So writing less
and less than before.
As is losing a cressindo
is the score
of the symphonies
rhapsody.  Musickally
non talented, has magic
left the air.  
Assuming we are
all homeless and
treated by the
dust, reason.
Just completely out
on the dolly I trucked
the word Laureate in on.
Parting furnature with
lasting thoughts of
desire, for a thesourus
or a dictionary for
holistism.  The unholy
dead have starved them
selves after dieting on my
quarrel similarly, I may
need to be an action star
to recieve the spirit of
entrepidness again.  
Laziness has met the design
of my libido, and I can not
ever imagine being single.
No face to book, unless of
course to reprove prophetering.
And No, seems to be the
one and only world,
I had to be in.  Hittin it like an
old cloud with silver linings.  
Like slang.  Not really having it.
and *******, sexism, troubled
teens, the things of this world
that bother the US Marshals.
Actually begging the President
let me have his job and Joe's car.
What person uses the word
chortle to get through a
chidleish man.  Anyways,
heres to thinking of writing
poetry and leaving the under
world to be a monster,...
Anyways!  
I so much prefer to not over
write a zeal such as a poets.
Super trusted, trusty,
like an understanding
about cowboys with guns
in hip holsters, working
cattle and brushing
there teeth twice daily.
Yea, there teeth,
some here on the bottom
and not many on the top.
But ya no, not many
people think about tooth
brushes.  Teeth brushes
thats like a scratch on
the chalk board with out
finger nails.  I'll be the
poety lauretey kind of person
that loves to die young
and get old.  Ill be the
most misunderstood
thing on the face of the
earth and have to eat
a ham sandwich or
something.  Ill be the kind
of person who just
doesnt get some relationships.
Like, peanut butter and pickle
cereal.  Or socks made with
holes in them.  ***, sir,...
what are you writing?
Ill say poems, they say you
are not a poet, and Ill say
try some pocket lint to
clone a poodle or something.
Most of the time,
Ill crack a huge smile
and simply pleasure some
one and they will say 'What."
With out a question mark.
Then for some reason
punctuation is a majorly
late subject to emoticons
and dragon lords in
movie scrips.  An now, meeting
the reason that I felt no muse was
that I have been laughing out
loud at intellegence as is the
genuis of carisma.  Who cares
if Im not smart?  Graduating
is such a bore.  Gum is not ever
a turn on, and some way watching
people chew it is rude.  Comparing
two doves to each other is Darwinism.
Living alone with my mother and
step father is not going to last long.
But serves as the most important
thing to do now.   Any of the promises
of reading dedicated poetry is
almost to much favor.  Is there a
way to stay the allostatic load
of a perfectly running deisel
engine.  Where do poems find
gas?  or fuel as sir does say.
And now, what to do with a
wonderful heart.  I am pleased to
say that I am almost the King, but
must impress the most boring
people on earth without the
giant panda bear of a
poet that has made me
love this song.

Rough hands and soft eyes.
A sweet southern drawl and a lopsided grin.
A towering stature and a humble heart.
Intellegence and a sense of humor.
City and country.
Cultured and real.
Faith filled and a musical edge.
Loving and determined.
Adventurous and catious.

Come on dream boy,
Knock on my door.
Mr. Right I am waiting on my front steps,
Looking down the lane.
I know you are on your way,
But I get so anxious for your arrival.
Hey imaginary love,
Come find me.
I will be the one with the uneasy smile
And cautious acceptance of your love.

I can only give credit to one,
Whose been there since my life really begun,
Who stayed even when he wanted to run,
All of my childhood memories have you in the scene,
You didn't know how to raise someone else's kids,
So sometimes I thought you were mean,
Your jokes and stories you would tell, & still the pride of a strong heart,
It was us who tried to keep it together when it was falling apart,
Everytime a new escape plan by my mom was tried,
I'd stand there & at your side,
Or when she wouldn't come back after the ******* stories and stupid lies,
No matter how we lived our lives,
Our family has a love that still stands strong,
Maybe it's because we had a dad manage to try & keep it together when everything went wrong,
I think you finally got over the guilt & shame,
For the absence of your other daughters that loved you the same,
And I know you still live with the burden of its pain,
I can only give credit to one,
The one who stayed even when he wanted to run,
I hoped that one day you'd love me the same,
Eventhough I'm the only daughter out of 7 that doesn't have your name,
What about the other kids that were born with you by their side,
Decisions have to be made & you had to decide,
You chose to stay & raise them anyways & put everything else aside,
You claimed them as your own, that in which you never denied,
You hold all of the memories & moments of their life & all that they've known,
But when they were born, you knew that they were not born As Your Own.
People often wonder why you are put on a pedastool so high,
You are an angel seen through the wisdom of God's eye,
Your intellegence is what most people see,
As a child all the times you'd pass it on to me,
You are much smarter than that of common seed,
Random encyclopedia projects & numerous books we'd read,
I can't complain because you are a better dad than I expected you to be,
And you are the only dad I'd ever really need,
As I'd climb up on your lap since I was 2, as you'd listen to me read,
I hope I was the daughter you expected me to be,
I can only give credit to one,
Sure things got tough & we wanted to run,
But you didn't & that's what makes you # 1,
Not everything was perfect & sometimes it got rough,
Why couldn't we just change it when enough was enough?,
We grew up & Life's still tough,
But will we know how to crawl out of a hole if we get stuck?,
Sorry if I've ever hurt you or made you mad,
But some memories still hurt real bad,
Not everything was easy, in fact with everyday struggles it got too hard,
The bad memories we usually set aside or often discard,
We try to cover them up like they don't exist,
We were smart enough to know everytime they came into our lives it was just to cross us off the list,
When things were in place & just as they should,
Even the hard times turned out pretty good,
Some stuggles even brought happiness at the end even if times were hard,
Those will be the moments that are left unscarred,
Mom tried hard to get our lives back to where it belongs,
I guess it wasn't meant to be that way for very long,
I may be the only daughter without your name,
But I love you more than I would if you were My Own,
Things have changed and I am grown,
I am older now,
To have you as my dad I could never be more proud,
I can only give credit to one,
Who stayed even when he wanted to run,
Is this the life for us that was planned?
Sure time goes bye, but you are a better man,
I may be the only daughter without your name,
But our blood still bleeds the same,
My recent distance from this family made me miss you so much more,
But if I didnt then I would be reluctant & life be lived without lore,                                    
I feel like I can't move from this spot, for so long i have been gone,
I left to find my place in this world, but is this where I belong?,
I will always be your daughter, so let that be known,
I was gone for a little while but now I'm home,
My heart is heavy with this undying fear,
That one day I'll wake up & you'll no longer be here,
I can only give credit to one,
Who decided to stay even when he wanted to run,
If objects in mirror are closer than they appear,...
Then tomorrow is already here,
So lets clean the mirror so we can see real clear,
When someone doesn't want something they throw it away, or leave it behind,
My real father never changed his mind,
He never looked back, so he left long ago....so that a better dad i would find,
And to your surprise,
Yet another daughter at your side,
To tug on your pants & ask you questions all the time,
Who believed in everything you've accomplished & even the things you've tried,
You were put in my life as my dad for a reason,
Without you I wouldn't have anything to believe in,
I'm sorry if I've made you cry,
By these poetic words that I write,
I stand here as your daughter & I stand here all alone,
I may not be the daughter who shares the blood of your own,
But my plan is to stand here until the fray of fabric once kept together
   by the stitching once perfectly sewn,
Do you love me as your daughter?
Do you love me As Your Own?               
 
                                                              7/15/2015
For the only one I call DAD
Darrell Lee Tumlin

reluctant: unwilling, hesitant, resistant
lore: knowledge, knowing

For all your intellegence
You are ignorant
Speaking from a position that
Finds its footing in false Gods
And the reversion of faith
How you gladly slaughter religions
Whom don't speak towards your grand morality
Because like a child you hate
What bred you
Murdering God with your righteous fury

Scorned injustly by a few
Who claim to uphold something beyond themsleves
Speaking like a sage the words of a wisdom you do not understand
Or could possibly embody
Your hate, fury and dogmatic refusal to see anything
Good that doesn't fit your dated
Greek mentality
Of which you in your ignorance
Have no leg to stand upon

Do not with your pious
Bigotted bile rail against something in which you do not know
Do not claim knowledge
When you a child
No not what you speak
A fool
You become
A
****** fool

More ignorant by your expression of opinon
Because you know not what all goes into
The reasoning
The why
The how come

You become what you so decidedly hate
That overly righteous
This is the way of the world
I AM GOD
Mentality consumes you
Becomes you
The mask of radical minded beauty
Comes off
What a sick creature you are
To see the Good
And know its name
But not what it is

Your ignorance blinds you
But your pride makes you a fool.

I thought my problem was focus
I'm overwhelmed
Overworked
Emotionally tired
Mentally drained
I've done nothing but school
For 16 years
My problem is focus
I can't sit still
I can't time manage
My brain isn't working at
"my level of intellegence"
My problem is focus
The doctor says my problem is anxiety
My brain zones out to cope
My brain shuts down to cope
I take naps for hours to cope
Its not ADHD, its anxiety
I can't sit still because I'm anxious
I can't stay focused because I'm anxious
I'm brunt out and anxious
That's my problem

Used to be the only pain i felt was that of being alone
Seems now the pain Im feeling is different.
Now its like a ripping tearing away of oxygen from my lungs.
and as i get older... it gets worse.... As we get closer it more so hurts.
For every time you raise your fist its not only making connection to my heart
but its destroying everything we have created and so the pain is more immense.
I wish it wasn't so, i wouldnt want it to be.... But the only answer there is none.
You can't love me perfectly, you can't treat me with respect all the time. You have to fail.
You have to rip my heart out of my chest and spit into my wound.
why?
because thats what lovers do.

Thats just the way things are. I open my arms and you tear them apart.
How dare i speak, how dare i look. Questioning your intellegence playing the devils advocate.
I am a monster aren't i. Treat me with the coldest of shoulders. Set me on fire and watch my insides smoulder. You wish i would burn dont you.
You want me out of your head out of your house.
Out of your heart, not to be your spouse.
You get sickened by me, I turn your smiles into biles.
Everything was fine before....
Its just the pain is now more..
and im stuck in limbo, between two seperate worlds.
Mine and yours...

what is
your type?

they look at me
with the same smiles
conspicuously
pink
and
spent

i describe
the shoulders
of the vendor
wide
and strong
(i saw him
walking
when i drove past)

i describe the eyes
of the Stranger
(i like him
that way)
dark brown
and clear
a little bit tired
when
he said
thank you

i describe the smile
of the boy
i think i still love
sometimes
and the cocky ignorance
of the boy
with eyes
like ice

i describe the colour of skin
the way you see
any colour
in the night
(the colours
you don't need to see)

i describe the humour
of the three
who always made me laugh
and the confidence
of the one
who wasn't afraid
to just kiss me

i describe the intellegence
of the one
who can't stop reading
(he sits in the park
a thousand years old
and falling apart)

they laugh
and i smile
and i let them think
that i mean one

I am.a person
With DNA
In a world
Of Technology
Here to find you in every way

Track you.down
Number your soul
know where you are
You call that Smart..

In a land of artificial intellegence
Always taking the easy ways out..
To Tell You  Who you are to them
An catorgize you in a place in this world


Rules:
Don't be racist
Exept gays
Dont be critical
You don't get a say

Meanwhile in this system put up
In a day money wont rule everything,

Gold and silver, bronze, Iron an clay
it will be swept up by the wind in a day,

A Divided kindom
partly strong
partly brittle

Money was our currency
"Now we the people," are Just a mixture

We will not remain united
Forming alligences as this is..

All the paín and All the blood shed
All the sacrifice and All the Decite


Their will be a kindom
Of prosparity an crush
those of Other kings