A lack of motivation
Not knowing where to start
A desire for something different
pulling at my heart

Who knew that dreams could be so tough
that they could cause such pain
that reaching out and grasping nothing
would become my lifes refrain

Is it stubborn-ness that keeps me
banging my head against this wall
or is it knowing that by giving up
I'd not recover from this fall

So for now I'll keep on chasing
tilting at windmills if you will
for no matter how bad failure tastes
quittings a much more bitter pill

Mindless pander within the dome of reason
Bickering more or less with the walls and self
Punishment, punishment: **** you fool
Death and the universe coincide, collide
One being, supernaturally existent
Normally abnormal beyond logic
Dreams of dreams about dreams frolic
Goals pace themselves towards the gulliotine
One little sheep, two little sheep: dead
Oh elusive sleep, why do you not embrace me?

and I know who I am.
Like the clack of horns clashing,
Knows the ram.
Or like the torrent of rushing water,
Knows the dam.
Their intent expresses their character,
and their words expressed their intent.
Although they try,
the point remains
as elusive as line one.

and for a brief moment
i swore that the world i had once knew
would never return to its complacent being

the elusivity of time had made its way into
my brain and suddenly,
we all realized nothing had mattered in the slightest

This word,
I stole it.
No reasoned rationale
could ever give me an out.

My path has hills in it’s way, not mountains.

This word was a gift for those buried by the rock slide,
Or clutching to cliff’s edge, losing oxygen,
Not for one who merely needs to trudge one foot in front of one foot in front of

Stop!

It feels like I’ve come to a stop
But it’s a rest without respite
I looked around and took too much reality inside
And now I’m the one who can’t breathe
But I’m not even one foot off the ground

It doesn’t make sense
Scary in that sense
I had to combat its elusivity
It was the only thing I could think to do

I stole their word.

I’ve never felt so broken.

Transience.
Nothing lasts.

Transience.
My lost pasts.

Transience.
Smoke and mist.

Transience.
Embers kiss.

she came to me, freezing - and
that grounded me
there, because i could not stop
dreaming
of warmth and its elusivity after
the waking. and i
was glad
for the cold, because i knew it
meant she was real, that she wasn’t
another delusion

sometimes the poles of the earth dont quite line up
i know the physics of the situation doesnt reflect it
but ive seen it happen

if earth is the mother then who is her daughter
and is geomagnetism recessive
or is it more of an affordance
becaue sometimes i feel like ive been near her
like ive felt her gravity tugging at my skin
its hard to describe the way she says my name
when my eyes are tired and my limbs are heavy
i can never tell if its a misfire in my state of partiality
it always does feel like neurons colliding sideways
like rubbing a thistle backwards
but theres a certain charge in the air every second thursday of the week
there are moments of clarity in which i can taste the shift of atmospheric pressure
in which i feel such elusivity formed concrete so briefly
and in these moments i can just make out the reddened sky through my half lidded perceptions
my neck will prickle and my cheeks are always wet with tears but i can never pin exactly why
the trees beyond my window are no longer green
and theres someone at the door i think
but thats when i will fall asleep
i never meet the visitor i never see its face
at least i never quite remember when i wake
but my hands will have a certain texture on those mornings
and it doesnt really wash away but rather fades until i can no longer recall if it ever even happened or if finally i will break