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onlylovepoetry Jul 2016
for Sally, Bex and Tonya, Denel and my beloved

<>

gods do not seek forgiveness,
or comprehension,
desertion, desecration, ascension
or condemning condescension

but how how they crave
just a good conversation,
to get a word in edgewise,
a nice chat,
entrée à, la tête-à-tête,
entre deux, deluxe-amis

a casually talking,
absent of
words of need and beseech,
reason and causality,
and no I or We pronouns,
sans enunciations and annunciations,
false hopes for incarnations, incantations,
set asides for life's grievous aches
all human requests, and some of God's commandments
for now, set aside,
annulled

just a talk,
some repartee,
but mostly an open ear lent,
an early morn quiet listen
over tea (he/she) and coffee (me),
paying attention to
both sides of an interactive story

as recompense for my willingness to be,
his engaged counter party,
my mourning gloomier cloudiness,
quick exchanged for instant,
rising sunshine warming glorious

my vista
of a bay dancing
to Tchaikovsky Swan Lake ballet music,
deftly inserted between
an Agnus Dei and an Ave Maria

mood music he said,
and we chuckled,
he/she was god and orchestrated
my tastes,
Adele et Dudamel,
comprehending my undesirable apprehension,
by granting my needy wish for
poetic inspirational composition contentment

all exchanged,
for just a good listen,
no judgements, in either direction

I am the god of love,
the one who makes you weep,
when you study your beloved's rising chest,
each uplifted breast heaving,
a confirmation blessing,
that her life is present
for at least the next second,
ready for your magi adoration

be not fearful,
this day we talk only,
as I pass by,
I have no business to conduct,
on your island of sheltering redoubt,
but to engage and unburden
for even gods
are required to confess,
and aging godheads do adore
a human shoulder
upon to rest,
a great invention,
(If I may say so myself)
and to whom better to address
than my only love poetry
poète personnelle

here he off-guards me
with a favorite injection,
Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings,
music so sweet that it never fails
to weaken my knees,
sweeping my eyes unto weeping
priming me with this first coat of
sounds so elementary soothing

he half-bows before me and says,


forgive me human, for I have sinned

in Dallas and Nice,
just this past week,
with forays here and there,
doing god's work

read your bitterness and struggle,
anger and forgiveness all in one crust,
furious curses and wails so plaintive,
my heavenly musicians weep from jealousy,
at the cries emanating from the fired fury song
of human hearts torn and love plundered

I am the god of love

and

the god of pain and all that is the

anti-love

(and to make me better understand,  
Schindler's List score, so sweetly,
he plays for me,
to clarify the atmosphere,
that death and love -
and the courage of understanding,
so oft go hand in hand)

write me a love poem for me,
no hymn or sonnet do I require,
for love is essence of forgive,
there is no perfect union,
that cannot stand,
with out this emotion of
conciliatory intermediation

tell me you understand
that the scales
of bereft befallen,
disparate chance interrupting randomized,
must periodic perforce
sometimes weigh more,
than the good of simple

balance tip that creative god spark within,
of which you write,
away from my bloodied, unsightly hand

write me one more love poem
a frisson semi-sweet and cleanly neat,
of good things sad,
but worthy of remembrance

you are not the first for this bequest to receive,
other poet's before and after,
will Jacob-wrestle with my angels,
battling to find the...

no matter

"my love to thee is sound sans crack or flaw"^

let your love poem
to me
be of whole healing,
for these disarrayed feelings
cannot forever persist,
the perfect balance you desire
is not on your Earth existent,
unobtainable

these cracks and flaws must and will come


and yet

love poems
will be our common language

and then he/she left,
leaving this poem behind,
born from my mind, yet,
carved on my skin,
written with the nib of my rib,
sealed and signed,
future undefined,
but dated upon my
cleansed hand's lifeline,
hand held outstretched
as if to say


“and yet"
^ "my love to thee is sound sans crack or flaw".
William Shakespeare

Sunday, July 17th 2016
8:42am
Anno ab incarnatione Domini
softcomponent Jan 2014
setting myself down on an anvil pillow. sleep is an anvil pillow. anvil and stone are a suicide dressed in 8 hours of mini-Godheads.. you become a repeat offender in the ever expanding realm of emerging fractal patterns sewn upon the quilt you lay across your sleepy bones like rushing water in an underground cave miles below the Yucatan Peninsula..

by electronic firelight they lay on my leather couch with the scraps of bedding I could afford to share, as if for some reason I can't escape the money analogy and see this, too, as a transaction.. buying.. a transaction.. as transfat is to nutrition.. money is tao.. my hate for money is tao.. I'm a love-and-lost buddhist like every other dreamer before me.

I'm tired of giving myself a *******.

All I ever give myself is a *******.

I refuse to bend over and at least try to give me a *******, or go to the next level in love and **** myself.

I keep telling me to do it. Keep grabbing my own *** during passionate tongue-twisters but I keep on insisting that I just CAN'T go any further.. rationally I may be right, but irrationally I still get shrieks of jealousy because I see that ******* sneaking out to kiss girls all the ******* time as if I didn't exist. As if I wasn't always watching.

I stalk myself. It's a terrifying state of affairs. No matter where I go, there I am.

Watching.

One night, I invited me over, and as usual, I gave myself a *******, yet refused to go any further.

This was the straw that cracked the camels back.. and come 4 AM I kissed myself softly on the forehead as I slept and slipped into the night, hailing the first taxi to sail past me on the concrete river.

I awoke slowly the next morning and.. still dazed.. noticed I was nowhere to be found.

A great grief flooded my solar plexus and moved into my hopeless bones.

I had not even left a note. What a ******* I am!

I had not even left a note.

The rest of the day was spent in sordid grievance. I shivered, lonely, under my ever expanding realm of emerging fractal patterns sewn upon the quilt I lay across my sleepy bones like rushing water in an underground cave miles below the Yucatan Peninsula..
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2016
i can sit on a windowsill that encompasses
my right **** cheek, for days,
and laugh out a can...
because it's the feeling that infuses passing
and pst with memorabilia of the museum;
hence i caught hearing a ****.*

man tries to b funny in greater number,
make him less and war answers....

when deftones released white pony i was circumference
jogging over the moon more than
when red hot chilli peppers released the album
containing under the bridge...

i'm still sitting on the window sill with one **** cheek...

oh the ****...

japanese ensō poetry will debauch the haiku...
i say: 'the only interruption of ensō
poetry is a toilet break... i'm drinking and writing,
i'm not going for haiku short and quickie
****** for the needy...
ensō poetry is like prosaic poetry of
europeans lying rather than hiding their
sociological lie attempt...'

when you write ensī you write without interruption,
of course you can be interrupted, like a leap year,
but i am writing confessing to
the superiority of ensī over haikus...
haiku is brief and spring,
it's a maxim you wish to never fulfil or prove,
regardless of proof or the valued truth in it...

the ensī are like haiku, although with european
poetic excess of narration,
but **** up it's not about the quantity of the narration,
i know the purposive art technique behind imagism,
it's about fluidity: and a measure of want of editing.

the ensī are perfected when you leave them
as they are...
                       they alone know when to end,
                       they alone know when to recede.

but in my paediatric diary i noted something odd
with that olive skinned child by the quasi mosque
gripping my fingers:

warm hands are heat-bed of brain (exponential
imagination, solipsism all the time, asexuality),

and my hands cold (warm heart, the brain dead when
imagination chooses either phonetic symbols
or treats phonetic symbols as mathematical
and creates mickey mouse),

the same thing happened to me...
when a single mum with a blond haired child
started to read to me in german,
and i started gentle silent crying with a beer.

but still: the ensī are the new, better, elongated
haikus.... just because europeans can't
manage keeping their mouths shut,
and to treat them cheap... i wonder if they can
elongate into narration from the haikus they fake
in order to resemble an understanding of metaphor.

put the kabbalah way into the noun allah...
(allah, a noun famous for also being a maltese croissant)
you get llh and a, a...
then look at the story... adam didn't bow to iblis...
two adams already... i know of Abigail...
but i'm working from a narrative most people
repeat to a blood drenched maxim...
a and adam, a and iblis... no e for an eve talking first...
women remain hidden, veiled,
otherwise the noun yahweh mentions
adam and eve... and the geometry of y, h, and w
is more than l and h can offer;
but as i decided long ago, monotheistic gods
are gamblers, they presupposed the existence of money,
so you can have large scale bureaucracies of theocracy,
sheiks, among them most notable sheikh hassan i sahba
and sheikh casbah... not like the mohikan gods
of pure tribalism (tribal cultures don't use money,
civilisations use money) with the godheads of deer,
crows, arrow splinters that are crafted into tribunals
of newtonian physics, and as is said of einstein:
your relativity forces a straight into a magnetic field
that bends straight lines of flighty.
Tommy Johnson Jun 2014
I feel like God hates me
Or stopped caring
Ceased to provide
Left for good

And now I'm left here to straighten myself out for better or for worse

I've met people who feel the same way
Who surprisingly have the pincushion audacity to put all the blame of their misfortunes in the absence of the omnipotent one  
I just feel abandoned they feel betrayed

Maybe he makes a chump change commission on every life he guides to a certain point then leaves them stark naked at the haunting hour

I know all the preachers and secular teachers lie through their teeth
They win the merit-less hoax award by a landslide
They have no consideration of for the people they mislead or the ramifications their poisoned sermons causes

They use emotionally charged language to increase the parish's numbers
They're terrified of God, they live in fear
And see carpal tunnel as a punishment for ******* and wish blindness upon all those who partake

There is shared consensual hiraeth between those who have been through an invasion of privacy and the trespassing of private property
They want their rights and their guns back
They want their personal space
They retreat to their happy place

Let's go back to the Pantheon of lactose intolerant divine idols
Of epileptic godheads
Who's line of work is about incubated pie pans

Can you make a tutorial that summarizes the resounding reduction of options using nothing but euphemisms?
Turquoise is the brine, deep as ever.
Godheads sink under, to which the void rejects-
all; here is nothing; there, there has been no more-
this is all.
From a forgotten notebook (circa 2011)
Satsih Verma Sep 2019
The beauty of being
nothing, like the nystagmus.
Do you see me through,
when I break inside?

Won't you release your
white doves to smell
the melting moon
of summer's blues?

Nameless a poem swims
in your pale eyes. I
watch the cobra rear up
like a purple monkshood!

One day I will pay
back your debt, for the
myth of phoenix. I will
live for centuries in the
desert to rise from ashes.

Nobody becomes a conqueror!
Soul, my soul, reascend over the edge of life, -
Far, far from the din burn into tranquil skies,
Cross bright ranges of mind measureless, visioned, white;
Thoughts sail down as if ships carrying bales of light,
Truth's form-robes by the Seers woven from spirit-threads,
From wide havens where luminous argosies (... line incomplete)
Gold-robed Wisdom's divine traffic and merchandise;

But there pause not but go far beyond
Where thy natural home motionless vast and mute
Waits thy thread; on a throne facing infinity
Thought-****, void of the world, one with the silence be.
Sole, self-poised and unmoved thoou shalt behold below
Hierarchies and domains, godheads and potencies,
Titans, demons and men each in his cosmic role;
Midst all these in the lone centre of forces spun
Fate there under thy feet turning the wheels of Time,
The World Law thou shalt view mapped in its codes sublime,
Yet thyself shalt remain viewless, eternal, free.
~Sri Aurobindo
Mateuš Conrad May 2020
it's become truly: self-evident...
why i haven't been able to write as i once did...
it's hardly a hiatus - or a writer's block...
it could be any of the cheap-thrills
of custard-brain and fudge-thinking...

but... i'm more or less... celebrating...
   a celebration: me celebrating:
me having to recalibrate lost details
of... the persuasive life:
it doesn't matter how little you do...
as long as the little that you do:
is the good...
              for example:
i'm not a big fan of self-help books...
jordan b. peterson
is hardly the sort of psychological
literature i'd venture to find...
r. d. laing: the divided self...
william james...
    jung: western man in search for
soul...
   julian jaynes: the origin of consciousness
in the breakdown of the bicemeral mind...
the anatomy of madness ed.
by w. f. bynum, roy porter and michael
shepherd - tavistock publications:
1985 first edition: cheap... at teasing
30 quid...

  rule 12: pet a cat... when you see one...
sorry... that can't be a rule...
oh today... today was just one of those...
american beauty: sam mendes is dead
sort of days...
  the air was cool in the evening...
it still felt like spring...
and i was walking back with a bottle
of scotch and some pepsi cola grenades...
and this ginger and white did
dance with me...
in view of traffic... clockwise: decently
understand in english terms...
but then he changed "lane" on
the pavement... so i changed...
then he changed... "lane" and i did too...
and we met up at a point when
he knew the "stalker" and i knew my:
forgot to bring a leash...
just my smelly fingers from...
just having roasted some pork ****
on the barbie (bbq) to a proper...
tender and juicy...
            yeah... i "petted" the cat...
more like: ****** felt it was necessary
to make me... obliged... to pet him-her...
mouth agape: snorkling / purring...
tease of the nose... grap of the tail...
stroke of the spine... sniff of my fingers...
but... rules for life...
                        it's not a given...
to pet a cat...
                  it can't be made into a command
that you should: when... chances are...
you won't be able to... not every cat
is a gambling addict: gambling on...
universal trust...

           i guess i felt right and the cat knew it...
i have two alternative rules...
but they would be deemed heresy...
one about attempting to pet a fox...
and a one about... sticking your hand
in front of a rabid dog let loose off his leash
chasing a more tame: yorkshire terrier
cowering under the bench i was sitting on
drinking beer...
with the free hand holding the terrier's
collar... and outstretching my hand
for the rabid dog to attempt to bite...
two conflicting parties came...
the owners of the yorkshire terrier...
thanking me for keeping the poor shuckles
in safety... a girl and a boy... zenith: 12...
18 for the both of them...
and the owners of the rabid tongue...
an almost feral family...
       i still have my arm and...
                       so sorry from the mother...
and her daughter...
with a straw in her mouth...
going to strut along like some illuminated
buddha: so... that's how you do it?
yeah... if it's not a hand on the iron...
or into the fire...
chances are... hand into ice...
or... between the affair of two dogs...
outstretched hand and a choice of 5 sausages
to bite off...
i don't like to gamble... unless it's with
my limbs...
or my life...
                  i enjoy money for the authenticity
of a transacation...
prostitutes in a brothel...
supermarket cashiers: the whiskey...
  i will pretend to not have...
when i buy a jazz vinyl...
      i wouldn't pay for...
people go to restaurants to talk... hardly places
to eat...
   well... good! i like to cook my own
food... and i don't like to talk
when eating it...
                     i like to know i have my hands
cleaned and the food is also readied
for cooking: clean...
i have a distrust for restaurants...
and for people... who'd want to talk
******* when they should be eating...
sorry: simon says olvier wants more...
plus... all those riddles of... complaints...
when someone paid to cook...
can't get a well-done or a decently rare:
bleu stake out...
                           what's the point?
a look of dis-satisfaction works so much
better: when it's no worded: Karen towing...
via... ******* a lemon and doing
the cooking yourself...
not that... shopping will open any time soon...
new clothes?
   for clothes you'd require to have arenas
to be seen in them...
yeah...             slow burner...
chew and choke on coal before you see
         a bonfire from that cul de sac of events!

     - it's a... william styron account in reverse...
well... he noted: he only wrote when sober...
or having a hangover...
and he reserved drinking to listening to music...
and then... melancholy creeped up on him...
romance of melancholy: depression...
michel de montaigne would tell more...
probably cite you a horace or an ovid...
while he was in a slump...
and if: the gods would provide...
snap his fingers and his quill... and spark
a joke of crown prince of terse:
a dead-end of rhetoric: a ridicule...

       a one most prized... self-deprecating
ridicule of the whole situation:
or none of it...
   to have quit smoking...
      i don't want to write because...
               i have quit smoking...
to have quit: yeah... when you see the remnants
of former you: smoking while walking...
smoking when waiting for a bus
at a bus stop...
   smoking when standing outside of a pub...
smoking when you might as well have been
eating a carrot: or a stalk of celery...
or chewing a gum...

whatever happened in the 20th century
for the benefit of man and the intellect of man...
and... what has become:
most probably... very ****** ***...
            nothing new: very ****** ***...
no ***: is better than: very ****** ***...
              the  neu-nein-neu regel...
  interlude between... shaking a glass:
look of inquiry: refill...
         and... jumping backwards and forwards...
the illusion of deviating from
the cold definition of a transaction...
   the pomp and circumstance...
              your house... your car...
your x, y, & z... the brothel... her pepsi...
your whiskey... no one's bed...
   the... love this part...
gloating of the winning parties that came
out of world war II...
gloating... israel is established:
peace in the middle east...
              the gloating of the winning parties:
communism bad... capitalism good...
the soviets launch a robot probe
that lands on mars...
all bad... the yin and yang and... now...
capitalism has to... cannibalise itself...
    fun times: pretending the competing side
to be wrong... when the competing side...
can also... out-compete you in scientific
and technological ventures... fun ******* times!
we have: zee bomb! shitz! they'z 'ave zee bombz twoz!
fun times... cornflake march
at the crack of dawn!

oh yeah... that 12th rule for life... really helps...
written by someone who...
well some cats will allow you to pet them...
some will shun you...
get over the rejection... treat them like ****
or... objectively... not as a photographer's
******* in visual media arts college:
the "subject"...
        
           even with this: i don't feel like writing...
or giving fictional credentials to the story...
i'm finally freeing myself from
a... 13 year old addiction...
      and come to think of it...
                  it wasn't so much an addiction...
as... a circumstance of obliterated willing:
or... un-willingness... the dimension of choice...
choice being: either the global curfew is
lifted and i'll get the usual cheap trickle of
moldovian cigarettes...
or... i'll cough up... the price in england...
which is... blackmail...

             no wonder i don't feel like writing:
maybe i should draw a schematic of hand
placement before the altar of the keyboard
so that... you're not looking down when typing?

ha ha! pet a cat when you see one...
because... all of a sudden...
see... that's a strange scenario:
what sort of a half-bred human do you
have to be... to conjure up...
a stray cat? how boring do you have to be?
stray dogs? i've seen how it's done...
a guy ties a dog to a park fence...
***** off...
   someone the dog escapes being tied...
joins a dingo pack and sleeping beauty: the end...
how ****** up do you have
to be... to... issue concerns for a stray
cat?
         it's like: the mind of the solipsist
never... bothered you?
the cat probably thought:
i be the solipsist and wander: **** knows
where...
than deal with this cookie-milk and sickly
sweet sort of *******...
solipsism i can heave...
i know of the hippocratic oath...
there's no sisyphean contract obliging me
to stay with this "camouflage" of mundane...
you'd be susprised:
cats tend to sleep... when and where
life happens...
a stray cat? is probably a cat with insomnia:
because: there was a "when" and a "where"
that supposed itself to be inclined
with all the geometry of dasein...

the lived life is better than voyeurism:
or a leeching off of life...
           that's also **** without *****
envy and: should i be jerking off...
to... photographs of people being tortured?
the ****** contortions of being skinned...
or being ****** like a duracel ****-it-****-it-****-it
bunny?
you tell me...
from ***** envy i came away with...
beard envy... mmm.... choke on this giggle i will...
b'lahahahahahaha!

  it's good being a man and growing old...
i'll know when to turn into a tree or a tombstone...
lucky for me i already know what it is
to become a genocidial maniac armed
with *******... a toilet + flush... a still brain-riddle
    (photoraphy of a blink... movies? no go zone
of stockholm)
of peaches... cow ******* and the anatomy
of a woman... the mermaid and the ***** ****
and the b.j. but otherwise the avenue of ovaries...
and salmon godheads with all our
children being named: bubbles and bob...
oh i do wish there was a *** life for me...
that invited me to the... to that other playground
of latex... and... the better sort of games...
past the music and the movies...
from scratch... the sandpit goldmines...
the... hidden bedrooms with bloated
barbie and ken's anatomy classes...
she's in her tattoos and i'm donning
my latex...

       now her ***** is my... one cigarette:
when there were 20 to begin with...
for the day...
              to smoke... when waiting for a bus...
at a bus-stop...
to smoke... at a bar... to smoke... on a bus...
i'd love to revise smoking marihuana while
drinking... but... i don't have the luxury
of the 2 hours it would take to reach
the nadir LD50 and the zenith of ecstasy...
of imitation ****** *****...
  no point seeking Parsifal and the glory
of objectivity when... any drugs or ***** are
concerned... so much for the objectivity
of the argument: the persuasion...
the persuasion is already lost...
to the argument for the subjectivity
of the "individuated" / placebo solipsism
of the solo- / dodo-project encounter...

i quiet like... schizophrenia... a word...
a metaphor... when it isn't a true scenario of...
low i.q. premature dementia...
when one is... misdiagnosed with it...
psychosis osmosis... i like that phrase too...
i asked to be: left the **** alone...
lucky for me... i'm the new age
cindarella ****** with a glass stilleto and
a kiss of judas to boot!
i may... oh: have the looks...
clue: what's a schizophrenic and also
    napoleonic hydra?
            my style of quizzing...  (9)
b-i-l-i-n-g-u-a-l...
           does schizophrenia exist...
           within a bilingual dynamic?
            no... out of curiosity... just asking...
perhaps i'm a case of the quadratic?
                 is there a known case of a bilingual
schizophrenic?! a quadratic?

well yeah... while those solid *****
over at mini-apple WHY-WAY...
charlize theron: gwoo YA novella wake me
up when september comes
and there's an iraqi farm of...
infidel pigs... blah blah...

riots happened whole i was... concerning
myself with... the "ad hominem" of...
gary glitter versus roxy music...
for the sole focus of a single song...
rock & and roll (part 1 und susie: deux)...

****... giggles... i'm even sporting the vogue
details... shorts... slippers...
day-two-ago smelly socks... a lebowski
robe...
   the day can seriously... happen all and freed
of me... even the cricket!
hell... i'll boycott drinking tea:
just in case the cricket players run out
of it!
always the best alternatives!

this is... best... oink oink: equpped with:
schadenfreude convening with
ridicule sort of jokes...
send in the orcs! no... SEND IN THE MONGOLS!
lest we forget about the middle-ages
framing of a looting of Baghdad!
SEND IN THE MONGOLS!

               or send those wheelz and tire-tracks
to... that humane... fifth assumption...
when capitalism had it so good:
two: towing each silly...
ideologies...
two: the germs and the slaves...
the day: when... ha-ha-h'america
rediscovered europe...
pretntious *******...
they're not native h'americans...
but they're still: dutch: all quizzical...

   capitalism never had it so good...
so much for the lost arts of breathing false...
when the slavs had communism and now...
if only mongolia was in the news...

SEND IN THE MONGOLS!
where are the mongols?
  not in dover... for sure...
             nugget of (the) ukraine...
known as crimea...
their capital: Sicz...
          and Siecz...
   "too many" consonants...
the Z is replaced with a H...
cheap: ****...
       чeap: шit..
                 "too many"...
                "consonants"...
oh i see how competing with communism
was always...
your... "thing"...
beside... exporting the capitalistic:
saves moneyz builds hou-hou-sez...
  and they do! somehow!
           but this... summons before
the court of the egregious...
             the fire... the cold-cod-blaster
events of: indiscrimenate... solace
of eventually tier upon tier...
lots of looted attributes...

glam rock: to see it... rather than merely hear it...
that was the prime concern...
glam rock is tamed punk...
glitter... roxy music...
                                 t-rex... bowie...
one song of glitter: is enough for me to forget
anything by roxy music...
t-rex... harder to confine: reproach...
and bozzo bowie remains:
intact: dulwich... born...
                                    brixton...
glitter was: but not when you hear it...
you need to see: glam rock...
to "know" you're listening to
glam rock... overwise...
tamed punk... trans-gender schizoid:
mohawks...
or... that one time when...
john wayne won an oscar for playing...
a one-eyed... drunkard
bounty-hunter...
when... the panoramic loot of time...
and avenue of scene was...
synonymous...
because: just because...
  40 circa 30... years later...
bon jovi was a ******* cowboy
sing-along loitering son...
or a trailer seller! type... typo...
sort of... th'ang...
  
          your st. thomas your st. peter...
never your ******* st. paul!
the newly wed:
   greco-heb propaganda machinery...
but i still write in sold the death of
latin... by god: ha-shem alone...
let's leave the evangelical avengers
of the stinking new continent
to their own wide-breath of hope...
own a car prior to being told: you're drunk!
says...
           the greco-hebrew conspiracy
of the new testament...
to counter... the match... the former...
glory of ancient greece...
with that... rome borrowed...
as troy...
            the hebrew helped:
hesiod minding folk...
       but the latin script...
the dead: unsaid... became...
revised... reinvented... became...
typos of coding transporter and terminator...
no... i minded to look...
no further than the archeology
of nebuchadnezzar's cuneiform...
              
wake me... this desired woo
of history revised...
the brilliance of the wake:
as cited by

the "failure" of casimir III...
point being: the nazis... either... existed...
or didn't... i much like the idea that they did...
i feel less obligated to ingest them
into my own shadow...
notably the amon goeth quote:

/today is history. today will be remembered.
years from now the young will ask with
wonder about this day.
today is history and you are part of it.
six hundred years ago when elsewhere
they were footing the blame
for the black death, casimir the great - so called -
told the Jews they could come to krakow.
they came. they trundled their belongings
into the city.
they settled. they took hold.
they prospered in business,
      science, education, the arts.
with nothing they came and with nothing
  they flourished. for six centuries there has
been a jewish krakow.
by this evening those six centuries
will be a rumor.
they never happened. today is history.
/

yes... today is history: today is also a past...
what past is clinging to these...
helio-centrists of vain... rekindle...
impromptu?
these... valkyrie: kyrie elision woes & woos?
this... multi-cultural german...
this franco-phone... "oops"...
this... sorry-saxon-cousin
of the pomeranian german...
the english the pseudo-german
having mingled with...
the welsh the irish the pict the receding
celt...
bigmouth h'america'ca'ca'nah! no?

       i'd sooner drink my own ****
and gorge on oral *** of a *******'s
****** and **** than kiss your:
ms. h'america... your guess who's h'american
woman... race war... ***** envy...
forget me so it's so...
12" envy and all that african woman's envy
of **** anything worth of as as ***!
burn... baby... burn...

federal s.a.
                    sounds like south africa...
sounds like... what... the banana republic
of ukraine...
   and the costa rica of bulgaria...
the ancient chore... the lore the lore...
the "taming of the dragon":
the rags to riches...
and all that... canadian bullshitting
the bulldozer... n'ah! gnar!
hell! summon the runes!
for the rottweiler!
   remains of: first invested in bark!
gnar! runes!
                ᚷᚾᚨᚱ! and that's when...
you last you "hear" / see the glagolithic
script...
                     so much for...
tattoo: cheap pork brides / prides
with chinese ideograms...
no runes no glagoliths...

                           gnar! ⰃⰐⰀⰓ!

how can you: write... a dog's digging...
a cat's climbing? for the former: barking...
for the latter: meowing?
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2024
imitation of woman: neurotic android,
i could always reach out to AI for company:
of to ask a question,
just one question,

i conjure: neurotic paranoia:
is everything feeling this **** from time to time
when they're alone in a house
with a cry baby male hulk of a Maine ****
and a ferocious female much smaller
but southpaw
and so ferocious:
i feel quieter and sane and stable
around the female rather than the attached
cat: who isn't really mine
he doesn't listen to me:
abusive cry baby
always wants to eat treats
rather than proper food
sometimes raw turkey
spoiled brat...
but the female i will not bother with animals
having names:
i have a name, my name is Matthew
and i have two cats...
that's it... there's no personality well there is:
but there's no character:
maybe:
working from meow or woof
what can you understand of the human world?

i'm so happy with myself:
i quit smoking
i just enjoy it now
it's not an addiction:
now i'm trying to work around
alcholism: functioning alcoholic... i am:
alcoholism with some micro-dosage
of marijuana
before i become fully insomnia tackling
on Kauai with Edie
my other half: so ******* cliche:
but i'm proud of myself:
tested the day alone
thinking: right now a solipsism would
come in handy...
but once i left the house
and onto the street and into the shop
i still felt the warmth of summer
and August is the struggle
while September comes and so does
India with a summer to these dreaded isles...

ooh: so much better:
like fuzz to ease and ooze some Brian
McBrain onto the page...
only bought two bottles of cider
and 35cl of whiskey...
that is so much less
units: 22... catch... 2 ciders 1 whiskey
22 units: catch... and a marijuana
cure me cure me
i want to return to the spirit of reggae
but in reggae to think
rather than junk ***** out
like numbing: i want the needles of thought
to follow me
whenever using...
Kentucky Burroughs, William Esquire...
o.k. DJ... what's on offer?
Culture - Holy Mount Zion...
even if your sin be as small as a mustard seed...
MARJORAM!
added to the Brussels ahem:
the beans ala Breton...
a Polish dish:
i added some of that with the fresh bay leaf
scissors: into the garden i go:
and some fresh thyme
some fresh rosemary
some fresh oregano...
dry marjoram: oh well...

my name is Matthew and i have two cats:
females invented and a Caligula
and that horse of his that came
to the aid of Catherine the Great of Russia:
that horse, mother-****** traveled time!
was like:
me and you in war and on the till...
till till...
no no: on the plough? plow? p-p-pl-pl-ow?
the PLAH! PLATINI!
farming: ****'s sake!
i'm getting out of your struggles...
the monkey said: you're not us! *******!
you ******* perverts:
stop being voyeurs you ******* *****!
so the horse said:
invent a ******* machine
let me do ***** at the Olympics show
jumping
let me compete in sports
Poseidon: horse, the waves, please,
i need to ride this tide
and hopefully i will bring a hurricane
to Hawaii...
it has been a long time...
i can do construction: dearest Poseidon:
you are also the godhead of Horses...
that is how Egypt operated:
but didn't expand to all creatures:
i am the godhead of Foxes...
but i am also a private man...
Poseidon is the godhead Horses...
ancient egypt hello:
that curse of the little heads?
the shrinking heads of your intellect?
to ***** tombs to compete with mountains
from **** stink spit and **** ***
for tombs? life in the shadow of necropolis:
the ****** sexuality of the vrigin Christ
to make people live in the valley of the shadow
where Death is like Charon:
from a ******* river to a ******* valley:
fair enough kippah!

then did the ******* Korean trick!
fried an egg!
and put it on top!
so a basic pasta bake:
butter: yes... some water...
slowly torture the onions...
fast first.. then slow:
since onions have brains and you cry
so then heat up to crisp while
acid alkaline:
juice of onions...
what's the formula?
well: i once asked for the chemical formula
of wood:
i got **** all..
there is no chemical formula for wood...
so... what is the chemical formula
for onion juice:

one sec....

       ALLICIN.... hmm...
just double checking: still using algorithms:
don't worry:
i'm not hooked on AI
i used it like my own intellect...

example 1
second year
Edinburgh:
Bruce
me
Levi... Tristan:
new years eve:
vandals...
ripping apart parked
cars the mirrors
then imitating
fight club
playing golf
in the street
next door by the graveyard
Flint St no... just made it up
golf with no golf *****...
it was with: i forget what: shot glasses...
it was something to do with glass...

let me go let me go!
if i die tomorrow i will be happy
being nervous about being a big man
man big with a driving license:
but...
no horse and no bicycle... ****!
i'll get a tank... oh thank you vank!
vank! werry much... for very... jeez:
just drop the G-bomb:
GEEKS!                 GEEKS!
*** imagination stinks!
i first finished watching Titanic
and it felt like a romance movie
but it was also a disaster movie genre
Cameron and Aliens... right?
same director?
but then the *******... oh jeez:
i freaked out...
i am,
alone,
in,
a,
house,
my,
parents,
put,
into,
will,
i,
own,
i,­
have,
over,
£500,000
about...
well when they die and mortality is thus
but i'm not a good steward of having
such authority...
must finish on wine:
get some blood pumping...
so i'm... a catch because although i am what i am
i could still till
and do the garden groundwork:
**** me the house can belong to my parents:
the garden? the garden?! that's mine!
i worked the garden for Covid was a blessing:
i see a chimera-arena
the chimera is a godhead of Socrates
if he could retract back to youth
and contemplating dialectics with a concern
for diacritical markers
therefore the original problem is no
longer solving the trouble
of universals and particulars...
what are universals? uneven numbers:
sacred numbers: like pi...
oddly enough particulars are your standard numbering
of say: the price of diesel,
the price of potatoes:
those are particulars... although numbers being universals:
how they are applied is particular:
language: words: god is weak:
concerning what he has created:
god is dead no
no god is not dead:
he is just weak....
not enough people are formulating him her it
Himmler...
                  
but pi is a number that isn't a letter but is a letter:
i'm trying to revive god
phantoms of schizophrenia: and Zion...
a letter like pi and pi not being a number:
the month and mouth of Pi
just letters and my curiosity:
such faking on my part feeling so lost
by being alone:
just realized: so was Adam at first...
godheads:
i did mention that:
i'm the godhead of Foxes...
we come: we go:
love of the gods is one sided?
really?
not no better one god with a cohort
of perverted angels:
better: best

a polytheism of assemble
of the gods:
numbers numbers i'm counting
a god is a god but also a godhead
of an animal:
spirit of one:
but if i am the godhead of foxes
i also have a human face...
poseidon would be the godhead
of horses: but no one is called Poseidon
these days:
unless: by the sake of the Africans...
so like ancient Egypt
but the pantheon was
sort *******
since the gods with human faces
and godhead faces of animals
became... um... half baked?!

i fear being outside of parental control,
Reyla,
you know my work,
your mother didn't protect you far enough
or maybe she just lied
i'm alone
in the same house
and god it haunts me
i'm so awake
i'm so me...

Reyla: i don't want the Africans
to convert to Christianity,
i will not crucify that soul:
the Africans gave us Egypt
Asia gave us the Mongols:
Europe gave us the Germans
and the Poles...
      Danube Oder
Vistula:
                    Prague...
Venice my Atlantis...

   i broke my chakra: shaman?
no no: just reading a book,
reciting a name of a Roman poet:
of Rome:
Guisseppe Belli...
not Dante: i'm not in high school:
i'm still at university
i should have said:
to a post-graduate degree
with my understudy in chemistry
i could have become a formidable
psychologist:
oh the real world
and drinking wine from a bottle
or a fountain
those two days in the pagan upkeep
of calendar
nearest Augustus...
Caesar...
only two metro lines, LAMBERTO?!
seriously... i was thought of as South African
while the rag stag of a broken
fruit: i swear to god this is like west side
story the ******* musical or an ABBA... mandarin...
what is the Jerusalem of the North?
Danzig or Cracow?

  just ask the Jews: the Hebrews: the Israelis..
lites? no kites... no ultras anti fascist black clad
at football matches...
at football matches
you have the ANTIFA--
get me?

the ULTRAS are ANTIFA
they are historical revisionists
they understand the falter pointers of fascism:
they're still fascists...
don't get me wrong...
but democracy doesn't work either
when you don't something spoken
Hebrew into the ear of an Arab
who went to Latvia...
and spoke back:
there will come a time of the Mongol
and the Turk...

                but please leave the spirits alone:
stags and bears get drunk
on fermenting fruits that fall to the earth:
stags and boar:
i am a bear-******:
i don't mind being sexually harassed
by a north american hyb-
i don't mind if i have 14 year old girls
to help me out
about
being sexually confused...
i don't mind being approached
by a male
sexually...
as long as i have 14 year old girls to be my peers
and my judges and my democracy:
only one:
in the courtroom...
under peer pressure:
pre-
not metaphysical:
let's begin...
under peer scrutiny:
then able to transcend peerage
that origin of the temporal... a scene:
clock that cruel device:
in the universal realm...
but particular: to being late.... for a shift:
all sweating as if ******* was
a wheel and i could have been running...
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2024
why is London such a **** scene for music?
Bristol: IDLES
play on idols...
Sheffield: Arctic Monkeys
and where the **** were Mogwai from?
Glasgow: Edinburgh: Dundee?
i don't ******* know i don't even
have to like Mogwai or appreciate Mozart
because i have some Germanic inheritance
in my blood:
only Laura Hemmatti
called me Con... Rad... Conrad:
but she was a Bahai and for a while
i was almost in the cult...
it felt funny
trying to infiltrate a cult
but then she spok to Lizzie II
and i don't watch t.v. or gamble...
i relax
by drinking smoking **** and
deviating from the crows CC
in t.v.
                    so i relax by writing...
this is comingnicely:
like a Roman *******
and a Thai happy-endinging
ending massage..

mother: let me create and eat
this carnage
this carnage of < ao
a wom<n...

         the daughter: my monster is alight....
the leftist Bristol Brit Maker:
Salute: i'm off...
Satan my guide: myself my self
the orb of monsters
the reflective and the reflesive:
couple my mind with soul
and see Hell..
couple my mind with body
and see Earth and crumbs from Heaven:
because there are the Elders
and Yahweh
ought to know of the Elders:
there are Elders:
friend:
the godheads of crows and pigeons...
yahweh:
if you are friend
to the crippling ontology of man
from 20th  cenutry tutu
beginning...Rey... lah lah...
Reyla.. ooh... calm your mother...
i'm about to make an incision...

              Reyla bless your mother.....
...................................
.................­..............
........................................
.........­..........................
......................................­.............
/.................................
(music)
it must be music...
who awards these Swedish dynamite wanks?!
from swing to sandpit
it took him 40 pages later
before fearing to act
and get out of the car:
how long is the ******* night in Scandinavia:
longer is Siberia? longer: i ask?!

what was on my mind?
in writing a sloth
and active in person: short term memory loss
long term foundations
dreams and lacking:
dreams ought to be puzzles
not art galleries
or dreamworlds of graveyards...
i think...
what was on my mind was:
brain skeleton tissues
and skull
then i had heard
and hair...
and a face too...
so suprsising a beard
and then no beard at all...

      howls from Bristol:
left-wing capital of the English speaking world:
oh... i forget...
i live in London:
so now Whitechapel is is Bengali
because **** the Indians said
the Bengali monkey-tiger warriors...\Buddhists on show..

i light two candles for two days
ahead
and the nights already spent....
i need to trims
my mouse tache...
armpints....
and the "garden"...
*****...                            region...

war = wehr...

                                     ABWEHR... contra
the Juice-Step-Poe...

from the pyramids to the graves
then toward the chimneys:
if my eye were less...
              i'd see more... MI5 were the Gestappo
and the gas genocide engineers
then black clad
skull in silver

then there was the MI6 of the *****: the Abwehr....
so little is spoken of the Herr Bond...
in the western:
watch my street... i'm going to get a beer...
when bull starts
charging at
water:
because red was just exploit
bull said:
i was a whale
and the ape used to be bear!
so long Afro-**** honey...
***** envy:
but it was one of your kind....
took the purple pill
the bruise....
pelvis and coccyx.....
forehead... my last relinquish.....

100 in one night
1000 doesn't st4retch the arrogance
of Genghis Khan
but his ***** sisters and daughters are having
fun on Christmas
ferris wheels...
          
where was my imagination:
leftover with dreams? maybe further:
see the night with some light....
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2024
it's not a fun thought to have
fun to die with
but not to fall asleep with

read some TS Eliot
didn't think him American
took the Ezra
pounding

so...
to compensate your age difference:
i am:
Reyla's Grandfather
if by age disparity you
are my Mother:

i am Reyla's grandfather
sort of Jesus no God
Premature in :ooks of aging...

i get funny looks at work
i get funny looks at work...

i'll scribble for you to get the jist
i'm psychiatrist
i am
talked for hours on end
with Qais
about the difference between
the Hajj and the shortened
version: the Ummah....
the 7x wandering around the Kabah
and seven times reading
of the Quran....
two asian girls on the train
one rubbing her hair into my naked skin
one rubbing her hair into my naked skin....

i'mk riding a rift of a Bromance:
i'm having my Lawrence Digital Arabia
Sands like Silicone...
Ahmed the Somali
Qais the Pakistani
Hamas the UNCLE
ha ha: Saudi Blah Blah
Gandu
Uzair the ****-
-stani...
goggle eyes my god so short sightened
cake fake of eagle: too!

so we talked desert in concrete
jungles:
mooch mooch much later
smooch of talking tickle
of talking mushroom godheads of crows
and magpies
like the positive cancer
of cognitive growth of a Scotch cancer:

Qais: humus was listening: fidgeting...
the drunk on the drain just sat down
and called me a priest
not a politician
a priest
i am a priest
i was giving confession on a train
and everyone seem bewildered
by a painting of a pointing finger...
weird...

i am Reyla's grandfather:
grandma...
mummy bear honey bear i ****
you like a teenage girl
i ******* like a teenage girl
baby
my 56 year old whale; blubber
mother: *** so dearest:
i'm implosion:
correct grammar:
i implode:
i'd implosive: a double-be

i love your dearest,
i love you
i love you
i love
you
i felt like going over the mark
of the two ciders tonight
i had a taste for *****
and writing
and i know the Pope is dead
but all i had in my head
where:

ground control to major tom
ground control to major tom
take your protein pills
and put your helmet on

and i know how the English
make you think other people don't
exist how somehow you are
apparently universal blank man
but this is only my res cogitans
interacting with the res extensa
and the world is so magically
telepathic i wonder
i wonder will the Norsemen return to cAtholicism
and be fearful of the Christianity
of Russia
because i am afraid of the Christianity of
the Orthodox
and half way between Protestantism
is a little Billion Island of Catholicism
but the intellectual catholicism
outside the concept of nation
there is a clear distinction
between an Irish catholic
and a Polish catholic
and certainly the Spaniard
and the Italian:
the Pope died
no Icon
no Queen
something weird happens because i don't
know a place beyond the family
i allow to grow
and i don't live in a family
associating with figureheads of the public
realm:
perhaps as a last resort
and that's not where Edie is with the Pope
i am with the Pope right now
but am i to belong to a people
like the Polynesian display of tribalism
lost intellect
bot the symbolism of the tribal war
against the waves of the surf
of the Pacific:
among the heights of the tallet mountains
of mountains that take root in the sea
and peak from the Pacific bed
like a lazy teenager girl
and i'm away and playing video games
like she is playing ROBLOX
constantly but aware
like she has these eyes that speak
and they speak a language first learned
by intuation
she implores me
don't make me lose it
this language:
R baby: you will not lose this language
but it's up to you how you continue
to work with it...
you have to work with this language
of the... eye is an *****
the complexity of the eye
on equal footing with liver and brain
and heart
then by seeing alone
the other senses are confiscate to appreciate
the "religion" of the Pentagram...
i said i'm keeping vigil with the Pope
we are waiting for Charon
until Saturday morning...
the bus driver got drunk
or something
or was a spare time poet who didn't get paid
for writing poetry and didn't care
to be paid:
was paid by heaven upfront:
working on comission...
if only i keep my focus on the clock
and go to bed by 12am
midnight
i will have done much than drinking
the bus driver
to sleep and joyriding with the bus
because i feel like
i need to overcome the space of lost
spatial awareness:
boxed man
man...
i'm used to bicycles and horses...
i'm not used to getting used to using
a *******: TANK...
Islamic State Tank Brigade into a Crowd
and Pillow:
a weak thankfully: the numbers start adding up
and then "someone" dies...
i know his role was diluted by the presence
of what extends beyond the mind
the squire and the hive
of the family
and all sacredness is lost
on politics
and not a thing of brothers and prostitutes
and mothers:
finally wives...
but how i have been cleansed from the realm
of *******
it was like playing video games
and nihilism with a tinge of solipsism
at least Nietzsche talked of nihilism
from the perspective of the res cogitans extending
into the res extensa
and then coming back from the COGITO
after the death: post-mortem...
that's when the COGITO replies
the COGITO = I THINK + GOD THINKS
i think we forgot to reply
with: beyond all traits
and unfathomable currencies of will
that there is a god
and he cherishes the same freedom
we cherish most:
that he thinks and he doubts
and we keep forgetting that by ascribing
the omni- litany of aspects and
thus: non-existence when compared
to the inertia of the res cogitans with
an animanite thing...
therefore the Sysiphus is spawned:
to think beyond the menial task...
escape the crowd...
then comes focus and abruption from this
deep desire implies this thread
of thinking will preserve itself until
tomorrow night? i don't think so:
the spike... in what felt like
what could have been a writing desk
and a different spine
instead of the position
of the laptop being on the bed
and me kneeling before the bed
almost half dog:
yes: the Sphynx position of Writing
when one writes from the edge of the bed....
the Sphynx position of Writing
the Human Head on the body of an Animal
is where Anubis comes forward
and tells all the animal godheads
to come down an answer from individualism
borrowed from petting
by anima primo: man...

but when the queen died
i was somewhat dismayed
but the new currency came with the visage
and i just felt a slight
chill from the wind
of wonders and whispers
as it came and carried me away...

Nathanel... i hear the word:
who knows what it means...
by now 20min feels like 4 hours when
the conversation is alive
and no one is dead left kicking
to open up the coffin
and turn this world into a catacomb
of how grey and mobile zombie wording
it has to become painting
i think perhaps leave some
direct language
i just think of the ***** eye
like kidney
but since there are two eyes
there are two lungs and two kidneys
and i much prefer that
lyricism of the schematic
away from the brain the heart and the *****
i much prefer
the schematic of the eyes the lungs
and the kidneys
i don't like the pseudo buddhist LSD myfriends
type of gargoyle crayon
drawing of energy
from the mind the heart and the *****
in a yogi pose
pretending to meditate
whatever that means:
mediate yes: understanding...
for that i need
the three twins
the eyes
the lungs and the kidneys...
i need those three and

just her driving at night
and listening to
Bread - Guitar Man...
and i think in her sleeping queen sort
of dynamic but probably
not
we were listening to something chilling
and she was worried i wasn't friendly
and i just wanted for us to stay apart
at a concert
i think we went as a couple i think
we talked about music
and that night you gave me the best *******
because it was a 16 year old's show of affection
coming home from a concert
yet not magnifying the trust
into coercing each other
but the reality breaks into full scheme of the steam ahead:
aww...
     so maybe cooking breakfast
for a sleepover blonde Slipknot
queen and a dad *** with a chequered shirt
but my bad is kind of a bookworm
and he likes relaxing
by sometimes stressing about making
a perfect meal
and i
now and all that sentimental breath
because if i were paid for something else
and perhaps if i wrote without heart
if not being paid
then at least investing an honest spare change
of thought to let someone
find themselves and my little gnome of gnosis
i wonder perhaps
but of course that story only works if
we say goodbye to the riddle of the countryside
and the question of cosmopolitanism...
and we have to question
that in the confines of London
about New York...
we can all ask the New York Question
when we live in Paris,
London, Berlin, Warsaw...
we can ask that psy q
having lived here for over 10 years
and perhaps these restrictions:
but the envy of the hope
is the fear is respects...

   but the envy of the hope
is the fear it respects...
because it leaves us solidified in the conflict
of water and earth
and the water fighting for us to return
to air...
because we were not born of the earth
and to earth will will not return
we were born in the air
from thought from a whim
we all share with the gods of whims...

how the eyes are burried in the realms
of organs
yet try to escape with thought
on the two pairs of ears
like wings
imagine us Men as Angels with Ear Wings
imagine us the **** Tier with Demons
as Dogs and Cats
and Horses and Pigs
we Eat we love petting Animals
we Eat more than we love petting Animals we don't
eat...
we love petting animals we eat
more than  the animals we pet and don't eat
and that's all VEGAN PROPAGANDA
i trust the news when men write
tiny columns...
i trust the news when only men write
tiny columns on
the first 10 pages of a newspaper...
the rest is cannibalism...
and vanity fair...

Catholics less minded than Muslims
in England
imagine...
Islam is catered to England
more than Catholicism...
but that seems organic and almost
a bit: didn't i say so?
i think the Jews are rightfully excused
from the conversation
but in England
imagine a catholic reconquista and you'd rather
imagine
Islamic multiculturalism
outside the realm of Mecca
and later the Emirates
and i wonder the buffer zone is equivalent
to givin that place the biggest G of O'clock...
like Mike Mike Mike Mahoney
and McGuire...
and all the other Macintyres...

            because in the last resort i wonder
how much of ethnicity is rumbling
when the nation-state goes away
and little pockets of the tribal man
once in the wild now
the tribal man in cages
and i believe in only one truth: god thinks...
therefore i don't need many gods
i only need one god
and one truth: god thinks!
**** all your omni- litany
and lack of free will!
people like that... even if atheists!
are imbeciles!
they argue from the perspective
of there being no free will
when they have so sparingly exercised it!
ugh... conversational pay child
i do wonder...
but for all the gods
i'd like only one god
and one truth: god thinks
and that instead of
so complex the simple details...
i think
              i don't say i thinks
in pigeon...
     but god is a pronoun
and nothing is a pronoun
and by now you can say
god thinks
and nothing thinks
because you can't really say
god think
or nothing thing... there's than plural continuum
sorry you're not special
but you are special
as you make yourself
however tender you want to stay
in a harsh world and cushion
satiate away...
Johnny Noiπ Sep 2018
Love is the time for women, & one woman is a girl
in whose naked eyes is the Mother,  "the girls' lives
at night by men in the red light of black people's good
*** is a poets alimentary faces of the beautiful
Dead Hot Earth snooch at the foot of years,        while the queen of the place
said they are not of the dunghill,    but you are young,
"1 thought the Green of Americans were against him;
the Big choosing of the golden form of the living soul,                we dance to poetry in the Sun of the ancient Silver, Puck,
very fierce in battle is that of the death
of the goddess of ******* hell, the city, into a chamber
that has a large, in the future, *****'s the sea became
blood from the wife of the poet of the word of this time
were the hands of kid-skin thinking the entrance
of the call of the Real Moon recognizing the voice
of Steel's living history; what is the infant Dream child
is doing in the middle of the street,              
                           saying to the wife
of General Igor, drunk at the time of the Golden Sky's
American English words were heard from the father's
death opening a poor expression written by the cold
water that has not a drunk person or he's having to be born
w/in the hands of the Greeks;   the coming intention
of the work is great; Yellow the holy children
of the three he wanted to be full at the start, walking,
it is true; widely we walk in the open air, Medusa,
the book being turned to the stone of the aperture
of the republic, to feel him as a young son from a Savage
rock of the kid which 1 promised a gay guy's leaving
us an ugly brown paint, but a white, pear-shaped Barbie,
the cat's ears, & speaking face to face to her mother,
she left the world on the arms of the girl's Best friend;
The tongue of a deep form of John writing to wet
prostitutes because he gently inclined to yucky company
that keeps running,            filled w/ French-Russian dogs
to the window & totally invisible ****** boy's brain
was dispersed each bad lives West secrets small mirror
on the field of poems asking those standing to speak;
the use of which is under the sound of a lot of the guys,
the story is read, strippers,    lay hold on the instruction
of music in a matter of speaking,         and turned it about,
the weeds of Sandwich; She is my sister to go
the clubhouse is on the wall of the stripper to bear
the Aegean, & iron, & with the fingers of a dog's squeeze
is enough for a long time; own will we now take care
not to go on waiting for the school of Christ,
that 1 may fall in the sense of silver of the daughters
of the best the standards laid upon his legs,
in order that the Prophet's design brought him in a dream
to the earth & smelling of battle the rich man's lore
is written in yellow ink & he received the Six things
that are w/ God, the birth,  and in the air out of the floor;
Alchemy is at least intelligent machine pulse power
wearing thong *******, Mary origin cops watching
my cold dead Christ in the sacred painting of angels
in bed & sitting in a friend of the tongue unknown,
it is written in the walls of the mom's of life to depart
from the robot has fallen on a tree: Top Hat Magic
of the opinion prevailed in the garden of the Science
Prize in the Park of the congregation & he drank,
beginning w/ the woman's toes that also loved Einstein,
the angel of the injury to the table of Bettie in the flesh
carried away by the wind of broken glass the sight
of the flames,      holding them in the Wilderness of the waves
of the News guns are becoming godheads,  coached by a hairy
man & made pregnant; her navel cut through
by the dysfunctional Center Museum & Bob's ladies snatching
a monster who lives in a clear leather ******* talking *****
in the temple & the leaves;       Abbas asleep called healthy
by his enemies; artillery visitor,   public radio killer games
meat w/out looking down upon her teeth the women
of smoke only wanting the woolen Kisses of the buried
ode glowing in motion & progressing;        He secretly met
relaying on
       the abstract reading to the stand's mad winds of soccer,
remember dance natural damp earth,              empty corner
understands bring the tongue burning six meaning
simply corporate paradise beating invisible takes
the computerized Christian lights witch;                one picture
maintaining the course, referring to thankful prayers
to the Holy Ghost's Shadow,
knowing lovers feeling Chinese secondarily in the morning
               of jack light blue line, sweaty clothes standing
on their own, fully prostitutes speaking of incomparable
beauty's honor; as Eve was captivated by the sight of the souls
     of men in the streets of a gypsy thin to return to lead
the foreign brands to cut the sheath of the ***** through
the warm-up process for the teenage goddesses
to be greater than the insanity of the Jewish Star's
returning to movement; 1 find in ***** that he should be made,
to be happy to die of music played worldwide
on the shores; In the middle of it,       which took hold of her bra
in the crack-brained of its branches & of the wearing
of the skin of the opposite of the volume
of the piglet's telling: Yeah.   He began to dream for a long time,
O Queen who gave birth to the tender morsel
is that which is apparent from the Order
of the White Mountains of Asia,
which breathe forth Theda Bara in the night
the Cartesian schematic, "schematic" will never
feel, seem or be thought of: as outdated,
clearly there is a parallel to how
it abides with the universal applicability of
1 + 1 = 2... somewhat, somehow...
take for example how i think about the God of
the Hebrews...
and how i think about about:
the time i spent from learning to swim to learning
to ride a bicycle:
in either case finding gravity: discovering it!
wow! although... i learned to ride a bicycle
before i learned to swim....
that element of peer pressure in terms of swimming:
because swimming teamed up with
survival instinctive-ness and peer pressure sort
of got along with the lesson dicta...
besides the point:
within the realm of res cogitans:
i think of ha shem and then i stutter and then
i think again with a hot-air balloon worth
of a comma or even a semi-colon
and i conjure up... Solomon's geometry of
the yet to exist Latin scribbles, letters...
YHWH is perfectly symmetrical in terms
of the pentagram of vowels: although:
some might say... Y is a vowel... not a consonant:
outside the abide of the English mongrel zunge...
but that's my res cogitans model:
my honing in decide-
   decisive-
          decisiveness...
             ah! stand corrected mon frer!
god almighty the Polacks drink the worst kind of
***** the spirited kind diluted from
ultra 98% from Mongolia or where the ****
Communism first originated:
state-atheism...
which makes me laugh when i labor
and i give birth to stillness and silence
when i emerge from what used to be State-Atheism
with these Western
Individualistic
Science-Prone monkey wanking super
supreme atheistic individuals and there's mention
of the wonders of the universe and
equations and i think:
on the individual level this atheism is rock
bottom in terms of being bewildered:
in terms of what's allowed and what feels
good beside(s) what feels... right:
obligating me to reciprocate...
i'll ******* reciprocate what the **** i feed as
necessary: i feed: not what feels
but what has a hunger...
so all this atheistic zeitgeist of western-ininity:
*****-nilly...
i have inherited state-atheism:
what the **** is use
for me
individual atheism?
something... ahem... specific?
what if i find science boring and crass
and elitist and all those scientific arguments
are worth jack'o and jackey worth of ding-ah-doodle-do
to me?
see... transcendental thinking is exhausting:
when i smoke some marijuana
and drink....
i much prefer drinking and being alone
and watching how people starve for
audience and audibility before the pope
and find a universal: title: like: devil:
do evil... and do us apart...
but then i think of how i mastered the clutch
and how i stopped theorizing and now
the car is 90kmh when i can take it that far
and it's no longer a bicycle because
i stopped loving cycling
and swimming is like eating fruit
i prefer eating vegetables and
like reading philosophy and your wife
is reading self-help books
and i think i enjoyed reading then
i didn't have so much practical awareness concerning
the mechanization of the world...
and as such: the muscle-thinking...
in Latin i think that's...
lacerti-cogitans...
       i've had sleepless: thank god: nights
imitating **** reactions worrying about
not drinking enough to fall asleep while grandma
does her... *******... Soviet Era gymnastics and
hopes to die before i cook her the ultimate meal
and i tell her:
not yet...
but in the open world... there's the Res Extensa
and in this dimension
the Ha Shem and YHWH diminishes
and fades and there's this elaborate network
of the ELOHIM and the Res Extensa...
and at least the remains of the Jews
who are now the Israelii...
and at least: the remains of the Jews of History
in the ***** of Europe who are now
the Israelii...
as the English commentators have it...
well... i can bow out: if the migration crisis is so bad
i can just leave Europe and *******
to the Pacific...  Hawaii...       ahem...
can...             you?
i can... i sort of wiped the floor with
a tango of red and cry and pink and
menopause...         but i ask... can you?
i don't really need a Christ on a cross and
some elaborate ******* plan
if the plan doesn't invoke me thinking
of transcendental plans of the everyday
and not doing the replica intrinsic: SICK:
on the crucifix there i was...
******* at Golgotha the stump
and then reminding myself:
of those not circumcised: ergo: not crucified:
well circumcision would make sence
if properly wedded and assured
i mean better than a wedding ring:
if i were to wed a woman i'd ask to be
circumcised... if i were... but i have two protruding
veins on my ******* so i can't so
the theory goes back into
what Islam is "thinking"... not much...
and out of the 20th adoration of foreign influence
whether that's Buddhism or Islam...
with the tumult of people:
i'm starting to think that...
these people and the birth of AI
oops... are having a reverse effect on:
who influences who...
           but at least i know:
within the realm of res cogitans there is "yhwh"
and ha-shem...
            while within the realm of res extensa
there's the park the savior of silence
and the godheads of crow snake and all the
other creatures and in the whirlwind there
is also a "ha-shym" by the allowance of ELOHIM...
i don't mind giving Europe up and its architecture...
i will claim the mountains and the tides of Kauai...
i do not need this modernity and this drowning man
attempt at clinging to life
dearest life... drowning while cutting himself
on a razor's edge...
i don't need western individualistic atheism:
nothing special with the bulls' bollocking
thrash at *******
i don't think that works:
i have come from state-atheism:
i think that works counter to
whatever thought entails atheism
to be some miraculous spectacle of...
funny... i don't know what...
state-secularism... m'eh... but state-atheism...
that... that sort of compliments the Vatican:
and that almost makes me laugh at how the English
had an Empire, Empire the imploded:
and oh so nice Whitechapel needed to be one
of those cruxes where Bangladeshi
some nearing extinction tongue needed to be placarded
for surveillance under: "ENDANGERED"...
so much of living among my own bio
and mess and history among the Western Slavs
learning how to drive will do to a man...
who will not save England
who will laugh at England
who was told to *******
who was told: ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT
in 1997... who was asked politely: not deported...
but the Home Office came to the house
and my father did a runner and then i
was left with my grandfather punching the wall
about the injustice and i saw my father and
mother handcuffed and we left...
and then...             well hey! hey!
free as the world can be!
not enough scruffy big on that fatsoid and get
delivered on kangaroo hop hop you
******* scream?
i do believe: oh such a relief...
the centrist and perfectionist in me...
i owe no allegiance to the narrative of England...
except for...
the allegiance to English humor
and a sense of traffic...
i owe England nothing of myself
that it might use me to align itself with others
on the labyrinth of world and history...
for the two are... apart... aren't they?
history is a study of time...
the world is a study of space...
maybe i'll keep my wife in the dark about
my fetish for Heidegger...
after all:        da-sein: there-being...
                is a sort of vibration counter to
to:       welt-außer!
oh... but then i like the S//Z the sharp dictation...
i'll settled for what compliments the individual
and the da-sein with making it a:
welt-neben!
woth the ******
Mary
there was no
****** Joseph
as God Pristine
Born and comparative
literature of what
becomes
of a viregin
and ****** birth....
*******... NONSENSE!
not even 1 + 1 = 2
or a + b + c... = d' e' f'...
like... nonsense...
literal gibberish...
like i'm burning three false
godheads of man
the three fears...

this "god"... was born
of two virgins... right?
what ******* use
is being born
of only one *******
******... ****** angel
and **** demon...
half baked cookie...
jesus christ is
a half0-******...
half-oh... oh jeez!

jesus the half a mary
the half ******
thus the pronoun and ***
and biological reality:
ooh ooh... shake up shake up
Matthew will burn churches;
not mere crosses
he will burn the churches
and the crucifixions will happen
no more...
John Destalo Oct 2020
there was
no time

on this day
I disappeared

and existed
all at once

merged into
an idea

that would
impact the

world

dancing with
two godheads

the destroyer
of form

the creator
of change
kevin Apr 17
of the cross way
to becoming his name is forged
his holiness
will leed his earth home
and return the mind
before ireland has finished
he wills forwards
his marching minds eye
opens and a pawn, you

scotish leed is the irish reading?
howled in tindering ashen regret
another godheads tilt, sunder and
wilting melt of my handling of the quill
the weird and wonderful:
marriage:
5,000 miles away
she might as well be living her
wife's life on the moon
and i'm stripped of oxygen
when no breath infuses
with words and there is no
coherent sparkle of
that dynamics that arrives at
such words from
a spaghetti soup of
gfiuwbnerfioqwnepvcjeoiurf
sdjdcvnqkvjewiurewiwerjkf
iurpwqvbx­zuwdqtuwipejddsk
descent into sanity
or rather
how all the rules concerning
life and physics are easy
but we are adamant with the devil's
ego to uproot
the simple fact that god has no ego
so the devil impregnated us with his
ego and there's no concept
of original sin
but god asked the devil:
why are these creatures so docile?
i created them in my image
but they are just so docile
another failure like the dinosaurs
i was waiting for the lizard men of Uranus
to sprout from my creation
but none appeared
so obviously i had to send in the NUKE
and hey presto:
i waited
and then came the closest thing i could
muster:
the monkey came but i saw nothing
that's where you come in:
i will give them knowledge of evil:
i will need your ego
and i will give them knowledge of good:
i will feed them nothing
i will drive that crucifix that will become
the nail in the coffin into man
and tell them through many people
that i am without ego
it might be called lying or scheming
but you, dear devil: are a thinking creature
and man misunderstood you
as a sensual creature
when he emerged combining the two
rather bewildered
rather than ashamed because
SIN they called it:
when they forgot their birth of the consciousness
divergent the divergence consciousness
the catch-22
but it was not sin
i think dear friend you can't stomach
the darkness of the sensuality of these creatures
when you see them go beyond animal
and that's what happened in the garden
but no one had enough tongues in ***
to speak to so many godheads
and the godhead of the crow and the fox
and the crowd
and there is a separate identity when people come
to congregate in a Coliseum rather than a Church
there is an oath of celebration
i am not a thinking creature like you
and you were right
man conflated pure thought with the senses
and metaphors and out came toy you:
Iblis: of fire...
no... you arose from my nothing-self
my non-ego my anti-ego
and you saw man the sensual docile
sharpen his sexuality with the innocent trickle of thought
and you sat in that tree the green
lizard i envisioned to create the latex
and vinyl monkey fetish bedroom
and vincent van gogh and i never understood
the fascination of painters' concern for
inanimate objects like chairs
and the stillness before the photograph
and the blink of an eye
and the moment when you stop thinking
and narrating and the world is a great yawn
and i am the chasm
and you are the echo
and now comes the summer zenith and
the all england club is waiting
two weeks non stop 12h shifts
i'm in party mood:
bigger than Glastonbury
and you want your country back no you can't have it
i like masks and i like when masks come off
and people argue in shops about
being short-changed
and the older geezers are paying tribute
to Mammon the Taxman...
and Mammon as a Taxman is fair
but that's not to envy his riches
because i envy the paupers
and in the blistering focus of the Black Sun
on the warmest day in June
i will call it the first of July
i have a wife who is jealous that i still
keep in touch with a friend from high school
she thinks my friend from when i was
11 or 12 is going to be her
5,000 miles away
4 years or however many in
and we've only seen each other 3 times
in the space of a month
two weeks
6 weeks and me going over for almost 2 months
and if this is how all my relationships were
i already said to myself:
as i will say to her:
because another woman sitting next to me
polyamarous
she had her hair *******
but then after a quick break unfolded her hair
and was trying to keep me
in the realm of bees and flowers
and kept flicking and i was reading
her tattoos and i said i had a scar
and i didn't need tattoos
and that was weird
i was engaging in something new
and i don't know if liberating
but she called me an angel
and i said i can't i have a wife
but i didn't it was obvious there was a ring on
my finger
i just don't understand why my wife
thinks i'm so "dangerous" if i go to a social
event in a public place with one friend
and 4 strangers
because i think that's the best way to
keep the event of society
going the sort of event that society is
that is
what Pompeii was
to all of us
before we discovered the pre-history dynamic
of that sort of science
history is a science
it is not a humanistic topic
history is equivalent to chemistry
and physics and biology:
heavily on the biological side of being meticulous
and pedantic about facts and the fluidity of
knowledge: since knowing is not regurgitating facts
like a parrot
but history is a science
philosophy isn't a science
the amount of precision
you need for a chemistry experiment
the same precision need to write
about the life of Louis XIV
you need a killer glossary
and appendix
very scientific:
philosophy doesn't really use that scientific
rigidity
it's systematic but in philosophy becoming
systematic akin to Kant et al.
philosophy lost its pragmatism
Nietzsche thought philosophy should
return to a pragmatism but the problem
with that kind of "pragmatism":
aphorism and truth-bombing...
it leads to untested truths:
un-observable truths:
un-tested truths...

how can you test an observation akin to,
e.g.

         the devil has the most extensive perspectives for God;
on that account he keeps so far away from him: -
the devil, in effect, as the oldest friend of knowledge....

where in common sense and history as science
is there serious talk of god or the devil?
surely history has a pale devil ******
and the copper devil the Great Khan...

really really bad ******* example!
but i guess that's the pinnacle of philosophy as a subject
i too would be of the conversion to write
in order to pass the message along
point being:
why is history deemed a humanism and not
a science?
i think Heidegger attempted to allude to that
in his black notebooks...
i'm sure of it:
because he felt trapped by philosophy
and i too would be trapped by philosophy
if i didn't have a background in chemistry
and history
and i loved that combination most
in terms of being confined to
dear mother pedagogy
before i learned the anti-pedagogy of my father
and there is the anti-pedagogy of the father

the Prodigal Son
and i suppose Christ is a bit confusing
because the whole affair
the drama he needed
to speak his message
and die peacefully...
i mean he could have spoken that message
and died sensibly with
a book of philosophy or poetry or allusions
to history in between some chemistry experiments
he could have spoken his message
i don't see how that translates
into modern soap opera
and him being crucified for those words:
words aside:
he must have been genuinely crucified for
something:
not as mundane in a world
of paganism and high masculine virility
and hyper feminine agility to be the Helen
of Troy and **** up eat the Harem of
the Trojan War
i mean Helen of Troy is like the ****-Eater
mother of Genghis Khan
how many men ****** her god knows
i mean how many dead men ****** her
she made slaves to Ares...
then there's Mary ******* ****** Salmonella
or whoever that Roman soldier was
and Joseph Cuck Jukebox later Henry
if you want a strength in Christianity
i suppose you need a very powerful
Secular / Pagan overlord
systems for society to be in place
but we live in a post-secular society
haven't you noticed?
we live in a post-secular society
you noticed the trend toward new spiritualism
i mean:
it's like what happened in America in the 1960s
or the anglosphere world
of toying with oriental beliefs
buddhism:
now we have to somehow understand
Islam or there's a small lefty Elite you disregarded
the European fancy for Orientals and
decided: right! gents! gents! we found truth in
Islam and we can somehow keep
Christianity!
i married a ******* Christian woman and
she gets ****** like i'm talking to her
******* son or what
i mean as a male
and my relationship with some sort
of divinity is probably best served with:
i am naked Adam
Naked Adam is my name:
i don't have a Jesus to follow unless i am
******* weak i

adventavit asinus
pulcher et fortissimus

the donkey has arrived
a puncher and the strongest of all

i almost had poacher on the tip of my zunge...
but so little... so discouraging from
the ordeal of actual interests...

or at least there was that amazing story
of state atheism
and how it was not so much
about the capitalism and the communism:
that came later
after all economics and how goods are
exchanged and money treated:
i wonder about the mystery of Islam
and money and how as a white man
i don't have the privilege to raise children
because the economic model affords me
but how Muslims don't pay interest on loans
and they probably don't have mortgages
and can breed like Rabbits
so i ask Muhammad to be my white Rabbit
if he is to have a fight with Christ
over superiority in monotheism
i ask Jesus the Donkey
and Muhammad the Rabbit to step up to
one of Aesop's fables about
five blind men touching up an Elephant
and Elephant can be Buddha and Hinduism
or rather Buddha can be the monkey
and Hinduism can be the Elaphant
but i need Jesus as donkey
Muhammad as the white rabbit
and i might find someone with
Jackal or Fox credentials from north Africa
i might
but i have no name...

        for the time being the Eskimos and
the northern stretches of the human experience
are off bounds
there is no event of society
not the grandiosity i already know...
the west end the conerts
we have churches on these islands
CONGREGATIONS are not SOCIETIES...
and we don't have a cinema on Kauai
and i don't really like going to the cinema
the last time i actually went to
the cinema
i went to see the Fellowship of the Ring
10 times...
oh yeah... and i went to the cinema to watch Dune...
but not really into that sort curdling custard.

— The End —