A perfect man for me was never moulded by a box,
A box that screamed multitude of labels
To satiate the chaotic minds of society,
A belonging judged by feudality, no rhyme or reason required or questioned.

A perfect man for me was never measured by material things,
He gives abundantly by just being around,
An illuminating source of comfort on the other end listening,
Empathising and leaving a trail of laughter that makes me fall even deeper.

A perfect man for me was never masked crusader (okay, maybe Batman sometimes),
He is maskless for the world to bask in his genuity,
No bounds or limitations set on his acts of kindness and love,
Selfless and generous with his time, blind to any creed or pedigree.

A perfect man for me was never one to run away from problems,
Valiantly facing the raging bulls head on,
Inner strength personified by his poise and determination,
"I will get through this unscathed and no one will stop me".

A perfect man for me was never an owner of a cold crackled heart,
Headstrong, gallantly keeps the family together in a bind of unconditional love,
Lovingly adores his sunshine, making sure she knows she is loved with the same fervour,
Day in and day out, void of complains and pettiness, as the world turns.

A perfect man for me was never perfect,
Owning up to his flaws and shortcomings and being aware of mine,
A cycle that is never vicious but one that is laced with acceptance and non-judgments,
He inspires the best version of myself as he aspires to better himself.

A perfect man for me spells Y-O-U,
And the way that you are is exactly how I love Y-O-U.

Shalini Nayar
24.11.14
(C) 2014

I don't care what you know,
I care what you feel
and if everything in your head is real.

Insomnia - not made for the weak of mind, body or soul
I believe that those of us who have been gifted with insomnia know many truths
The truth of ourselves
The truth of this infinite being of a universe
For it is in myself being an insomniac, I've discovered different dimensions
Not just out there, in the world
But in my head
For I have seen the galaxies dance with the cosmos
And the cosmos dance with us, with me
It is in being an insomniac that I have gotten to know who I am
And it is in being an insomniac that I will discover my life's path of genuity, my purpose.
There are no more rooms available for grey areas.

It was 11:45 P.M. exactly
There was no more time
For any outrageous foolery.

You had to bring her home
By 12:00 no later and already
You had fifteen minutes to spare.

You stopped the car and sat
For a minute to listen
To her steady breathing.

She waits for you to say something
But you only look ahead
And listen to her breathing.

"Are you alright?" She asks you
And you reply with a smile
But to answer––it takes a while.

Maybe you don't want to admit it
But you're not alright.
Not alright with anything at all.

Not alright with the fact she's
Still with you right here
Right at this spot at this time.

Or maybe not with the fact
That her parents actually like you
And that her brother trusts you.

Does it scare you? Of course.
Do you want to believe it's real?
Of course. No gold ever mounted up.

But something still terrifies you,
Chills you to the cores of your bones
And makes your innards quiver.

Especially your heart.

But that's besides the point.
You had an imaginary woman
Stuck inside your head for years.

You're ashamed to say
You wouldn't let her out
Even though it's been so long.

She's banging at your forehead
Right now as you listen
To the other woman's breathing.

She wants out.
But you won't let her out.
She will stay with you.

No––she won't. Want to know why?
Because there's a better woman
Sitting right next to you.

She's beautiful, you know that's a fact.
She's sassy, you know that's a fact.
And you definitely know she's sweet.

So why is this other woman
The one stuck in your head
Still banging away? Trying to escape?

You know it's because you're scared.
The woman next to you? She's real.
You can touch her––she's real.

You're scared of real, aren't you?
You're scared that since she's real
She'll drag along heartbreak.

You're scared because you depend
On the woman inside your head
Far too much to be healthy.

She's fake. She won't ever hug you
Or kiss you or cuddle you or love you
She won't cry or laugh with you.

Why doesn't the imaginary scare you?
Is it because she can't ever leave you?
Is it because she's perfect?

No––obviously not.
You're not perfect,
So she's definitely not perfect.

So again, you ask yourself,
Why doesn't the imaginary scare you?
And why doesn't the real satisfy you?

It's bizarre, yes. You know that.
But seeing the woman next to you
Smile and touch your cheek,

It's terrifying.

Maybe you should leave
Maybe you should go
Hole yourself up in your room
And spend hours with the
Woman inside your head.
Maybe you should run
Before she can catch you,

Maybe––

"I love you." She suddenly says.
And you blink.
What did she say? I love you? To you?

"Why?" You ask with a cracked voice.
You don't deserve this.
You've been thinking about another woman.

"There are many things,
But I want you to know I do.
I really really love you."

She loves you?
Truly?

"Yes." She starts laughing because
Apparently you thought out loud.
You break into a smile at the sound.

She grabs your face and pulls you close.
"I love you. I love you. I love you."
And you start crying.

Because you can hear
The genuity in her voice
Clear as a sunny day.

And also,
It's now 12:01 A.M.

I know for a fact
That the genuity and sincerity
Of your smiles
Are the lies you love to flaunt
To everyone else
To make them believe
The life you chose to take
Had lead you to the hands
Of a caring God

Since turmoil within each breath
And eccentricity within your soul
Had left you with a hefty core
The life you chose to take
Has lead you to a God
As passive as can be

I run my hands
through the grass,
feeling it's genuity,

Knowing the dirt
is underneath my nails
and bugs crawl along.

I feel it
because I want to feel real,
and real things feel.

They feel pain,
they feel pleasure,
and they feel touch.

I just wanted
to remind myself
that I am real,

And I can feel,
I can touch,
and I can be.

Quote by Author: Each one of us owns a spark of the Infinite,
and since the soul is imperishable, we can go on forever !  

Every thought and every action causes a reaction  
and since your life is a magnetic field
your energies are the catalysts for creation and devotion.  

If you are kind, sincere,  accepting and possess self control
then you will attract positivity in your life.  
Your positive behavior and rightful speech is a reflection
of your soul's power and  its infinite ability for goodness.  
You are most capable of affecting others with authentic
karmic genuity,
if you live everday with purpose, and benevolent intention.

i don't know what to feel
skipping through varied presentations
from unmatchedly detached
to being suspended in world-bending self realization

jumping realities
like seats on a bus
the one where i mattered
others i wane to discuss

trying to find meaning
where there may be none
assumptions are the extension
of problems i can't outrun

even in my dreams
i'm turning on the spit
no repose from settling finalities
mulling us over until we're but its and bits

but i'm still breathing
but i'm still bleeding
day after day
belonging is fleeting

maybe i'll rubberband into a new normal
or maybe i'll snap trying
all i know is i can't just be here doing nothing
it almost feels like dying

i don't know what to feel
it's foolish to speak out of frustration
but the lonelier i am, the scarier it gets
is it wrong to hope i'm not invisible in my devastation

   𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐡!
my fairweather friends are calling
i'll just let the phone ring and ring and ring
i'm too tired to be Me™
when everything is not what it seems
  genuity don't mean a thing
  did it ever really
  was it nothing more than pity
  off to make some other history
     would you claim this as a victory
     are my questions falling worthlesssly on deaf ears
     i never want to see you again
     and i wish you were here







uiɐɓɐ sɐʍ ʇi ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ ǝq ɹǝʌǝu uɐɔ ʇi

comraderie feels so abrasive
honesty invasive
when i know you're only talking to me out of pity

isolation feels the safest
so i hope don't you take this
the wrong way but what do you want with me

because if the interaction was pure
why do i feel cored when it's through
my peace for yours
the tradeoff feels tainted and skewed

kinda wish you hadn't asked
or tried to swat away my storm clouds
be content with what you have
and i'll grieve the way my heart allows

your kindness not taken for granted
but i feel how i feel even if you don't understand it

think me oversensitive or unreasonable if you must
but i need loyalty and genuity and intensity and trust

and what can you give but fodder
why even bother

i think i just lost the purpose of my life
and you think you can just tell me it'll be alright

just cut me even deeper if you'd like
if that's the way it is