3:22a.m.,
on my second pack of iggy's,
smoked by the minutes counting
you're not here by my side
to hold me and watch stars
fall out of place like
the places where our mind dwells
and my breath in what was fresh
for the kiss of your lips
and put a hold on to the smoke
in my head of you
our first night apart
things are something of some
painfuly hard to mend

3:25a.m.,
no, I AM pacing
my neck weary and weak
too much for this head of mine
to hold up all that clutters
streaming down my chest
like liquid fire from explosion
tensions play poker with my heart
and you're still not here
to help me live up to my feet
you go one way and I
I stay behind taking in the stabs

3:30am,
amzing how I'm whipping throught this
pieces I chicken write-...vandalise

my pen and I drop another line, yet on these fresh sheets
.. no, tonight we had no choice
since the choice was already made
no, It's not a break up
just one of those nights I let you
spend away from me and
I am just being so dam n selfish
just wanting you eaveryday
how do you see me now
taking a bat destroying what is
in my way thinking I care
.... ****!
like I do
go ahead act like it don't **** me
it's just anxioty,
attacks come around friendly
without handshakes that insults me
and my feet crash on glass
and yet, I feel nothing

... but you

3:35am,
mornings **** like manson
like the devil himself
it consums me in this home
where I make animals
look like nothing wild
and the neighbors can hear me
crazy they would claim me
and you're not here to hear me

3:37am.,
another smoke to pop in my mouth
and this house is smelling like
a drug house I had created tonight
when you come back home today
whatever time that may be
I'll be screaming and crying
like a crazy *** *****
in an un-womanly like tantrum
Like as if I hadn't hurt losing
another friend the other day
and on top of that you leave me
in times like these
this is the first you've done
so wrong to me
yet to me in my mind I may be
losing it completely
expressions say so much
on your face where I feel like
slapping you hard like I
want you to really hurt!

3:41a.m.,
even poetry stares me down this
early morning my, good one
a wife I will be, intentionaly insecure
I want this to go away
far away where I can cast myself
away with the extreme pain
that I'm causing myself
cause you ain't here
and that's all that's playing in my head
that's all that matters to me now
that you ain't in this fducking house
where I THINK you MAY belong

3:44am,
another smoke and many more to come
and this home is begining to close in on me
and this is just another
a.m. challenge for my depprssion
anti-deppressants don't do one ****
and I swim in my head where thoughts
**** me while you're gone.

gone feels like forever
up here is like the twilight zone
and you are the episode
where conflics travle fast.

God! I ******* love you!
this cage is now my dungeon
and now it's 3:39a.m

I'm pretending this is okay
...

(ghasping myself to sleep)
©MaddHatterQueen