"War between soul and body,  I bet someone's excited for a victory party;"

"A task ordered to be follow, yet everyone's earth deep burrow."
                          
"Tireless days turns to week, later concluded it's my body who's weak;"

"Is this how humans easily manipulated that even their souls are risk calculated?"

"Fairness should be the mind set of all and not being selfish of a total *******;"

"Bring back the legendary chivalry with an upgrade of gender equality."
                            
"How beautiful I remembered the ignorance we only had;"

"From a simple smile of a little lad that brought wisdom to the mankind."

"Sacrifice is no way categorize to any age and size;"

"Though some people used it's power to be greater than their disciple."
                        
"A well feed hunger to be dominant who care less to the insignificant;"

"They were never a true born commander: for a master lives in the strength of it's follower, that changed their weaknesses to something progressiveness."

Phrenic prospectus imagination's immaturity.  Dimensional delineation protractive analysis.  Zoomorphic zoolatry's social contiguity's demagoguery.  Elan vital's apotheosis, oneiromancy's vicariously recalcitrant futurity fatidic.  Prescience clairaudience clairvoyant, astral projection's distance traveled-time spent to dynamic progressiveness, objectified manifest's diminutive minutia iotas, exponentially extemporaneous.  Flirtatious flamboyance extravagantly exorbitant laborious beleaguerment's hypercritically meticulous tedium.  Carousel ceaselessly ceremony chaos character charisma's incarnate.  Fabulist facade fantasia, tesseract, exserted protuberance trapezoidal quadrilateral, rubato rhombus.  Swarthy ******* swath swizzles, unicorn railway nails, down here at the bizarre bazaar we all believe in the blasphemous farcical fugue-ness, estranged ensemble orchestrations and all.  Accidence ambience acoustics, diction's enunciation repartee's rhetoric.  Retrospectively retroactive aorist actuator's attenuating arbitration's eidetic amendment.  Biologism beholden corporeally preternatural's alluvium aloof impunity.  Extremity's  adjunct juxtaposition's transpositional interlude's prophylaxis protocols.  Transcendent nimbus nimiety exorcist.  Proximity parameter perimeter peripherals, harpy harsh hast propinquity habitation's harbingers of harangued.  Exude emote imbue.  Impetus intrigue's intuitional intrepid,  transcendent translucence and opaque opulence.

what is wrong with me?! i thought i was way past this
teenage point infancy of feelings -
i thought i would never return to the boy that would
look at girls with longing in high school -
who'd ask them to be drawn - whether Janina in art class
to asking this new girl Emma a year my junior
when she started attending our school's sixth form
college and i asked her: can you give me a photograph
of yourself... i want to sketch you...
i'm sitting down writing this listening to music that
i listened to as a teenager... for ****'s sake... Backstreet Boys?!
you have to kidding me: i'm kidding myself...
i feel like a mollusk: all mushy-peas and butterflies
in my stomach...
she was new to the job... but i worked with her friend
who she apparently has know for donkey's years...
i always wanted to come across this sort of an English
beauty... dark ginger hair... not even remotely ginger...
no freckles... perhaps slightly pale skin... but in her own words
she tans decently... i was curious: that's not ginger:
proper ginger.... it's more auburn brown: perhaps a darker
shade of ginger...
and her smile: lustful yet at the time playful...
Gemma... oh Gemma Gemma...
         why am i getting all these butterflies... why have i returned
to the boy... i know this isn't love:
it's such a sickly sweet infatuation...
i took care of her on her first shift... we worked the turnstiles
checking for Covid passes... we had fun...
she felt comfortable... i gave her my hand to feel
how cold it was...
    i hate jewelry on the hands but i didn't even mind
that she had four rings...
then her back story... how old are you, she asked: 35...
see... at 35 and not married, childless...
what's on offer? i can see girls in their early 20s... in their
late teens... oddly enough i can never find these
girls.. women... interesting...
obviously i didn't ask her for her age...
she was going to disclose it at some point: covertly...
she had her son at the age of 27... he's 12 now...
ergo? she's 39...
                   what are my prospects? if i didn't go mad
at the age of 21, i might be your atypical male in his 30s...
with a stable career, a decent income....
probably a mortgage, a car... but silly ol' me had
to ******* and look for god and honing a life under
the radar of prescribing myself to the pursuit of art
and a quasi-poverty...
it all looks great when such elevated feelings come into
play: but i can't afford the sort of things reality
dictates when it comes to women...
some boyish infatuation bound to a 30+ year old man
is only going to hurt me...
poker face on...
     i can't provide what is expected of me: if anything
is to be expected of me to begin with...
i better keep my distance...
while there she is... telling me of her private life...
aged 27 she was impregnated...
the guy broke it off with her 3 months before they
were supposed to get married...
he apparently said that he would be ****** if he stayed
and doubly ****** if he left...
an alcoholic, he was charged with battering her
and her son: his son... then 3 years old...
he was given an 8 month suspended sentence and
some hours of community service...
his second, third, fourth? partner he also impregnated...
but she was already mothering three children
from three different fathers... ahem... "fathers"...
he apparently drew up 8 thousand pounds of debt
on her credit cards...
                      i'm in love, i'm infatuated...
but in the back of my mind... i'm getting "triggered"...
we talked about her kid... i tell her that i was also an only
child... the kid calls him ****, doesn't call him father...
hasn't really seen him: to the best of his ability to remember...
while we were coming back from our Fulham shift
she would rest on my shoulder,
look at me like a schoolgirl... i'd pretend to not notice...
she would sit slightly forward...
rest her elbow on my leg... she felt sick, she had a headache...
good on my to have had some paracetamol...
i told her to draw the glass down so gusts of fresh air
would her face...
god... the only thing that was missing was
seeing her face in the moonlight, in a forest...
RYAN ADAMS - STAY WITH ME...
we passed the national history museum and she thought
about going inside... the ice-rink outside...
the ice-rink outside of Somerset House...
once you get older ****** tensions become so much more
deliberate...
subtle... yet nothing closely associated with
the vulgarity of being a teenager: we're talking about
hurt creatures mingling with hurt creatures...
yeah, women made mistakes... judge them?
not when they are coming across so insatiable...
i never thought i'd return to this arena of feeling...
she picked up some Chinese take-away while dropping me
off at the nearest Tesco so i could pick up a liter of whiskey
and ******* home...
Fulham FC beat Bristol City 6 - 2...
                 oh Gemma Gemma, Gemma...
i've been living in England since i've been 8 years old
yet i've only ever dated a French girl, an Australian girl,
a Russian, ****** a Thai surprise, a Turkish *******...
an Ukrainian *******, a Romanian *******...
i too consider myself an alcoholic...
but... ramming my fist into a woman, choking her...
beating my own offspring... that **** is off-limits...
i've been missing to tell English girls what i've been dying to
tell them for the past 20 years...
would i take your son on a date with you in tow
to the National History Museum?
sure... i think i would...
         but that's what's on offer...
                            too many unrealistic expectations on
the behalf of 20 year old girls...
Gemma has a car... i rather cycle... could me and your
son go cycling, toward Epping?
sure... that's... what's on offer...
fair enough for the infatuation... but when reality
comes around to bite my *** i know this will only have been
a very beautiful dream... chances are...
for every kid there will be a different daddy...
hell... she might be a lesbian... but she has children...
she's dating women but... what?
she went to the ******* *****-donor clinic
for her sample of progressiveness?!

beautiful, i don't know how i found my extroversion
and my confidence, maybe it was always there:
sleeping... while i was looking for something else...
i might drink, excessively at times...
but even i'm thinking along the lines:
i ****** up... but i didn't **** up to that point...
not that i'm any better... just saying:
at least i'm not scarring younglings...
to hell with bringing children into the world if
you **** them up outright...
i'd rather have no children than **** up children...
but i still can't help falling in love...
even if she's 3 years my senior...

you know what she even mentioned... her anxiety...
why are these women so open with me?
i'm the guy who ***** off into a forest or a graveyard
at night... am i to be trusted?!
so she tells me that she started gnashing her teeth...
grinding them unconsciously...
because of all the stress her supposed super EX...
the one that impregnated her, that run 8K pounds' worth
of debt on her card... she now has to think about
getting filling on four of her teeth:
since she was grinding her teeth...
i did that once... just after my great-grandmother's funeral...
i sat alone in the kitchen and gnashed my teeth...
i also took a red rose i was supposed to throw
into the grave for some ******* reason:
which i didn't... i didn't... i sat alone in the kitchen
at night and played around with the candlelight...
i managed to turn a red rose into a purple rose
by the use of candlelight...

to be in love once more: but... oh **** me...
the reservations keep flooding in...
this might only become a one night stand of me feeling this...
we picked up her Chinese takeaway...
while she dropped me off i was tempted to
kiss her hand goodbye... i refrained...
i was sort of waiting for the words:
you want to come over with me?
i just left her to her Chinese takeaway to herself,
alone... i'm drinking whiskey on my own...
but... am i alone?

               what a ****-show modernity has become...
honest to god and the devil...
the arch-angels and the demons....
you are here: you are here...

tonight i might have to mount the tired
steed of snow & the frozen lake...
to make it over some minimal distance...
oh Gemma, Gemma, Gemma...
you eating the Chinese take-away yourself...
not that i'm at all the best of company...
but how pretty you look.

you rarely want to think, let alone write,
after cooking a perfect mushroom risotto...
and i mean: a perfect mushroom risotto...
i don't mean just using atypical shrooms
grown and harvested in dark chambers...
tasteless...
    i mean the proper stuff... i used to go
mushroom picking with my grandfather:
prawdziwki, kurki...
     maslaki... oh... and... lopienki..
pickling mushrooms was a great joy...
sort of on par with fishing...
                  i can't stop thinking about my
first bicycle... an Italian Salto...
no brakes on the handlebars... breaks in
the pedals... if you tried peddling backwards?
you'd break... almost magic...
and by accident i discovered a new band from
Sweden... of course i'm a big fan of Ghost...
now i'm converting to Priest...
    Synth-pop, 80s Synth... Horrorsynth...
Darkwave...
   i could never stomach the fact that i loved Spawn
more than Batman... but i had to...
oh hell... once upon a time anything out
of Sweden that was pop was tameable...
Roxette-esque...
  

  i don't understand the fragrance of popular culture,
i think of it as so.. demeaning...
too invested in...
that's why i scout for music i'd rather listen to
before going to the brothel...
i wouldn't trust a mn
with hands the same volume as his legs...
or perhaps larger... girth-wise...
that's me thinking:
this man... must be drinking... some...
special... "*****" juice
i don't trust men with the girth of
their biceps to be larger or equal to their calf
girth...
i also don't trust headless chickens!

how many times i had to eat my own pride
for the fellowship of man...
how many times i knew i was better:
how i was orchestrated into a hierarchy
by idiot: how many times i tried to break the rules...
giving out free food to those beneath ne...
how many times i overcome the dictates of
hierarchy... in order to become
this benevolent (of a) man... but clearly i'm hiding
my horns... like i will never ask for a tattoo...
sooner another scar before any ink
blotches my copper-neck skim... of skin... come
summer..
             i want a 2nd schism in Islam...
i don't why... i don't even know how...
how? don't you just ask a lot of Arabic men to form
a rebellion against...
the zeitgeist of polygamy: of a hornet nests' western
women larva... harem?
                  don't you simply become,
dangerous in thinking?
              i want a second schism in Islam...
i need it...
            Christianity is too
polytheist: -ally in in its mindset of splitting apart...
next new Christian is an ally of
a future schism... bishopric of ****-a-fat-load-of-fold....
while pretending to not play cards...

Christianity is a religion of fractions...
a third the multiplier
within the confines of more fractions...
not even the orthodox church of Russia
can save this parasite...
of cognitive inabilities!
    not even Nietzsche could have predicted...
the force... with which this establishment
is going down: down a crushing down!

oh the church is burning... it's burning alright...
the fire was burning well before the church...
the wolf was chased... hunted down...
but... the fox wasn't...
now the forest is burning... and so it the church:
mind you: you already changed the church
into a fetish for progressiveness..
you changed the church into a chandelier
SHOP! you ****** on the crucifix...
i'll ******* **** into the iron maiden!
no no! he didn't deserve the ultimate demand
of suffering!
there was more! more to be asked of!

suffer for all?! truly? no, no he, didn't...
                   come now: Lord of Mosquitos...
best baron of Hell! you alone know the spell!
blood for blood... wine and water for blood:
you! Lord of Mosquitos!
Jesus!
                                    HA
what's your actual name?
hardly Mammon, hardly Maloch...
Behemoth, Belial... how... do, we, name, you, you?!
you grand... fickle little, creature?!
you illiterate ****-sucker

                           you're a ******* Crustacean of Hell
to be made so easily available...
for prostitutes to adore and make
****** profanities of themselves via
nunnery!
you, *******... dog-****-faced-demi-god
of a "perhaps" man... you crucified glamour-model...
irritable gnat: a most effeminate man...
this is my prize?
to challenge your tortures?!
what? that's it?! i live in order to prize
your tortures as the asset of the essence of life?!
seriously?! i'll ******* ****...
i'll *******... i'll ******* circumcise over your
instrument of torture... and then...
only then... i'll call all things... encompassing:
******* holy... you rotten corpse of an idea!
no... oh no no... you have no taste
for wrath... you don't have an idea
of the saltiness of blindness coupled with rage...

you just want... people to worship
the instrument upon which you died!
i hope... you could have tied yourself to a more ingenious
instrument of torture!
you! shackled! to an iron maiden! wouldn't it have
been more poetic than you attuned yourself to?
a ****** birth: death via the iron maiden?!
you're glorified! for causing the suicide of Judas!
i'm an *******... i know i am...
but i'm still waiting for someone to **** themselves for me...
oh... believe me... i'm... waiting...

i need the night to grow a bit darker... i need for a loss of breath.... i just need the best tractions to become imposed...

so much for believing in Jesus...
i dropped faith in him ever since i was spat into my mouth....
and he asked me to turn the other cheek and get slapped a second time...
**** him: i'm about to nail him into a grave of hanging,m
that's how nature works...
to hell with man overcoming nature...
Copernicus didn't overcome nature...
he just realised nature was thus...
i'm nailing Jesus to his ******* cross...
then? i'm going to ******* spin him and pretend he's
a good luck compass attachment!
since... i might not make it as as far as Mecca...
no wait... i'll probably ******* further: beyond Mecca...

yeah... but nail him... nonetheless...
North is heavy-based... as a torrent for direction...
i might need a corpse on the spiral to direct me...
otherwise, who the **** cares?! i don't...
he cared too much: so did those people that i can harvest,
worth... 2000 years or so... the greatest time for
individuals to be spawned...
the ******* time for... anything else.
i'd love to live in a time that requires me
to establish a legacy... hmm.. me: children: my own?!
sons! daughters?!
oh **** me... go eat **** and listen to the ******* adverts
you ******* wombat!

fair enough... hello world: *******!
as you told me, rightfully so: ******* too!
well: ******* for ******* alike...
at least the meteor didn't **** man as it might
have killed the dinosaurs...
i don't even know what killed man off...
by best guess is... ACTING...
his "original" sin... ACTING... he pretended
that he didn't exist... it must have been a toothache...
or... a hernia... perhaps... diarrhoea... then again?
no... seriously.. it couldn't be a Siamese Twin!
i think acting... or bad comedy...
what killed the dinosaurs?! the failure of the moon?!
so what killed man... inverted-Darwinism?
idiots replaces the sort that... otherwise...
oh... right... the Nazis would have favoured?!
**** me we're ******...

Phrenic prospectus imagination's immaturity.  Dimensional delineation protractive analysis.  Zoomorphic zoolatry's social contiguity's demagoguery.  Elan Vital's apotheosis, oneiromancy's vicariously recalcitrant futurity fatidic.  Prescience clairaudience clairvoyant, astral projection's distance traveled-time spent to dynamic progressiveness, objectified manifest's diminutive minutia iotas, exponentially extemporaneous.  Flirtatious flamboyance extravagantly exorbitant laborious beleaguerment's hypercritically meticulous tedium.  Carousel ceaselessly ceremony chaos character charisma's incarnate.  Fabulist facade fantasia, tesseract, exserted protuberance trapezoidal quadrilateral, rubato rhombus.  Swarthy ******* swath swizzles, unicorn railway nails, down here at the bizarre bazaar we all believe in the blasphemous farcical fugue-ness, estranged ensemble orchestrations and all.  Accidence ambience acoustics, diction's enunciation repartee's rhetoric.  Retrospectively retroactive aorist actuator's attenuating arbitration's eidetic amendment.  Biologism beholden corporeally preternatural's alluvium aloof impunity.  Extremity's  adjunct juxtaposition's transpositional interlude's prophylaxis protocols.  Transcendent nimbus nimiety exorcist.  Proximity parameter perimeter peripherals, harpy harsh hast propinquity habitation's harbingers of harangued.  Exude emote imbue.  Impetus intrigue's intuitional intrepid,  transcendent translucence and opaque opulence.

“Dear Uncle David, I want to thank you again, and Wallis, for having me at your home in the Bois de Boulogne. It’s a rare thing that fate should allow a former king and a king-in-waiting to meet. To tell the truth, it opened my eyes to a few things. To the nature of kingship… the nature of love… and all the difficulties that go both… I’m sure you know the family would have preferred me not to visit you. Afraid, perhaps, I might recognize myself in you, sympathize with you. Well, let me confess that I do recognize myself in you. Your progressiveness and flair. Your individuality and imagination. What a king you would have made in a kinder world. What a king we were denied. It makes me so sad to see you living in exile, when all you did was take a stand for principle, and love one woman completely. You were cruelly denied your right to reign alongside the woman that you wanted by your side. But I give you my word I will not be denied what you have been denied.  The Crown is not a static thing resting on one head. It is moving. Alive. Divine. The changing face of changing times. And if, God willing, it has been ordained that I should wear it… then I shall do so on my own terms… and hopefully, make you proud.” - Prince Charles

how do you miss someone you do not know anymore,
someone who does not exist anymore?

let me evict you from my mind!
stay away from the whole of me who you've never met
let me cherish myself to the fullest extent and do not come near me
do not linger in my mind,
reminding me of my youthful lack of progressiveness,
reminding me of my lack of choice and education
I was just a child
I did not understand what was happening or even who I truly was

And
please please please,
do not call me a victim.
Your voice is poison,
and you fetishize victims to feel like you're a better person.
They are collectables, yes?
Do any of them know about me?
15-year-old me, constantly tremoring?

She yelled”Crush me, will gush out with vengeance more strongly as a stream
My desire to live and conquer will wipe out darkness like Sun beam
******* to smithereens ,but ,me bullied into silence? No ......never
No one ever pities me ,no one has the right to define me ........ever.”

He cried “ Take away my childhood but dare not ****** dreams from my eyes
Today I am victim of circumstances, tomorrow may hold a surprise
Discourage me every step of the way ,but,me stopped ?No ....never
No one ever suppresses my voice ,or strangles  my spirit ........ever.”

Born out of wedlock she is unduly the victim of tarnished identity.
Respect him for- what he is than who he is - don’t deny him dignity.
Let their innocence,youthfulness,exuberance be the essence of beauty.
Usher in a new dawn,sans bleeding hearts,throttled laughters and fractured society !

Girls are born victims of gender biased, so called progressive era
They are trapped in bottomless dark pits,yet,may be called Akira
They are victims of greed,need and misdeed of male chauvinists
Kids,marred,scarred,tarred,dumped for life, them who will uplift?

In our zeal to conquer we have all but landed on Mars and Moon
Progressiveness of civilised world,who decides it is a bane or boon?
A crying shame ,children are deprived of their innocent childhood Women,the torch bearers of society,who cares for the tears THEY shed ?
Copyright(C)Bhargavi Ravindra.........29/5/2020
Akira....A Japanese word means light, bright ,clear..

The most wonderful of all things in life,I believe,is the discovery of another human being with  whom one's relationship has a growing depth,beauty,& joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two persons is a most marvelous thing. It cant be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it, it is a sort of divine accident, & one of the most wonderful of all things in life!
However the human heart is so easily deceived by the promising words used so easily and embarked on another’s heart so heavily.
Love and all of its purpose , to be cherished and held sacred not abused and held hostage
Love shouldn’t be confused with habit nor possession or obsession
Love is pure and simple Love