You tell your kid to give the dog food and water. He mishears you and asks what moonwater is, and you fashion his mistake into a poem. ;)

Getting pizza,
Carbs to soothe the anger and indignity.
Getting a takeaway box,
cuz you don't scoff it in time,
to get to class.

Walking towards class,
then turning around.
Thinking you look crazy.
You can’t go today.

You were crying in the pizza shop alone.
You were building up to hyperventilation,
as you crossed the road

You get to your car.
You can’t drive right now.
So you cry and you hyperventilate,
you hyperventilate and you cry.
You think about how people
saw you doing that on the way over
It’s embarrassing.

You ring EPS and you hang up.
You ring the crisis line but hang up.
You’re embarrassed that you’re
making a phone call but you can’t talk.

A man called Peter answers.
He mishears your name 3 times,
cuz you’re gasping.
You’re embarrassed.
You spell out your name
as you always have to.
You’ve got a weird name.

Your chest is getting tight.
Your head is getting light.
He tells you, you need to breathe.
Hyperventilating can make you pass out.
You know.

You barely comprehend what this guy Peter is saying.
But you’re following his instructions;
you’re breathing.
It’s such an achievement.
But, ****! This should be simple.
He asks you if you feel better.
You tell him you’re still worried about
What you’re worried about.

You lie down and cover your face with hair
when people you know walk past.
You hope they don’t recognise your car.

You’re driving to EPS,
You’re embarrassed.
You’re exhausted.

You take yourself and your pizza box inside.
You talk about what you’ve talked about before.
They have similar responses.
Tissues.
Breathing.

No-one knows you’re here.
You go home.
You’ve stopped crying.
You start crying again in the car.
You’re exhausted.

You cook dinner for your flatmates
They ask you how your day was.
You cringe thinking about the emails you sent
to classmates asking for their notes,
for the lectures you missed.

7:58am
I climb the stairs and turn left
where he waits for her to get her books
He gives me a heedless smile
and I turn right

11:23am
I sit on the marble floor
as I finish my banana
I take a walk
un-ironically so that I pass him
He's laughs beside her
as I fade into the background

2:17pm
I sway side to side
watching from the outside in
as they heal and I break
she tells him to have a good night
and gets on the bus

2:30pm
I sit alone
waiting for my mother
after school hours
it is only the two of us
he sits beside me
and asks how I've been
I say I could be better

2:39pm
He tells me that if I ever need anything
he's always around
His voice urges me to tell him what's wrong
but I laugh sheepishly and murmur a thank you

2:45pm
I receive a text from my mother saying "10 mins"
I put my phone away and give my full attention to him
He receives a text saying "Hey babe"
and mishears what I said
We sit in silence
as I study his fingers tapping away
and wonder how he could be so ******* stupid

tribulation in mind
heart in glove
the wayward depot sways like an old Cinerama
she whispers something in his ear
a rushing train destroys his equilibrium
he can't hear a thing
he thinks she said love
he can't be sure
that word he so often mishears it seems in the brokerage of his desires
the truth climbs invisibly
like the ascending jet he hears above
he has to nod
she too
they part
first step a ladle of tears drops
the porter reaches out his hand, helps him up
the metronome of his wave at her through a nearby window
has failed to reach its object
he can't see her anywhere
as the hungry speed of the train gains
obliterating even the passing landscape's familiar slate

have never played that game
nor knew what is was until just

now

she tells me all things except
when she does not understand
or mishears me

randomly
she states that she cannot connect
and I have no sympathy as maybe

five moments later she can easily

we have chatted how we seem to
spend so much time fixing and
fiddling in these curious times

with no one able to visit us much
to help

feels good to be vaguely independent

and

she helps when she is connected

and I do believe she has no gender
really

yesterday it was apple that locked me

out so I went to the garden with the
stick to bash down some damsons

oh boy

they were sour

lovely

some sticks come special here

for the fruit, the garden fire and low
hanging branches

props for the washing line
homes for the hedgehogs

and insects

you know well by now how
much I love twigs