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Keith J Collard Dec 2012
I still have flashbacks, horrifying and spectral: of conference meetings, projectors and efficiency meetings...corporate metrics, acronymic value cards that read like a Masonic Temple's pledge.. ...honesty, commitment, sacrifice, the dutiful worship of mercury and saltpeter; also customer satisfaction.
           Those flashbacks frequent my mind alot--especially when I am ramming my co-workers into the trash compactor with the blades of the fork truck. They say " ooooh" and " ahhhhh" as if they are getting a massage. They dull my blades with their dull heads.
          I have to ram them with the blades of the fork-trucks, or they will scramble out. They still say things like, " make sure that has a tag,".....and " wear your safety goggles," making chills run down my spine. I haven't put all the workers from the " Do-Wee depot" in the compactor only corporate cadavers and not zombies.
          But I have to forewarn, the zombies are not a threat, it is a few cadavers and the "consumers" that pose a threat to me and what I have built. The zombies are producers, even only if it is moans and putrefaction, but they are good sports, and my only friends.
         Some co-workers, who I was friends with before, I have spared from the compactor--owing mostly to that the part of their brain that was corporate, either fell out on the floor, or was gnawed on by a fellow zombie rendering them good sports and not cadavers.
        I use the building material section to chain them to their previous aisles. Jose, was my best friend, he was shaped like a slug, with a huge lower lip, and slicked back greasy hair, he always cheered me up, how busy it was and how slow he remained. Him and I worked together in the ' outside-lawn-and-garden' section. Even his zombie self has kept his lisp.
          I chain him to the outside lawn and garden section, where he likes to water the flowers. He lunges at me sometimes, but the chain is thick, and Jose is still a cool zombie.
Angry Joe is out there too. He is chained to the 'reach' truck. He is always mumbling about overtime.....or " Im not staying late."
         I have disabled the riding engine, so he just stands on it and runs the fork blades all the way up then all the way down, beeping the horn the whole while. He is the only one I kept, that has some vestige of corporacy in his brain, for the reason that he watches the back gate. The consumers are constantly probing this outside metal fence gate, and Joe has eaten all of them. Don't get me wrong, Joe can be a good sport, when he is not drooling about 'overtime' or ' I havn't took a lunch yet.' He can be quite funny.
          He banters with Ryan from inside 'lawn-and-garden' all the time. Ryan is alot younger, alittle younger than me. He has a mullet(what I call a mullet and he say's a hockey cut) and verily is--before he become a zombie-- the laziest person ever, and now that he is a zombie, well let's just say, I don't have to chain him anywhere, I know where to find him.....at the back gate smoking a ciqerette backwards with his mullet on fire or in the break room. He had the most squeeky voice when he was a human, but now odd fully enough, he sounds like Tom Jones.
         " You ate my cosumer Ryan," drools Angry Joe, " No I didn't Joe, you ate your own consumer," Ryan rejoins in his acapella voice ( I like hearing Ryan's deep zombie voice).
There are others, in the various departments of the Do-Wee Store, but this journal is to relate the first most pressing concern, two cadavers have escaped the compactor.
             The store manager Joyce and her minion(the assistant manager Damien) have escaped. They were ******* humans, and remained so in corporate cadaver form. They hide from me, as I plow through the aisles with the inside forklift. I have used wire from the fencing aisle to reinforce my forklifts. Sometimes a cadaver co-worker will jump out with a price gun, drooling " where is your spootterrrr...."( a safety regulation in the store).....I run them over with great gladness, but then wishing I heeded their advice of safety glasses."Splat."
            I have my theories, on how everyone turned to zombies. It started with over-ocurring routine, which my a.d.d could have been impervious to. But I couldn't have been the only one in the store with a.d.d? But that seems the case. The first day when I showed up to ' outside-lawn-and-garden' it took me six hours before I noticed everyone was zombies. I didn't notice they were zombies until I noticed them in good spirits.
               But the first day of the zombies, was concurrent with the rise of the consumers--ever more dangerous, greedy, and audacious are the consumers. They consume everything in their path, they consume good conversation, good manners, and replace with their mark, which is this....your life with the current moment is to be sacrificed to get them what they need to continue resuming their lives. They do not enjoy shopping, but enjoy holding you in place, consuming you and your values into their value, which has no value at all, since their mind has consigned the present moment that has you and not them, to a number that always has too much value, and they will bring you and it down while you are subject to time and they are not.  
             They turned my friends into prisoners of arbitrary time; and like putting a rabbit in a dank dark basement, with plenty of food and treats and space, it will slowly get diarrhea and die.  Everyday I marked the sunrise, and I would always pay thanks to it, no matter if I was on break or not.  The nine hour day could not ruin me, but my friends being ruined, that started to ruin me.
                       And that is what I believed started all this, nature has no room for two kingdoms of Consumers. So the producers(zombies) were created from the routine of being divested of life, and from nothing they came to produce: producing gases, vile ****** smiles, human  cannibalism, hearty conversation, practical jokes, moaning questions to the infinite sky.... they were created human again, given value, and most of all, I have my friends back, and they are happy again. But, the corporate cadavers that escaped the compactor , put my creation in risk, they look to let in the consumers again, they are up to something...
             But presently with the corporate cadavers gone, and the consumers held at bay, I have my Depot of Eden, I can grow anything, make anything, and soon will be able to ferment everything, especially fuel.   Now monday morning conferences that threaten you to pick it up because there are alot of people out there that want your job( iterated by the frizzy headed gangly Joyce) are replaced with 'zombie dance parties'.  
            " Zombies, what is the first rule of zombie dance party," they reply to me, " dohmp talk bout damp party," then we make a music video.  I let loose a couple of cat's in the break room, and presto, an agile cat make's flesh eating zombies look like Micheal Jackson.  Even I get busy with them, I feel so comfortable with them; dancing to Juvenile "back that *** up,".the best dancer gets to eat the cat...sure beat's listening Joyce's depressing morning pep talks about quotas while I am watching a bird outside the front glass trying to eat a dragonfly, " Keith you paying attention."  I just want to say, " No I am not you frizzy headed gangly walking skeleton key(she is skinnier than the gang of keys jingling on her belt)."    I will find her and put a roofing nail in her temple and her plans.
                The sound of zombies walking in here is music to my ears, like gypsys walking barefoot on a strawberry patch.  I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I like it, and don't care who knows.

            I fortified the outside of the store with everything within the store. I grew a garden, with all the fertilizers, and acids and alkilines of outside garden. I also use the garden chemicals to sprinkle on the brains of my co-worker zombies to change their acidity(almost like a hyrdrangea shrub). The purpose to get them somewhat coherent to play poker and darts in the breakroom. I figured out how to make explosives, with the nitrogen fertilizer and pool cleaning acid, well actually HeyZues did, he always eats both, and one day he moaned really loud  " BLOOOONDEEE " ( his nickname for me from The Good The Bad And The Ugly) and  gestured his expanding stomach, he blew up and gave me my first wound, he destroyed my dart board.   I took his head and posted it on the back loading dock, I know there are consumers trying to infiltrate when he sounds off with " BLOOONDEEEE..."  resounding through the whole store (almost like when he was a human).   I created another dartboard, I can create anything here, sometimes I think, that feeling is what........
                But the point of this journal is the two who escaped the trash compactor, Joyce and Damien. They haunted me before and haunt me still. When I leave to venture outside for gasoline for the generators(the only thing I need, not for long hopefully) they run amok. I will see new ' sale signs' in zombie penmanship, and I can see that they have hidden co-workers to have cadaver meetings, where they talk about ' customer satisfaction.'  I can sometimes hear keys jangle, it has to be Joyce, for the sound is to the cadence of her John Wayne walk, like she has been on horseback her whole life.
            Outside is very dangerous. There are many consumers out there.
                 I was outisde in the parking lot, where consumers still wallow around when a consumer asked "which product is better." I had to drop a cinder block pallet on him with the forklift; they are more adacious then my zombie co-workers. Even after a pallet of concrete is forklifted on them, they wave fliers with sale advertisments from underneath.
            Well, this particular trip, I returned inside and was startled by the loudspeaker, it was Damien's voice, the same as before, paging the hardware department. I jumped on the fast slim forklift to hunt for him. There are phone terminals everywhere, and he could be in the upper level offices. I saw Joyce's shape through the window once.
          They are up to something.
Everytime I ventured outside, the store became altered. I even saw a consumer waiting in line with the cashier machine now on. I sent the consumer to Angry Joe, who was due for a lunch break.
          There is a gap in my wire somewhere, I know it.
            I was at the gas station, getting propane and gas, when a consumer was scowling " where is the gas attendant, is everyone stupid or what?" while he was trying to figure out how to pump gas. I disabled the safety pumps, they do not shut off, and do not coincide with numbers, you hold the handle it pumps out as much as you need.
              He was pacing around like a little kid denied recess and suffering from sounds of frolic and kickball--dragging his feet due to the fact he had to pump his own gas, I heard a scraping metallic clicking noise. My eyes were caught by a bright glare on his shoe tread, I gripped my nail gun..... then he dropped the hose and walked back to his car with gasoline gushing as his wake. I saw what it was on his tread, I had no time to flee....it was a push button grill ignitor with the orange tint of a " Do-Wee" label on it......" ****."
              The last thing I registered was the consumer saying " ahhh don't touch me," apparently talking to flames. I woke up in a ditch, the big fork truck and my gas station destroyed.
I limped back to the " Do-Wee" store, and utter horror greeted my singed and surprised eyebrows.
              " Grand Re-Opening, 50% off everything." I squeezed the trigger of the nail gun, the nail harmlessly echoed off the parking pavement at which it was aimed. "They set me up at the gas station. "
               They had to do better than that to separate me from my zombies.

             I entered through the store in a nun-plussed state. I woke out of my unbelieving stupor with the sound of Jose's voice. " Welcome to Doooooo-Weeee....can I eat your...."
            "Jose it's me, who chained you to the entrance?"
         " Dammian, Keeeeeth, they are waiiiting....here's a newsletter...." --he smacked me across the face with the newsletter.
        " I don't want that ****.....' as I clutched the newspaper the loudspeaker went off in Dammians annoyingly over-polite and late-night-voice.
       " Attention shoooppers. all prices are feeeefty percent off, ask our associate Keeeeeth for a 80% discount, he is the skinny deleeecious looking kid with spicy skin, and a boston red sox hat on."
Hundreds of consumers pivoted their heads to my direction. " Hey, that kid has a Boston Yankees hat on."
         " Run Keeeth," zombie-lisped Jose.
           Fifty million imbecilic questions assailed me at once......" can I return this sprinkler for a jacuzzi.....can I get 120% off.....can you come to my house and fix my television for free"-- it was unabashed audacity, survial of the most annoying and repetitious; and the corporate cadavers have let this consuming flood in on me and my poor zombies.
           I needed to find my steed, my inside forklift. It was not where I left it near the entrance.            
        Surely they have sabotaged it. " the riding mowers," the thought uplifted my fading resolve. I darted past wallowing consumers before they could get my scent. I heard a consumer, " you obviously don't know what Im talking about," talking to zombie George, who was munching roofing nails.
         The consumer grabbed me, and said "here he is, this is Keith, he is wearing a Phoenix red sox cap"--panic bit into my brain, this consumers grip was implaccable. The grip that holds the steering wheel tightly driving nowhere fast, with anything in that interstice of commuting, not worthy of manners and the least of which being a friendly wave to 'go ahead.'
           They formed a wall of uttering stupidity, escape was cut off. They scratched at me, hissed, tore at my flesh and screamed demonistically in my ears. I caved and and called the hoard m'am and sir, they choked me, and loosened their grip only so I could tell them " Im sorry, sorry for your inconvenience, take my life and personality as tribute, take my imagination rendered prostrate by these sceptic corporate words that this mouth emits, betraying my personal form, the human element to this lifeless purposeless machine....destroy me, for finding the infinity between letters of corporate law and none between nature's laws......"
        I was almost unconscious, giving a speech to imagined hooded phantoms......" destroy me, for valuing friendship and imagination, and seeing infinity, in the shadow of a letter, eternity in the numeral of a number, and for defying the order to see things as others do....."...." destroy me, for seeing that people are unhappy and trying to uplift people for the sake of seeing them smile....destroy me, destroy my smirk, and add a lifeless smile to my corpse."
              I heard a horn, the riding floor mopper/buffer, it was Ryan, he commandeered the machine with precision-like drunkenness. He knocked down the consumers like twenty pin bowling. " What's up ***** cat," he possibly said, and I climbed to my feet.
         I walked to the riding mowers, and turned the key on the floor model. I sped the main aisle, with caresses of consumers that would be deep clawings at a slower speed. I dodged stupid question, and swerved from unabashed frugality. I turned up the tool aisle, grabbed a battery nail gun.
              " It says batteries are included, but are they included?" I answered with a 12 gauge nail, and resumed my course to the upper offices, that for too long looked down on me and my friends. I climbed the stairs and entered. The office was abuzz in corporate banalities. " Hello, this is Damian how may I help you.....oh helloooooo keeeeeth, one minute.......sir hold one second thaaaanx."
                I aimed the nail gun muzzle at his ugly overly polite mug." I finally found you, I will get the store back in shape Damian...."
          He cut me off, " no yoou woonn't, they are pouring in, we will meet our quota for the year...."
        " Me and my friends
WARNER BAXTER Dec 2013
IMMEDIATELY PLEASE REMOVE ALL OF MY INFORMATION FROM YOUR DATA BASE FORTHWITH.  ALSO,
ADVISE ANY AND ALL CONTRACTORS, SUB-CONTRACTORS, AGENTS, SUB-AGENTS, AFFILIATES, PARTNERS, COLLEAGUES, ASSOCIATES, CLIENTS, WEBMASTERS, WEB BASED LINKS, WINKS, TWINKS, COLONEL CLINCKS, BOSSES, CO-WORKERS, EMPLOYEES, VENDORS, SUPPLIERS, SALESMEN, ASCCOUNT REPS/EXCS, ACCOUNTANTS, BROKERS, CO-BROKERS, HACKERS, SLACKERS, WHACKERS, JERKS, PIMPS, HOES, HOBOS, BUMS, DERELICTS, DEGENERATES, DOPERS, DEALERS, TWEEKERS, GAMBLERS, RAMBLERS, SOLICITORS, SIDEKICKS, COHORTS, WINGMEN, WHEELMEN, LOOKOUTS, OUTLAWS, IN-LAWS, RELATIVES, FIANCES, GIRLFRIENDS, BOYFRIENDS, FAMILY, FRIENDS, ENEMIES, EVIL NEMISIS', CANVASSERS, INQUIRERS, QUEERS, QUEENS, COWBOYS, KINGS, ****, DRAGS, HAGS, HETEROS, HOMOS, TONY ROMOS, FEMALE IMPERSONATORS, (PRE OR POST) MALE IMPERSONATORS, *****, *****, VAN *****, **** VAN ****, LESBIANS, LIARS, BUYERS, CRYERS, CIGAR SMOKERS, CARPET MUNCHERS, RUG RATS, TODDLERS, TEENAGERS, YOUNGSTERS, SENIORS, SUCKERS, TRUCKERS, MOTHER shut yer mouth, LAW MAKERS, LAWYERS, ATTORNEYS, JUDGES, POLITICIANS, PECKERWOODS, LEADERS, FOLLOWERS, DISCIPLES, PROPHETS, EVANGELISTS, SAVIORS, SINNERS, SAINTS, SOOTHSAYERS, MEDICINE MEN, GYPSYS, TRAMPS, AND THIEVES, WITCHES, WARLOCKS, VAMPIRES, LYCANS, ZOMBIES, WAR MONGERS, PROTESTERS, SOLIDERS, GENERALS, GOVERNORS, PRESIDENTS, PATRIOTS, PACKERS, LIONS, BEARS, BROWNS, BLACKHAWKS, REDWINGS, RIGHT WING, LIBERALS, OR LAW BIDING CITIZENS, THEY ARE NOT TO CONTACT ME AND LOOSE MY NUMBER.
BUT IF YOU SEE MY MOM, TELL HER TO CALL ME.

............................................................­............BA-ZING..............................................­......................
oui Jun 2016
i want to have mugs. mugs from places i've been and i can make coffee in the morning and go back to my room; where my name is on the lease and  can call it my home. i want plants i want books i want things that aren't essential to living but make me happy- three more days until I retire from being a gypsy and can find comfort again and I couldn't be happier to call Brooklyn home.
Sam WG May 2014
I can hear the Band of Gypsys  
When I find her sitar eyes
But I can guess what she sees
With her moist mouth jarring wide
******* clouds from the sky

Hoodoo Voodoo Medicine Girl
In a thunderstorm of dirt stained pearls
Tranquillity is everything
As we all float down to hear her sing
And she knows full well
That she can pollinate anything
Simply without the need to sting

The half mast will be put in place  
As your heart's pump gathers in pace

If you're anticipating to catch her near
Don't act surprised if you're left to persevere
When you finally catch a glimpse
Things won't quite be as they appear  
She'll be floating in the stratosphere
Soaring high with no fear
Cos if you did not know
The Hoodoo Voodoo Medicine Girl
Burns on the fuel of your fresh tears.
Raw words May 2014
You left all those hairs everywhere 
From that manly chest 
My grizzly test 
I sleep well next to you 
Falling asleep with nothing to lose 
With you by my side I feel alive 
With you gone, 
It's something we shouldn't discuss on 
For I have learned more than to be calm 
To cherish the moments we spend 
Because you may never be back again 
God please bless my soul with the vitamins so I can see 
It's black around 
Hard for me to smile or make a sound 
I want the one who doesn't want me 
It's how it goes 
My relationships dwelling on hoes
Men who sleep and hold a woman's heart 
And takes it with her from the start 
Your Israeli but not a gypsy 
Please come back and give me what you felt like 
Love
Serenity 
Calm love 
Real easy love 
My oppression of what I gave to you 
My heart pieces of my soul 
From poetry I read while you held my ******* 
From talks of a man who made me who does not exist anymore 
I felt something more
With you 
I cried over you 
I don't do that 
I wanted you 
I still want you 
But if you come back, you'll do this again 
Never communicate like a solid man 
Like my wonderful dream husband I thought you might be
In love with ideals of who I'm wishing someone who be, because without him here we'll never know
mark john junor Dec 2013
the lights shut off
one by one
till the world is only moonlight and shadows
and the crowds of humanity withdraw
taking with them tucked in pocket
the echoes of yesterdays
and the quiet promises of today

into this field littered by the passing night
the gypsy's of the street
comb through for the treasured trinkets
and cast coin
passing me without a waiting word
as i sit in the grass by the skeleton of the stage
watching a distant torch flicker in the trees
as the priestess of death makes her bed
among the graves

down by the river
down where she lay me down to ease the fever
where she sat all night
while the grand empire played out its death throes
so near at hand the light of the pillage was bright
and cannon shot rolled like
thunder till  the ugly face of first light
introduced itself like a cruel feildboss
to these pickers of the fruits of wars labours

she had stayed with me till danger had passed
till fevers delirium had parted
from me wearing his skeletal remains and scythe
leaving me shivering in her comforting arms
but as my mind cleared
as the chill fog of war slipped away
i realized i had been
alone all night with naught but the dark
and the burnt skeleton
of my yesterdays
in a cold northern wood
Louis Fraser Apr 2012
Bored , hearing bout the state of the country
Whords struggles & rich #*#$ thievery
I debate all this negativity   be   a tool
To keep me melancholy not living to my ability
Nobility still be on the wickedry
Hierachy plunder
Just wanna
Drift with snow gypsys out on the Tundra
Stifle the hunger   for all things wild
Hear the thunder roll
Sounds of the souls of the war child
No road    No tiles
One code   No files
Survival mode no abode for miles
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
I feel so alone
Forget this life
Someone is playing my life
It's just a huge joke
A game to them
I'm about to be done with people
They bring mostly pain
Forget the knowledge
In my fathers eyes I'm a know it all
I guess I'm worthless
It's all so much *******
I'm ******* tired
Growing up I was quiet
I was so..........
I don't even know anymore
My grandma tells me a lot
She says when I was a baby
I didn't cry, not for anything
Infact, I was loved by a lot of people
The gypsys, and a biker gang called Hell's Angels are a couple.........
My mom told me the leader of Hell's Angels even bought me my first car seat, and that he REALLY liked my mom.........I'd like to meet them one day...... To say thank you for everything...... They may remember..... :)
When I was first born, I had a crescent moon on my forehead....it went away a few hrs after birth
The gypsys used to tell my mom about me
Infact it was a gypsy that told my mom I would be born twice blessed and be a girl
My mom thought I was a boy, because I had my legs crossed and I covered my self, so no one could tell from a sonogram......I laugh to here that.....
But even after my life, it's hard to move on sometimes........
I sometimes think about why I'm here
I'm not always wanted
Hell, more people wish me dead than love me or even want me around
People tell me how ******* stupid and ******* I am........ I'm running out of the fake chearfulness to say thank you and smile at them
I swear, I don't belong much of anywhere........so I still wonder why I'm here, going through the ******* that I endure, and have endured for the past several years......I wonder *** I did wrong........ I just don't know.......
I'm just to tired to care anymore.........
Awesome Annie Nov 2016
I sit upon a throne of thorns, wearing a starry crown that isn't mine. Yet I am not unearthly, feminin or divine.

Time likes to trick us, age unfolds turning memory askew. Gold rings that held no meaning, just the absence of you.

I made a declaration to my people, banned this thing they call love. I pulled Cupid from the sky, so he could no longer betray us from above.

I've ruled a kingdom with no king, I've destroyed in ruins end. I cast a match with neglect, causing damage to vast to mend.

Whispered warnings no one would hear, Gypsys predicted this fate that's  cursed. Take the warnings that they heed, and listen to The Empress Reversed.
Zachary Helland Jan 2015
Before the sun brightens our half of the earth
Birds chirp at the break of dawn
You and I, my love
Turn dream to action and embark
Fill our knapsacks with blankets and sweets.  

We’ll slip away unnoticed
Without maps or shoes
Fools desperate to explore the unknown.
We’ll gyre the states as gypsys
Ride rails to the sweet scene of a passing countryside

Our destinations many
Kyoto to Anchorage
Shanghai then Budapest
Should we lose our way
It wouldn’t matter the slightest
Should I wake in your embrace at the crack of a new dawn.
robin Dec 2015
my brain told me not too eat the grain mamas been out picking
it said i should sit inside and watch the telly again
but i did that last week and everyday
in-between
and there's
funny jokes on tv
that aren't really funny at all
but
shhhhh
im not supposed to laugh
mama forbids it
and
her and daddy use to beat me until it was ingrained in my brain
i still won't eat the bread though

hahahahah

sunset hills
is where they lay me to rest
still can't find peace
in the most beautiful places
pack away my bones
on the shelf
i do every now and again
please
tell me to sit still
like the knick knacks
please
tell me to stick my toungue out to catch the dust
and i will listen because that's what mama said
and her voice
that's the farthest i've ever traveled
that's all ive ever known

i run around with the farm boys
at dusk
mama says to be back before the gypsys come out
to take me
my brain listens
my head nods
but my heart tetters on the edge of a cliff
i still continue to chase them around the train tracks
over and over again
an endless cycle of never being able to be happy.
I've noticed I tend to occupy myself with people and things to the point of me not being able to be happy with myself and who I am

No more of that.
Ranger Jul 2015
I hate writing these. This will be the third time. This will be the last time. Summer, My dear summer. I know things got messed up bad. I know I was at the center of it all. Now people say I don't care about you. About your happiness. That all I do is try and manipulate you. That I have always just tried to use you. That I never loved you. This hurts me more then you could ever know.  I know this is going to be long. I need to say it tho and I need to say it right.

We have been together as friends for as long as I could remember. its now been 5 years I known you. You where 14 and your Dad had just died recently. You where there, in Gypsys room. She brought me there to meet this family. There was you and Lexi. And you where shy at first. I didn't really know what to say.  You where scared. Scared of most men for good reason. But after a while you came and you pounced on me and cuddled me. This is where it all began. Do you remember?

You where so sweet and so innocent and so wonderfully helpless. It didn't take long to love you. And I don't think it took long for you to love me. I would come online and I would count 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. and there you where calling me to spend time with you. You where family. You where my friend. You where so amazing. At that time I was in a dark place. And so where you. I was full of anger and I was cold. But when I saw you smiling that all melted away. The only time I was angry around you is where I was watching people be mean to this girl with a huge heart.

But years past and things changed. Things grew. Friends came friends went. I was there night after night talking to you. Picking you up when you where broken. I was there when you smiled and I was there when you cried. When you where broken and all you could do was cry and begged for death I was there. All I ever wanted was to be there for you. And tho it killed us. We survived. And I may not be proud of my self for much but if its true you survived because of me I am proud I saved an amazing soul. The world is a better place with you in it.

I have had the privilege of watching you grow. And when you became older and more matured so did our feelings. Some if not every one thinks that's a line we shouldn't have crossed. I could not help it. And neither could you. But I did fall in love with you and I know you did love me. We became more. Some thing I never knew two people really could be. I am glad I could find that in you. Thank you for loving me. For making me feel like I was worth it. You Are such a big part of my heart and I know it hurts like hell to have the person who made such a big impact and who has such a big part of it to not be there. But it is what it is.

I know I have not been perfect. I know I made a lot of mistakes over the years. You say I am human, that I need to let my self forgive my self. I know your right but when you hurt some one you care about deeply it slowly eats you alive. I remember the day Gypsy said I hurt you. That I made you hurt your self for what I did... I was in a dark place.. I was thinking of destroying my self when you came back. Now I am being told all I do is hurt you. That all I do is damage you. That I made you feel like you where not good enough. That you felt like I piece of meat, Summer I am sorry I am sorry for all the times I hurt you and made you feel like less.  I wanted you to feel like a queen, an angel like the drop of sunshine.

You are beautiful. You really are. You have the biggest blue eyes and the most wonderful smile and when you got butterfly's and how your cheeks would burn. I would count and tell you when I hit 1 you would smile and you would beg me to stop. I wanted to see you smile. I wanted to make you happy because when you where happy nothing else seemed to matter. Please be happy again babe. Like that. Like how you would get all excited I would sit up late at night and write you long winded letters to you telling you how I feel. Because you made me feel so much when all I knew before was pain. Thank you for that. Thank you for giving me some thing good. Some thing to remember.

I hope in the years to come I left you with some thing good to remember. I hope some thing I did mattered to you. I know I taught you to fight and I tried to show you how to be like ice like me and just shake it off. Maybe I finally succeeded. But I hope you have some thing better. Some thing good.  I wish I could have done more, had more time to share things with you. I wanted to take you to art classes coz I know how you loved to watch me draw and how hard you where on your self. I wish we could have gone swimming under the moon light like you wanted. And even tho there are so many things left undone I hope I pray I left you with some thing good. Some thing to hold on to and be proud of. A happy memory. A story or a song.

I know I am braking a lot of promises I made to you. I promised I would always be there. I promised to keep fighting for you. I promised I would always do my best and to never loose sight of you and to not let you be the one who got away. You made me promise these things to you. You did. I know I can't. I can't hold you back I can't try and keep you. You have things you need to do. You have your family there and tho I was going to move there to be with you I know that I could never be a part of that. I promise tho. I don't hate you. I never could. I promise that I will always keep a little bit of your love forever in my heart and I promise even tho life is not the way we planned it last year I promise I will do my best to be the best I can and try to be happy.

Summer, I took you under my wing. I cradled you and I put you back together after all the pain you had been put through. That is how I know you inside and out. That is why I know you when no one else seems to. You always said I gave you a bit of my soul to fix your own. I could not have given it to any one better. I know you will make me proud. You do make me proud baby girl. You came so far and your going to be a nurse. Your going to be making other people so much better. I am proud of you. But for you to do that I need to let you out from under my wing. I need to let you fly away. So fly baby. Fly as high as you can and never look back. Sing your heart out and be the good woman I have watched you grow in to. I will not be there to catch you tho, and you need to learn to pick your self up when you fall. I know you can. I know you don't need me to do that any more. You are strong. And I know your brave and you have teeth to fight with. I know, I have seen it. I have felt it from time to time. I know you are going to be ok.

If you ever get lonely my spirit is with you. And you always miss me remember.. what was it you said, we are under the same sky.. or was it stars. And one day when the day comes and I am dust in the wind I will look down on you and smile. Who knows maybe in the next life we will find each other again, maybe we can do it right.

I may not be able to hold you like I wanted to do with my own arms. I may not ever look at you with my own eyes. I wish it wasn't that way. I could have held you and shown every one that I truly do care for you. And tho we need to say goodbye I remember we always said forever and for always.

I will miss you. You where such an important part of me I know you will make me and every one around you proud.

Good bye my little fox you will be missed
Forever and for always
Danny
I am sorry I ever hurt you. I won't any more. What they say about me is wrong I hope this can show you that. So I am saying good bye.
Qualyxian Quest Apr 2021
I'm going deeper in
Colorado, California

I know the Spanish gypsys
I truly tried to warn ya

I remember old Taipei
I hope they hold off China

If she comes today
I'm in Carolina

                   waiting

— The End —