was there ever a time that i didn't love you?
i always have:
in the kisses neatly lined down my shoulders,
to where your fingers dug
and buried their bones.
in the epilogue: an afterthought at the bus stop
where i recede and float with the rest of your memories:
a lonely ghost that follows you home —
reaches for your hand,
traces the apollo line,

then lets go.

was there ever a time that i didn't love you?
i always have:
in microdoses of longing on rose gold floors.
in october's sunglow,
dripping away like melting flames —
burning, but not enough to numb.
in the doleful chatters of the dusk.
in the darkness, we are not lovers —
we are merely the envy of poems,
the ones i couldn't write several selves ago —
but all of them have loved you one way or another,
this i confess.
distorted and quiet.
desperate and clear.

in all forms remanent.
in all forms alive
in all forms, yours.

was there a time i didn't love you?
i guess i always have.

i will die on this hill.

a lithe figure stands under
the muted summer light.

a flight of arrows —
of betrayal you never see coming
until it sinks into your skin
and chews — marks the flesh
with the memory of
all her sultry kisses,
lingering in the air.

i can still see the traces
of her claw marks — pained. soft. desperate.
all over you, like remanent scars,
like a foreign queen to the royal seat.
where do i lay my love, then,
among all these tainted spaces?
where do i carve my name
and bless it with your daybreak stillness,
your midnight voice?

each hand gesture
is met with an arrow — a memory, catapulting;
a music box of your songs.
the haunting whispers of a ghost
in rust shirt and apricot sheets

i will die on this hill,
by these hands i've never felt:
the goddess
of ******* archery.
still, an arrow is nothing
but a cheap, clandestine shot.

they keep coming,
but the sunset is above me.
the flowers, on my side;

they know of this hurting.
they know these arrow wounds.

hanging by a drying stem
last day's wind worn remanent falters
no more sweetness or shared strength
countless others gone first without alter

fall's dull bodies, come light on grass patch
stiff, with apparent veins and discolors
rattle to ground to sound a hollow scratch
across an empty cul de sac of lost honors

from kind, distant branches, hush
evening swings a frosty chill
to gloaming trills of wood thrush
winter songs of wounded will

-cec

Eternal silence prevades existance,
The peace unchanging in the absence of everything else,
In the tortured darkness of the void unbound
I swim,
A single spark
soon to be
extinguished
in the darkened waters.

°

A pulse.
An other besides myself.
Not
unlike a repeating eternity.
You do not notice me,
Too lost in the writhing pain of
  new consciousness.
No matter
I will not leave you to sink into the darkness
And die,
  as I have.  

°
You
Did not sink?
Too strong,
You float just breaking the surface,
And I reaching,
Realize
I could not drag you down if I tried
And still
I banish the thought
And destroyed the part of my mind
That dare thought
I deserved to say hello.

°
Hello.
I'm silent.
Hello?
It's you approaching me,
While I watch,
Waiting,
Some unknown
darkening your golden state into the blackness of my sea

   H.      E.     L.      L.     O. ?  !  ?
°
You are frantic
I can't tell why,
I close my eyes and sleep,
Convincing myself that I just forgot
The fact I left you alone,
And that you are now sinking,
If only to try and reach me.
it will not work.
No.
You will dive, as you have done before
Fall far enough
Your eyes will turn black,
And your hair will turn like mine,
Twisted and knotted in the currents.
You will glare,
Like you only do,
once you have burdened yourself with my darkness
Spitefully and full of hate,
Before you give up on your arduous journey
And return
To the light.

|
–– 0 ––
|

I tried once
To join you instead
To swim upward like I had not since before I was-
Like this.
You looked so happy
Even after seeing my scared body
And knotting hair
And dark eyes
That stayed on you.
And I reached,
As I have never had something to reach towards before,
we touched
And for a single instant
We were eternal.


Oh how it burned.

×

Crying out you flee above the surface,
Far beyond what I could reach
Even if I tried
I could see you
The water clear still
As if the remanent of your presence
Wanted to make sure I could see
The only thing I was capable of causing
Was my pain.

You looked back down at me,
Acusing
And I look at my figertips
veins running gold with the light I stole from you.
I looked back up,
At your corrupted farce of happiness,
Trying to keep me near the surface
Even as you were too hesitant to come from where you flew.
And with every tear you cried
my ocean grew.

°

In my depths
I would catch a flash of gold
And fear
That you had finally made your way down,
Before realizing
If you had,
you would no longer be light.
So I followed the trail
And found you tarnished.
Taking you in my arms,
Dark marks blooming on your skin,
And pure revulsion in mine at the fact my hands looked prettier painted in
gold.

°
Ocean treasures
Lost amidst the sandy floor,
Hold no measure to you.
In my arms
We burn.
Brighter than the sun
I can't remember seeing.
°
Breaking surface is new
but I do not care
Battered winds push me under
And I fight to be out of the darkness that had been my home for eternity.
Golden flakes settle through the air,
Washing off your being
Leaving behind ivory and steel
And I wondered how you hadn't sunk
before.
°
You have yet to wake,
And I will not touch you more,
Only the wind is witness to the
First shouts,
first cries,
And first songs,
I have bothered to sing in millennia,
To pull you from your sleep
I break.
I am corrupted
And poison
And tarnished rust
But my heart is still beating,
It is enough.
°
Your first gasp of air is at dawn
Drawn into a body of ebony,
Raven hair ensnared in itself
And darkened eyes.
I did not steal your light but I am guilty all the same,
I do not feel it
Because your heart is beating
And I am empty.