Goats and skinheads try to boast
they say they do it more than most!
Musk ox have a mighty try
Bang! A crash to split the sky.
Alpine sheep, buffalos too
all decry "the rest are poo!"
But they see stars around their nut
when they receive a Dragon ****.
No run up or deep breath required
**** all day long , they're never tired.
Oh how the jealous ones desire
a headbutt fuelled with dragon fire!

It came as a suckerpuch,
nearly knocked me off my feet,
now my world is falling apart,

I'm barely strong enough to eat.

People have crushed my dreams one by one,
I cherished the love we once had,
But now it's gone.

Bill always had a problem
He was just a little off
When most kids caught a cold at school
Bill, he caught a cough

He always talked out loud without
raising up his hand
He was disruptive in the library
And so, poor Bill was banned

He sang the national anthem
to the tune of "The Old Gray Mare"
and he always challenged people
by making each request "a dare"

Bill was not quite normal
He was an enigma to us all
when the kids would all play baseball
Bill would go headbutt the ball

But, Bill he was quite special
Even though he's an odd duck
Bill was full of knowledge
When the topic turned to trucks

The kids all wrote an essay
About their favorite state
But, Bill confused the teacher
By writing, "F150s...they are great"

Right now, I want to
headbutt you in the wiener,
smile, and walk away.

It was in my mother’s father’s final days when Beckham curled it in against Greece
It should have been wrapped up months or at least minutes prior
But for the English
Football is a beautiful form of torture
Some relief in the dark and painful last of his days
It may sound dramatic from the outside
But from the inside
When you’re in on the secret
Football has always been the beautiful game for a reason
And fate was sealed that day

The infamous Zidane headbutt
It came at a time when I was realising people aren’t perfect and heroes are human
For me, not a disgrace, but a lesson
The world’s greatest are also flawed

Lampard 2010 World Cup
It was over the line
I know it
You know it
But the greatest journeys all have their ups and downs
Their misfortunes and their injustices
Our time is nigh
It’s coming home

The psychopathic work ethic of Ronaldo
The glue on the boots of Messi
The precision of the Pirlo pass
The ‘Why always me?’
The ‘You’ll never walk alone’
The wins, the losses
The joy, the heartbreak
The frustration of supporting a yo-yo that never goes all the way up
An ode to my forever unmentioned Plymouth Argyle
The screamers, the blunders
From Thierry to Titus Bramble
Alonso to Okocha
The once-club-record-signing whose name now evades you
The heroes, the villains
The naive dream that maybe one day you’ll make it
And the hope that maybe this will be our year
The diving, the referees, the relegations, the failure
The 4-0 thrashings by the rivals, the penalties and quarter finals

I don’t know why I do it to myself
But I know that I wouldn’t have it any other way
This is the beautiful game
This is football

Punch
Kick
Body shot
Headbutt
Elbow
Knee
Slap
Pinch
Hair pull
Fly kick
Drop kick
****** nose
Awkward silence
Depart.

"It's not me!" she broke in, hands still shaking,
heart still trying to headbutt through her rib-cage.
"SHUT UP! I don't know you!", she screamed at the wall of her bedroom,
panting.
Making memories right then and there.
Born like stars in the darkness.
Dreams that let loose into the silence of the real world like breaking through glass.
Dreams to make the grown men weep in panic.
Dreams to drink an extra cup of coffee for,
on your way to work.

Headbutt a field of daffodils.
Uppercut a pair of shears.
Fall asleep on railroad tracks.
Throw a wrench into your gears.

Kick a chainsaw in the teeth.
Do a backflip into quicksand.
Take a bath in sleet.
Eat your own hand.

Sleep in a bed of cement.
Bash your head on concrete.
Throw yourself into a volcano.
Cook your own meat.

Swim in a tsunami.
Surf a typhoon.
Drown yourself in madness,
but please just do it soon.

"Well hey there! How was your New Year's?"
Well, I sang a song and made a toast
To the fire in our hearts
I apologized to the host
For drinking and driving the last time I'd left
When I'm drunk I like to think that I know better than the best

I lit off fireworks with a pretty girl
We listened to James Brown while gunpowder spiders lit up the world
We took alot of shots
And sat by the fire
We talked of this, that, and the other

Later on I found my friend with his head in his hands
Crouched up against his car; crying over the dead
Lamenting that they couldn't be here for this event
And I cried a little too, because that kind of thing messes with my head

My childhood friend was also there
He had driven in from out-of-town
He was tripping on acid, and had me pinned to the ground
In an insane attempt to give me some sort of comfort
I finally got him off me with an effective headbutt

Then I ran down the street
While yelling, "I HATE EVERYTHING!"
Then slowed down to a walk after I'd gotten far enough
Smoked a cigarette and contemplated the true nature of love

So when you ask me that seemingly innocuous question
"Hey, how was your New Years? Did anything happen?"
All I can say is,
"Well, ha! It was definitely something!"

If this is what it takes to still be yours, then
no
more
kisses.
I'll headbutt you in public.

Brace yourself.

Let's see who's got
the
lightest fingers
who can get them in
the tightest places?

Faces?
I've had enough of them,
unqualified kids who
like to think they are men
and men
who are still in puberty
aged forty three!

who sold it though
to the highest bidder?

I've got rid of a life waiting for this,
the 'Glasgow kiss'
the 'Johnny Kwango' headbutt
the one fall, submit or die,
Billy Two Rivers
sending shivers like ripples
that made my ******* *****

Oops, suspect what you want, but
live a lie with one hand tied
behind your back
and you become
a one armed man.

too obvious?
try this,
or
**** orf
if ya don't like it.

Row mania.

someone stole the light at
the end of the tunnel and
pickled it with red cabbage,
the salad option,

I have no opinion
you don't pay me for those
you can't afford me anyway.


we will wait and see
unless time plays
the joker.

I'm in the red corner
( politically stressed)
clinically depressed
messed up
cussed out
and all this for enough
snout to take a break
and have a smoke
but
it's all ******* and
we all know it

the problem is,
when they tell you
it ain't **** you're shovelling
and you believe it.

Yeah, word is bond
DAS EFX in this, you know what I'm sayin'?
Straight from the sewer, word is bond
Yeah, yeah, ah, yeah
We doin' this with my *****
Where my ***** gang, Ice Cube in the *******?
Word is bond, yeah
You better check yourself before you wreck yourself
'Cause I'm bad for your health
I come real stealth, dropping bombs on your moms
**** car alarms, doing foul crime, I'm that ***** with your Alpine
Sold it for a six-o, always let tricks know
And friends know, we got the indo'
No, I'm not a sucker sitting in a House of Pain
And no, I'm not the butler, I'll cut you (huh, huh)
Headbutt you, you say you can't touch this
And I wouldn't touch you, in fact, mother-punk you (uh)
Here to let you know boy, oh boy
I make dough, but don't call me Doughboy
This ain't no ******' motion picture
A guy or *****-a, I'll get with you, and hit you
Taking that yak to the neck, so you better run a check
So come on and chickity-check yourself, before you wreck yourself (uh)
Chickity-check yourself, before you wreck yourself, boy! (Yeah)
Come on and check yourself, before you wreck yourself
'Cause shotgun bullets are bad for your health
Mic-mic-microphone check (one, two! Check it!)
Mic-mic-microphone check (one, two! Check it!)
Tricks wanna step to Cube and then they get played
'Cause they *****-made, pullin' out a switchblade
That's kinda trifle 'cause that's a knife, ***
AK-47, Assault Rifle
Hold the fifty, I'm nifty, pow!
I got a new style (watch out now!) (Ha-ha)
I hate ******* claimin' that they foldin' bank
But steady talkin' **** in the holdin' tank
First, you wanna step to me?
Now your *** screamin' for the deputy
They send you to Charlie-Baker-Denver row
Now they runnin' up in you slow
You're gone, used to be the Don Juan (check that **** out!)
Now your name is just Twan
Switchin', snappin', rollin' your eyes and neck
You better run a check
So chickity-check yourself, before you wreck yourself
Come on and check yourself, before you wrickity-wreck yourself
So chickity-check yourself, before you wreck yourself
'Cause big ***** up your *** is bad for you health
Mic-mic-microphone check (one, two! Check it!)
Mic-mic-microphone check (one, two! Check it!)
If you're foul, you better run a make on that license plate
You could have had a V8 (somethin'), instead of a tre-eight slug to the cranium (pow!)
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em
Will I shoot or keep you guessin'?
'Cause ******* and that **** you're stressin'
*****, get off the wood, you're no good
There goes the neighborhood ****** (****!)
Go ahead and keep your drawers
Givin' up the claps and who needs applause
At a time like this, pop the ******* and you dead
The ***** is a Miami Hurricane head
Sprung, ****** call her, "Lips and Lungs"
***** dugout, get the **** out!
'Cause women like you gets no respect
*****, you better run a check
So chickity-check yourself, before you wreck yourself
So chickity-check yourself, before you wreck yourself (yeah)
Come on and check yourself, before you wrickity-wreck yourself
'Cause ******* like you is bad for my health
Mic-mic-microphone check (yeah) (one, two! Check it!), come again, check it (yeah)
Mic-mic-microphone check (yeah) (one, two! Check it!), come again, check it (yo)
Chickity-check yourself, before you wreck yourself
You better chickity-check yourself, before you wreck yourself, boy
I said check yourself, before you wrickity-wreck yourself (check, check)
Mic-microphone check
Mic-microphone check (check it, one, two!)
Mic-microphone check (one, two!)
Mic-microphone check (check it, one, two, one, two!)
Mic-microphone check (one, two!)
Mic-microphone check (check it, one, two!, one, two!)
Mic-microphone check (one, two)
Mic-microphone (yeah) (check yourself Cube, check yourself Cube, check yourself)