At age 19, we talked about how we’d change the world.
We spoke of revolutions, of leading the masses, of burning everything to the ground.

At age 20, we talked about how we’d make it in the world.
We spoke of Bachelor’s degrees, of political discourse, of graduate school.

At age 21, we talked about how we’d survive in the world.
We spoke of refinancing our car loan, of apartments with utilities included, of budgets and personal finance.

At age 40, we’ll talk about how we can’t change the world.
We’ll speak of groceries, of laundry, of parent teacher conferences.

And it will be too late.

Maybe at age 19, our children will change the world.

Well ****.
Turns out money is a thing.

To live the "American Dream,"
means so many things.

Student Loan Refinancing,
Let's check that credit score,
Need to get rid of that jalopy,
Oh, and there's so much more.

****,
Still need to do my taxes,
What bracket am I in?
Do I really like this job,
Or was this just a whim,

To try and make some money,
and finish that degree,
that'll probably accomplish nothing.

But, we just gotta try, right?

Meanwhile, I still buy nice things,
To try and distract my mind from,
These depressive things,
Because how can I survive,
By living in the corner,
crying,
At these oppressive debts,
that loom over my head,
because when I was 18,
I wanted to be something.

In between notebooks
writing on the back of bank statement envelopes
My money would be in wise temperance
if I didn't haunt auctions for cursed instruments
I got a bargain baglama in route from Greece
it's just the chase
the replacement of writing songs and hard work
I could at least join the fox hunts
but don't forget coming from those that are forced to hunt
Sometimes envious of that pressure again
but don't resent cause it's just weakness
What I can't force myself to emulate
the neo-Malthusianism of my anointed material condition
_________________­

I'm back at it
running out of space
Might have to switch to that student loan
refinancing scheme from Chase
I won't even open it cause
I'm just waiting for society to value
education as a better use of time than
bailing out bankers gambling on the
backs of the poor and middle class that take all the risk
You swindle their paycheck and taxes too
Worshiping at the alter of the greenback printer
Sell your grandma and your grandchildren's future
__________________

I think I ran out of unimportant mail to write upon
I need to do my taxes so I can stop stressing
about hoarding unopened letters
I'm afraid I'll find some catastrophe like a disease
or a stolen identity
There's too much to fear in the 21st century
Yes, how weird
there's no aristocratic family lording over my plot of land
I'm not even a renter anymore except
to the bank and I get my food from multi-national global kings
Much less personal than the ****** that used to rule our lives
Now they're depersonalized into the corporate body
Escaping heaven's mandate
I suppose
Through layer and layer of fabric reality
the market, democracy, technology
is the belief that this whole world is fake
Ascribing deity to digital creators
Bad faith actors
Pretending it's other than profit you desire
"Profit's just a means"
but you need more means to make more means
What's the real product you're peddling?
Do you not have pride beyond the money making aspect?
Why do you highlight such shortsightedness?

Another rejection
I question now
Am I
Who I had assumed
I would be by now
Can I
Do anything right,
Just be given a chance
To afford the refinancing
Lack of romance
Or whatever this
I must have more
Life is for
If I knew
No demurring,
I’d gladly be poor
Even if
Still afraid
To my dying day stay
Relatively unchanged
It would say
On my grave