A small and gratuitous thank you
to every single one of you
who read my absent minded emotions
that I plaster among the fields of great poetry.
A gracious acknowledgement
to the best friends
who listen to me say the same things
over and over
about the same boy
and his beautiful hands
and his leaving for Germany.  
A sincere recognition to the new friends
who tolerate my abnormality
and hang with me through the spontaneity
of midnight conversations through
binary code of chat functions.
A sincerest gratitude
to the mother who carried me through
the hard winter
when anxiety made me heavy
with the weight of my worries.
Who now shares happy afternoons
garden beds
and chai tea on the front porch.
To everyone in my life
who witnessed my darkest hours
and sunniest peaks.
To every single person who has trekked the terrain
of my unpredictable personality
and sarcastic biting words
my cruelty and arrogance
my sleep deprived, half assed attitude
my unpredictable pickiness
and my constantly changing tastes.
You have seen me at my worst
and stayed strong by my side
so now I am proud to share with you my best.
To everyone who helps me get through the day
Thank you.

i watched as your mother
screamed at you for
being unable to choose between
berries or sweets
berated you for your pickiness
and demanded your love
after giving you a treat
you never asked for
i hope young girl
you grow up to be
as indecisive as me
because who says you can’t have both?
who says it’s anyone else’s decision
but yours?
besides
who compares chocolate to vanilla
anyways

Death says to me
Come here my boy,
I'll take you away

I think, "I can finally flee"
I am not playing coy
The pain will go away

I love the idea of living
But the pain wont go away
Just like a knife to the heart
And I dont want to live
Feeling this way
I dont want to live at all
I have no love
And nothing happy
In this thing they call life

I wish I had a friend
Girl,
If pickiness was an option
But anyone would do

I thought I would be happy,
If I could find someone good
But there is no good in site

I am suicidal
But I cant bring myself to do it
I am waiting to find someone good
Or to save another life
To help a girl
Who feels like me

I dont hate
But myself

I am giving up
Slowly these changes are coming
I want to cut deep
Deeper than ever before
Sharp and precise
Smell the iron
See the red
Feel the warmth that she could never give
Make me dead

Death
If you could
Make it easy
I don't want to hurt anymore
I want to stop feeling
Make me satisfied
Take me away
**** me

I am ready to leave
I am ready to go
Make it easy
No one needs to hurt for me
They dont deserve it
I need to leave

This is me
This may be the last
Goodbye