I'm nocturnal
But I'm glowing inside.
One may not see
Looking from the outside.
Upside and down
Side to side
Confusion all around.
Angry in retrospect
No longer more
I found the confidence
To break away from this internal state of war.
And to explore,
How to love
The joys of a stable core.
Solitude a welcoming friend
I failed to comprehend,
I'm sorry dear one
It was you I needed to work on all along.
Neglecting you were here for the long run,
allowing external influences
To consume, engulf, dictate,
What I was when it was you
But you are me and I am you.
I shall not forget the mark you leave
Because without you I'll give in
To all my insecurities.
Destroying us,
Like a crumbling statue
Leaking water and all that spews.
No longer will I be whole.
Who is you?
For you are not a person.
Non-exsistent.
You're my self-worth, my credence
My internal self.
And till today you belonged detached,
Mismatched, unattached.
And I shall obliterate,
that cognitive state.
For this weak flame shall smother,
And burn bright for those who wish to see.
You are my definitions
My interests, hobbies, passions
Replies and reactions.
You are the tastes buds I so dearly love.
The endless daydreams I conjure
My demure,
For you are me when I am secure.

Love me like your favorite novel,
The one with the crinkled corners and
Worn out spine; the one that reminds
You of yourself through the words of
An author.

Love me like your favorite song,
The one you took the time to learn
Each and every lyric and chord; the one
That spoke to your heart and gave
You hope.

Love me like your first memory,
The one that seems like it happened
Just yesterday; the one that you hold
On to the strongest and remember
The longest.

Love me like today's our last and
Tomorrow is non-exsistent. Love me
Like I'm all you have left. Love me
Like I've dreamed, like I've been told in
Fairy tales.

all I truly care about at the moment
is curling up in your arms
speaking of my resentment and admiration
torwards your careless character
Im so abundant with nourishment and hatred
so filled with the emptiness of me and you

If I can so raise my voice
to were every soul would listen in praise
I would speak of nothing but my loneliness
hurl out and send words into the universe
of my collasal seclusion

my hair grows and with it months of solitude
I almost feel like I cant write anymore
like my words are meaningless
because you will never read them
I will never bare arms
I will never look in your direction
where will inspiartion come from

when your sitting in the park alone
the grass nestles and makes noises
damp from the rain earlier that day

the bench is dark brown
and I sit on it anyways
my pants get wet

I dont care

I stare at the sun
it stings my eyes
and I become further annoyed with myself
further annoyed with my day
and further annoyed with my life

the light makes me feel lonlier than ever
the sounds of the birds singing in harmony
make me feel hallow inside

the sounds of cars driving by

I hope you remember the days
I hope you remember the non exsistent apology you gave me

I will remember everything

How can you be the boy I fell for?
You've grown angrier,
You've grown grizzly and cruel,
Your heart seems to be buried deep,
Your smile has become non-exsistent,
Your laughter has become complete silence,
You don't even glance my way,
Sorrow fills me when I go over how you've changed,
You were once a kind,caring and gentle boy,
Once you were heartfelt and your smile was worn playfully and proudly,
Your laughter once filled the air to no end,
You once stared for minutes at a time,
It's hard to believe it's still you,
But still I can tell by the gleam in your eyes,
Your dark brown hair similar to my own,
Your lips silently waiting,
I can tell it's still you,
But only because my heart still cares enough to realize it,
No matter how you change
Old feelings may always stay the same.

Love to some is a metaphorical creature
it moves in the night possessing those who sleep with another,
it lives inside everyone whether it be platonic or not.
This metaphor of an iridescent emotion is not a force to reckon with,
it breaks people into two,
controls them driving them completely insane,
it hurts the innocent putting their self confidence to shame.

Love to some is a burden,
it burns your insides to oblivion.
"mother it hurts" she isn't there to help because this internal pain isn't something that Jim could fix.
In fact Jim will make it worse.

love to some is a quick release,
a fix,
a drug,
a metaphorical object mental illness that wont leave their mind body and soul.

love my dear quick run and hide,
some of them want to use you .
What they use you for is either the worst thing in the world,
or the best thing in the entire universe.

However love for me?
is non-exsistent

I was empty handed,
And yet my heart full,
They didn't see,
They we're blinded,
To consumed,
To distracted,
They came first,
I came last,
They wore masks,
I just hid,
We were impostors,
But they played,
And they won,
I always lost,
They we're fools,
Their vision
Non-exsistent,
As was I
On days I cried,
They never
Stopped me,
They let me hurt,
Let me injure myself,
And before long
I was just scars,
Proof of how
Little the world cared,
Before I died
They didn't know,
They didn't know me,
Or my pain,
Or my tears,
Or even my scars,
They knew the impostor.

'hello yiss'
his voice echoed through the four walls of oncie's cell
he'd been there for 4 years

gru's long nose
his non exsistent chin
his lack of neck
his long lmbs

'want to go to ze moon with me?'
yiss
yiss i do

This memory of us which I do not share
Hold onto beyon depths of all ruts
A moment that felt of sincere
The most secure
About what you mean to me
And remain a place in heart
Honestly didn’t expect , so this memory I’ve never shared revealing my moment of true care for you removing years of doubt I always felt
Everything changed
What was always said, the real meaning of true friendship was no longer just words
But something that I felt and now understood
Cause we always mistook things that weren’t even spoke
Giving us a taste of the sandyhook
Remaining alive , center of the disasterous path it weaved
Leaving speechless on how to rebuild
Attempt to heal things not meant
     Hospital bed, coming to side ; squeezing in as I lean at your chest
Then began a quick rest
You never spoke , not even a sound
Remained still though cramped in that tiny patients waiting bed
Time going by
Still no sign of you even being real
You remain still
I assumed you were in own zone
Don’t know if you felt some wave of what i consumed in something of so many things that were all too real and hard to reveal Cause it had feels
A friendship I never believed
Disregarding your words of expressed care and love that you shared for the bond we built a friendship that be constantly stalled in building up.
I ****** up and thought too much
Made myself think I was Trippen on what I felt
It wasn’t real
Something in Munich head
Cause you weren’t really all there
You were no where near
And silenced vibes no physical motions
Made me feel I was honestly on my own
Just with physical feel cause the owner mind and soul were off seeking some guy and struggling its own mind of so many past nights
I killed my feelings of real and moment of love in the doing at being to my side cause there’s never been such type of cool connection in relating to us .
Exsistent in present time I’ll never know
Nor do I wish an answer to provide clarity of mind
Whatever it be
You there with me and all
Or simply gone out in another realm
Doesn’t matter at the end
Cause was I cherish to the most
And never exposed
Means so much to me
Not even this of what I write can really
Tell how I feel and felt
What change it made
The vibe of friendship once filled of doubt and thoughts of lies
Now washed , given little trace and
Added feels of a bit more to be some home
Knowing the battles we will fight
Won’t diminish our care and love
We will always remain great friends
Even when things are not said
Or if we go dead
But that I added as a last minute joke cause well I don’t do closings to my feels all great and ****
But that’s how you know it’s real
A random close to something meant to be forreal
So swoopesdela- ooomf

Love is___ (Finish this sentence)

                                   Magical? Incredible? Mystical?
                                    Destroying? Confusing? Ugly?
                                          Never or ever- lasting?
                                  Heart breaking or heart healing?
                         A road to happiness or a road to sorrow?
                                                 Non exsistent?

**Please, I need to pass this test.