradition
Feeling like there is no opposition
Only loved for a lil while, I’m being used
The physical and mental states are confused
Hearts asking my brain to be excused
Before another attack leaves it bruised
Physically and mentally beaten
It’s got me feeling like a heathen
Like if god existed why the demons
Really feel like this worlds uneven
There is no good or evil
It’s a dark place we live in
You can get stabbed in your own kitchen
The thought of that is crazy
Betrayed by the one you thought was a daisy
The way she left got me hazy
I was told to not give up on love
I was told to believe in a place up above
I was told to believe in us
How do I do that when you destroyed my trust
When you mentally ****** me up
When you mentally abused my mind
Told me people like you are hard to find
And now I’m really hoping that’s true
Because what you did to me was cruel
And I don’t wanna go through that again
Crazy how the people with the most blessings
Have the most outrages curses
Said you love me and played with my emotions
Just like a baby I’m going through abortion
Crazy how the good people were abused
Now the abused are used for you to be amused

You were my morning coffee.
With each sip, you became my perfect drip
I became alive-
But never learning
I wouldn’t notice my tongue burning
Neglecting how many grounds I began to waste
Now noticing each day there was a different taste.
Bold. Enriching my mind.
Memories becoming to thick, getting lost in the grind
Fulfilling. Holding you to warm the parts of me that weren’t awake.
Bitter. Starting days with dissatisfaction, never taking a second to reckon my intake of my reaction
Strong. Conquering moments that were holding me back
Forgetting the tendencies I seemed to lack
Perfect. There was nothing else I needed to sustain my days
Routined in my ways
I became addicted
Better then anything that could be predicted
You made the days seem easier, and I felt more aware. Like without you I wouldn’t be all there.
I never thought that you would ever run out after this long -that I would need to take my time having you.
I was wrong.
Unfulfilled. I started burning from the inside out
I could never control the amount
Raw. From each time my lips were burning
Weak. Throughout time I forgot how to make you strong
I just stopped learning.
Cold. From each time that I had left you sitting out-
You couldn’t handle the amount of time waiting for me to wake up and need you.
You were my morning coffee.

i am sorry

i am restless
i am tired
i am alone
and i love to be it

you wanted me to be like you
you are comfortable
you are attached
you are emotional

i am sorry

i was not who you wanted
but you were not what i needed
and i care more about my needs
than i do your desires

you will love another
even if you say you won't
i can see the future
and i know yours is bright

i am sorry

watching you hurt was more painful
than the thousands of needles i've had in my skin
it broke my heart more than words can describe
but i had to watch and fixate on how i broke you

you are a flower
and i am a rock
you are so beautiful, and free flowing
and i am solid, secure, and routined

it would have never worked

It’s the same thing everyday
I wake up around 2
Laze around till 3
And proceed to get ready for work
Everyday is stressful
Everyday is painful
I’m alive but not living
I’m breathing but oh so steady
No excitement
No surprises
Just routined depression