standing in front of the pacific
sea salt hair, frothy finger scooping
water back into the sea
gulls hungry desperate endangered
if not for stranger's crisps
clawed baby *****
pincers at the ready
crushed by babies human
shell fractured by skin
hands held together by other hands
threaded together like a lifeline
families laugh, dolphin-like chortles
over nothing
at all
and sons and daughters
forgo their differences, chuck them
into waves with grey shore rocks, protect
their towels and castles and bodies
with sand moats, a starfish
plunked dead center
far away from home
iridescent sea shells collected
as jewels, worn around pretty
bruised necks of housewives
content in their one-day
ocean excursion turned revolution
solitude as i watch
and sit and think and think and
feel and watch some more
eyes like those saccharine
candy floss treats, cloying to
tongues and fingertips, alone
in another universe i am
with a family
tossing our children into ocean waves
dunking ourselves into the deep
collecting glinting shells for
our jewelry, breaking them
as they are shoved into plastic bags
but today
in this universe
i am the crab
crushed by skin
and flesh
and bone
a soulless thing
careful to observe, cautious, fleeting
miniscule
to be fed upon, ******
dry by trauma,
licked off the fingers of
would-have-been acquaintances
a carcass of longing
for moremoremore

yet never quite certain
how to crawl towards it
lest i be
stomped upon
again

so i sit on the beach
inhale saltwater and laughter and affection
through my skin
and make friends with sea creatures
as lonely as i am
as insignificant
as me

drunk kisses in bars
smell of alcohol on your lips
taste of your last shot on your tongue
warm flesh from breathlessness
ruthless grabbing and groping
always wanting moremoremore

I was teetering on the precipice
of something.
edging towards the glimmer.
mashing tongues,
you tore me limb from limb.
I'm glazed with sweat.
you baste me in honeydew.

in the bedroom we speak in vowels:
oooOOHHhhooo
uUUHhh.
AAAAaaahhh
The sounds of death,
Long awaited for.
I died like this every night and loved every minute of it, bruised down to my bones.
i i i, want moremoremore.
Give my teeth a whitening.

You are the eye of the storm
the first leg into a pair of pants
the bone with the best sense of humor.

you left me high,
but not dry.

accept this broken french as a gesture of my affinity:
je taime
tu me manques
je tadore mon lapin
bisou bisou

Why must we go to and fro assuming constraint?
I've fallen through a nothing-air.
In a quite fog on that empty afternoon,
when the dusk aches for a little leave, I turn, revolving in our nothing-nothing-air.

As that twig snaps, I can sense only then that I am moving.

More.
more.
more more moremoremore

When that devil kisses your cheek, and you feel loved for once,
                 i
                 am
                  Singing myself lullubies



lullabies out of all the words you said.

I thought I saw
What I thought I knew
What I thought was real
What I thought was good

But what I thought
        was just a thought

And that's all it was
         just a notion
         just a guess

a shot in the dark


I think, I thought
I say, I do
She says, She needs
He knows, He tries


But things we think
   and say
   and do
when clock bells ring
and hands strike 12
Are colors stained, beneath dark veils
canvas of dust, that civil eyes hide
and the artist

idle

idle, so idle becomes ashamed
and thinks
and ponders if there is another meaning to this

shameful portrait

and thinks
and does
says, knows
needs, wants

takes up arms

furious strokes

____l e f t

r i g h t___

\
  s
     l
       a
         s
           h
             e
               s
                  \
and

     thrusts -------->

burst noise
spew sweat
drip curses
bleed color

more
more more!
  more   more! more!
more  more!   more  more!
more!  more!  more! moremoremore!
moremoremoremoremoeroerermroeom

And      ----



now

with  heavy  breath

          another


         one more

eyes, stinging sweat, open
thinking, hoping, praying
scared, half smiling
stares


and stares


a

n

d






s
t

a


r




e






s







still                       _


                                                quiet        ­             _ 



canvas of dust
canvas of lies
canvas of this and
canvas of that but
canvas of what?!
and down comes the veil
like it always does
like it always will


and again it is dark

under the veil