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E Dec 2020
Dysphoria is lifting a hot cup of bare black coffee to your lips
It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and third degree burns on your skin

It's one of the strongest romances I've had
She stalks wherever and whenever
Yet when pools of blood start to pour
Subsequently from slashes on my wrist
A smile stands tall on my brim

The story of hypocrisy beyond comprehension
How could a human find themselves in obsession
With disorders more dangerous than inventions
And still hold empathy in question

Truth is,
Despotic relations fueled with dissonant expectations
Transcend into deeper feelings of euphoria
Barbwire grappling my throat for seconds that feel like years
But then the pressure suddenly decreases
I'm left with rusted thorns and gaping flesh
Undoubtely grateful to stay alive
Relief washes over and taking a breath feels heavenly
As the opportunity to face demons comes again
The chances of overcoming rise above my head

Hazard and danger don't become horror anymore
If you take it by the throat and butcher it first
Growing into a body you dislike
while everyone is having the best time of their lives
you can't help but feel envy
people can show more skin than you do
because you hide in fabric that binds
people can go about daily conversations
you can't due to anxiety on how your voice sounds
people can walk into bathrooms without thinking
while some wonder if they'll be assaulted simply for being different

the presence of dysphoria hinders the quality of life
it's painful.
it leaves you jealous and scarred.
and the presence of euphoria reverses every horror of dysphoria and slams it on its head.
euphoria makes you feel ****, empowered, powerful.
Anxiety and stress erase while you feel radical and loathe in self-love for how you've crafted yourself to feel happy.

The existence of hate and how I am expected to accept it into my life, turning it upside down and under, makes euphoria even more satisfactory. The feelings of radicalness I feel will never be felt by a cis person. They do not hold the same roles to accept that their life will be miserable and unlovable on the basis of gender identity.
Mike Essig Apr 2015
Thanksgiving.
That glorious day
of the year
when my family
gathered around the fowl
like the Waltons
and then acted
as if it had been stuffed
with ***.

mce
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2016
as ever, not a preference, or a pr.s. (pre scriptum)... more like an afterthought... never presume too much in case of diacritical ownership or necessary use... the language had terrible fathers... sure, once they said thou instead of you... nay instead of no... thee and still said you, as in: to be (that's thou without the index finger)... but when they applied diacritical marks ******* their faces, they attracted ridicule no one seemed to be bothered about... kinda like a Copernican trajectory... why put a dot above iota? well, the answer is the same as saying to clown-juggler (a) jesus... and saying to clown-juggler (b) yehovah... apparently the former is a res vanus (an empty thing) and the latter is a res cogitans (a thinking thing)... and a crucifixion is a binding process... collateral damage: it's the reverse... and you get to keep your yuppie christmas lights... but there a limb missing... ý and j... both have adequate indicators of children with single mothers... it like this genetic encoding, ** for woman, xy for man, xxl for a t-shirt... but why bother ι (iota) into owning any diacritical marks? that's ******* overly presuming to start things off to an Orff composition of a bulimic neptune that's why i suggested diacritical marks on a y... to transfigure it into the presupposed j... you know how many diacritical marks you can add to an ι? many... you can have a dozen brats while you're figuring out the plumbing... presumptious... presumptuous... see! false applicability of diacritical marks makes you a ******* worth of spelling! you're bound to be naturally dyslexic... ****, what a magic trick! ****! gone! dis and then there's dys- and the lexicon going berserk... make your ******* mind up! yes, i know that between dιs- and dys- the former means without, and the latter actually means an adjective, i.e. bad... or a jumbled up lexigraph; then into the tornado machine we go peacocking at the height of synonyms... but i still find it overly presumptious... ****... presumptuous to apply a dot above an ι (iota) and subsequently a dot above a non-diacritically existent j... it's how you yoyo and how you jump... there's so much ambiguity in anglican that the yhwh was drunk obvious... hence i'm drunk... and stating the obvious... you can clearly apply many other diacritical marks to a letter, rather than simply applying two: to aye and to hurray and forget the rest... rhyming couplet that... follow suite with jay... but write anything else in anglican and you see a Cardiff lazy... first the cymru, then the gaelic... well, you have to... given that english didn't come but shakespearean from the caribbean or india... you have to mind saying syrkloffipompusdumpus in Cardiff... it would be a bit diff not not... be gentle... get the rolling hills motto into that word, extract syllables like a German, or a chemist, please.

sometimes it really takes an evening like this, you go through
them until you hear the prompt and emerge on stage
and say a few lines...
you start off with *the connells
74 75,
then move onto blind lemon no lemon,
then through to kula shaker govinda,
      then reef with gimme you love,
    then onto snake river conspiracy
with a cover version of how soon is now,
then you decide to take the steps toward
formalising a mix-take (ancient history
courting techniques, high fidelity crap,
and i did manage to make one for a former
girlfriend... how ancient it all seems right
now... it also seems that i should be
70! by the looks of it... sadly i'm not...
yes yes, my teenage dreams was to work
in a music shop... swear to god, once the mp3
format came out i knew now future anti-Beatles
maniac had his hands tied and couldn't
buy the Beatles vinyl and burn them...
what can you do in Tron-land that's equivalent?
buy a Salman Rushdie and rekindle the
          bonfire night of Munich?
i had a muslim friend that really fancied
natalie portman... but because she is a jew
that was kinda difficult... how about
i obliterate that problem with alicia vikander,
hey there, poster boy... reach for the stars).
the thing is: we're in an en masse shock,
it happened all too quickly...
then came placebo with pure morning,
and then back to covers, daddy cool -
             and then back to boney m with
rasputin... and and then i picked up a book
by jack spicer, and then i thought:
i hope that i write enough so they can do
a my vocabulary did this to me: the complete
collection
, yep, i hope they can't hone in on me,
that they can only print (if ever, yuck)
           a selected works artefact
which, given the Darwinistic interpretation of
history... is not even worth bothering about...
the damage has been done historically,
it's answered in seven (if not more) news channels
with 30 minutes of original script, repeated
24/7 until another headline blip appears and
changes the narrative, just a tad.
    indeed i did pick up a book i own by the
san francisco renaissance poet jack spicer...
      and i immediately forgot what song i was
going to d.j. after i finished with thinking about
what she said when i made that mixtape for her:
listening to king crimson's epitaph at
around 5 a.m. on oxford st. going to work...
              i don't have a library, i have an a-to-zed
of avenues, streets, possibilities...
i don't think... i make cocktails...
                       the un-literal... literally applicable.
philosophy really taught me to not crave intimacy,
or bemoan it as some genius robotics inventor
who equates all things responsive as necessarily
needing an artificiality... so where's the antonym
dividing line between artificial and superficial?
men are from Mars and women are superficial?
               oh sure... we can have this talkshow logic
going round and round...
   wolves don't bark, but the domesticated dog
can't wow us with a howl... is that whining or whimper?
and i know i don't have a novel in me,
      tragic (said keith lemon style)...
                    because i never wanted a zoo,
or wanted to cage anything or see cages...
and then become scholastically holistic -
                      it was never going to be a chance to see
"the whole picture"... at best all you're going
to get is interruptions in my life...
        which is hardly what you'd call the disappearance
of Tiger Woods after rumours circulated that
he owned a harem...
                               and i really do believe that
hinduism got one thing wrong... Shiva is a girl's name.
        shaven... never stirred... sounds just about
right as if were indeed a mexican ****** drinking a mojito.
yes, we can have a mini lecture:
i abuse language, i enslave it, language the over way
round can have a bunch of protestors with
placards walking down the street and chanting slogans
that never make it into advertisement...
     speak ill of the Pharisees: get crucified...
speak ill of the plebs? they disperse - ha ha... i should
know... i could be considered a pleb anomaly...
        broad shouldered and strong enough to move
a tonne of bricks (once)...
             so anyway... i picked up this jack spicer
book i have (that ****** Lorca fetishist!
he'd **** his **** any chance he might have)
   and this weird thing came about...
i lost track of what song i would play to
murmur out the clicking sound of the keyboard
(forget it, typewriters were rapists compared
to computer keyboards) -
             it's from the poem phonemics -
and by god... i'd be gutted to have derived the same
conclusion... and i did...
    yhwh is a phonetic study...
esp. given the anti-diacritical approach of anglican
pragmatism... it's not exactly what people
expect you to believe: circumcision and kippah
and niqab... that's for people who own
about... well a single book or as Erasmus could
have said: in alles reiche... including spanish
dutchland...                        it's not even
mean-spirited that i say it: i said once:
i don't want fans... i want snobs.
                                 any respectable man with
a following of siusiumajtki (a queer way
of saying the verb of ***** and majtki?
                          )maýtki? ý, yep, rarely done(
just means underwear... what the pop stars
get when they ****** standing up)...
                   i really feel like i should write
the second to last part of the poem...
   it's itching me to do so...
             i just don't understand why i see it differently
to how jack sees it... i treated it as the case
of two Adams... aleph and ayin being
the protruding vowels...
                i didn't treat aleph as a consonant...
  maybe i made a mistake in doing so... but akin
to the Greek principle and the rule of prefix and suffix
you cut apart omicron and get o- out and attach
it to ν (nu) - of course once you cut up ν and extracted
n and forgot about the cascade that leads you up
to upsilon - to get the word νo out from the pick 'n' mix.
unless i'm speaking dutch, then i think that
makes sense.
              why wouldn't aleph and ayin be vowels?
           Semitic languages aren't going away...
as is neither the semitic religions... forget it...
it's too complicated, adding to the fact that i'm
bewildered about treating vowels as women and
women veiled and women in hiding and consonants
as men... in the same way that the Latins hide
their children in English... children? diacritical marks...
where the **** are they?
      you get them scooped up by consumerism,
only about 10% climbed a tree...
          the rest are churned into premature adulthood,
and you wonder, with all these advertising
campaigns why most of them develop mature
negations of ease, in ref. to premature depression...
  you wonder... where are the children? swallowed up
by another set of pop idols?
          did they ever play with marbles,
or hide & seek, ever played games with girls
and toys and tic-tac-toe?
ever skipped a rope?
                         it's fading because it's being exploited...
so you end up with a song that prescribed this
poem, folk implosion - make it with the best...
from the soundtrack to the film thirteen...
as it stands i need a refill, and i'll probably cite
the poem by jack, giving about half a second's worth
of care for copyright laws of a dead man...
   just so i can see if my logic serves me right
in saying that hebrew has to variations of a-,
as in aleph (א) and ayin (ע), as does greek
  with thought (θ) and philosophy (φ) -
but let me get back to you on that one.
Aubrey Feb 2015
I still wonder if it's me who was the dys-
in our dys.functional family.
I sit atop guilt
as though it were a fine bed.
And bed is where I stay, most days.
I am the same.
Could the future be the past--
since time's not linear?

Escher struck me
not because of his geometric impossibilities...
incredible symmetries...
but my wandering mind was drawn
to the pattern, repeating...
sinking together pieces in a puzzle...
             you know the feeling.

I know it may not seem clear
but there is some stability
in fear.

You should always know what can or is killing you.
We can argue if fear is a choice,
and maybe the usage is wrong,
but death's voice isn't truly welcome
until you've seen it's face more than once.

And what do I know of facing death?
Nothing.
Standing at the razor's edge
and a stick-up and Eye-Mart Express are as close as I've come.
So,
it's fair to say
that fear, for me,
sometimes isn't a decided election.

It's a place.

The sleep-with-one-eye-open,
pray-for-omens,
waiting-for-that-other-s­***
place.

The optimist says,
"I will be prepared... A beast of battle."
The pessimist says,
"A meeting with the creator is best."
The realist says,
"Get over it."

When I watched that fly
on MTV
buzz about that ****** chic
Deftones video...
when I heard the stories
of money and glory...
and power...
and of the sour...
I knew I was done for...

It's so 'Romeo and Juliet'
except
no one will sing about my love affair
with the warring houses
of drugs
and self-worship.
Ken Pepiton Apr 2020
2020 - day 103 -- a long and winding story, fun, I re read it twice.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020
8:04 AM

Pharoah-ism is a thing.

It's in a class of words holding forms for governing,
herds of humans,
who can be fit to the form, walk this way,

like an Egyptian, indebted for all your worth

Trillions and trillions, soon enough,
the ghost of Everett Dirkson laughs at
another billion attributed to Carl Sagan,
"we ain't even thinking real money any more."

To whom does the government of, for, and by the people,
owe all the nation can invent

Some day we will learn each bit of reality, but

we, as a specie, a valued mod on the base line
must access our global brain.

China -- that is -- the military mind of China,

has egged on
the military might of the USA, offering hope

for all-out war on peace, for no reason.

War has never had a reason for which any good
could come. Never.

And I will defend to the death your right to disagree,
but not your right to fight and destroy me.

If peace and war were to meet on a distant shore,
peace might move inland, but

now, we meet here on earth as mere ideas empowered
by the codemaker; peace and war

tete a tete, cabezo y cabezo I betcha, like dos cabezos

peering ahead on I -10... on the road again...

this is a changing station stage of life...

fold down time.

monster employers, users and maintainers of
common flesh and blood eyes, ears and hands,
people of the commonest class;
some times sitting in boxes,
some times standing in lines, sometimes

watching welder robots do your dad's old job.


--- capital
= money = time.

Gotta minute?
Invest it in imagining you think, as in,

think

who holds those, no, not those,

these truths, these factions of the whole
truth
faction, not fraction,

truth
and nothing but as sworn to on tv via mirror neurons
and solidi-fied, pur-chased, caught, netted,

in plebeian pledges of allegiance from first
grade, in the sorting of useful citizens,

some may serve at the highest levels, lifted via
lessons proven learned in standard tests,

-- number two pencil, fill each box, complete-ly,

so a machine can discern your answer, and punch
through the insulating paper, to signal
each bit of evidence

coming into piles of assorted usefull knacks,

mark this one. Feed him Wattie Piper, make him
think, I can
think, I can, think, think a little think...


We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of

How did Einstein think?

AI ai ai, we know. Not in words. Einstein was taught to think

in whatification. What if I

--- nail the sun to the sky and feel the earth move me at
-- twenty-five, or so
-- thousands of miles
per fifteen three hundred and sixtieths of a day
-- and a night, one whole day...

but N D Tyson taught me that trick, not Einstein...
and not all things count as worthy,
relatively, of attention paid.

The worth of a thought's open door invitation to the curiosity we
enjoy


Semantics (from Ancient Greek: σημαντικός sēmantikós,
"significant") 
is the linguistic and philosophical study of meaning 
in language,
programming languages,
formal logics,
and semiotics.
It is concerned with the relationship between signifiers
—like 
words, phrases, signs, and symbols
—and what they stand for in reality, their denotation.

On the subject of secrecy in general,

ah, no, we've no secrets, for here we have no truely
believable lies,

the truth will out, we say.
Life ain't fair, death had no hope, that's just

the way it is.
Wait and see. We had ein kleiner Gedanke, once
upon a mythical histerical time,

ah, think of any first blood in a world of secrets, such as we

formed from, even in famine, some seed was sown
each season,

some seed remained from first story peoples, preserved
in sacred places, safe,
until the dawning on you, that this is true, life always wins.

brightly lighted stage of history

no weakness... save where the blade meets the soft flesh
beneath a noble head bowing to think


fringe brushes my gnostic-itch, son of a gun,

son of a blade, edge, point

pierce the air, no pop, no apoptosist apostasy, see

we use words with no definitive meanings, right?

significance is cast aside, who cares
that's just semantics, I don' quibble bout {sign-if-i can-sense}
significance
or sign.
I wonder did we double down on a word righting there,
did we give meaning to a barely breathing

wind born lie, some interruptions signify engagement of

a clutch, a tool to grip the wild spinning trans-
*******, while

we slip into something more comfortable.
A higher, cruising 12 to 1 gear

My neighbor from two hills north, is coming to sit a while,

the guy has been called Cowboy, as a name, since all his siblings
knew him.

He is a walking archetype. And my friend. We share some burrs,
from wild meadows ridden on sole leather,

leaving a steaming auto-mobile by the side of the road,

aaah, the interruptions {more, with Oliver gone}

any line in context, is a step past last, a first of all the nexts

Nexts?
Options. Who determined this? My will being to discover this
fringe connection to the persistence on the fringe

of string theory strangling struggling

genera general, whole sorts of hu-mongolian signif-if-if ier yous.

Yous guys includes girls and nobody makes me say,

wombed AND un-wombed, man. So yous, youse, y'all you all;
you,
samesame, okeh. Plain and subliminal, wait and see. Losers win,

when they stop fighting fair.
Die and see what happens,
or imagine
you
know some body who did die and before he did he said,

Hide, and watch. AND now, you see,

caution once cast to the wind, calming all the rage required

to oppose the forces

¿? quare, sistere, wait, feel the urge to know, a click calque

see, new old idea, an old idea studied to the point of a word
formed to signify a set of things

cal-que-able, in curios kurio terms derived

from Phoencian merchants, who set up benches in all the ports.

Users of money, milkers of the exchange, worth-ship of silver,

balanced on the craftily formed me-assuring thing,

eight silver tid-bits makes one golden one, tid-bits fit

fingers, excluding thumbs, for thumbs play a role

mechanically in holding any thing, even

steady -- com-pre-hensive press press sure...

you got it, knowledge

ex-spands into wow... did it work?

Did we make a handle? Or a tool? No pressure, guess.

And Dave Goodman, rides into the west, with a QVC Lid-Lock

full of fabulous pasta cheese and celery, with peas.

A culinary experiment conducted by the grandmother
of all my grand children,

a most mazing teacher of balance's pre care-ious role

on an inclined plane sure to flatten the curve

--- are we in historical moments a generation long,
--- with second generations arrows
--- never quivered, these shafts I shot by faith at unseen things,

for which I have reasons. Were now the war,

we all agree war always cost far more than its worth in death,
robbing life from mankind,

unaware if there ever were a gospel truth. I say don't study war with carnal weapons.

Words carry us into real contextual contests for human sanity as a whole,
we can make peace,
we all can breathe easy, loose the tight jibbs {jaws}, gritted molars, loosen up...

Historically, it seems riddles became de riguer in ifity, but plainly,

only surviving stories survive.

Science knows no story which was eaten up and troubled m'bowels and made me know

boom boom boom, montezuma's revenge

in the spirit kah-blewy con ef ef ef fectual fervent

prayer/sayer saying/praying in timeless harmony

if we can agree... no good we imagine can fail,

let chirality meet diversity and error meet ciliation

conciliate celebration,

conciliate (v.)
"overcome distrust or hostility of by soothing and pacifying," 1540s, from Latin conciliatus, past participle of conciliare "to bring together, unite in feelings, make friendly," from concilium "a meeting, a gathering of people," from assimilated form of com "together, together with" (see com-) + PIE *kal-yo-, suffixed form of root *kele- (2) "to shout" (the notion is of "a calling together"). Related: Conciliated; conciliating; conciliary. The earlier verb was Middle English concile "to reconcile" (late 14c.).

take away my anti-grace, de
ify my chance appearance,

dance, mirror neuronically, sitting your chair-saddle,

y'put y'left foot in behind your right and

boom
y'hit a but, but this, but that, but some other thing,

you got only so much mortal attention,

so when one door closes, whatever you need, is not there,

here we see the old wise man who saved a city and no one knows his name,
he say, redundancy of instruction is the way of life.

fectual per effing e fect, non sensicle semantical ice, Gibsonian ice,

no sweat, we are wrapped in white linen,

we broke on through and waited for you.

Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also.

words we remember were words
meant
to stand tall understanding all things


differently, re
reading, the scene from Night Scenes in the Bible,
that
was a level of knowns
effectually un provable but by
common movie-complex unbelief release, let it be

-- lower missing efs, finding more attention {behind the scenes}

ef-fectual is conjugolly confusin my prudent nature.

or higher, north or sout, plus or minus h

who cares. We made it. This is today.

Meek inheritance day or the spirits judged by the degree day,
a holi
day
in which they trouble their own house, and recall the point that
pierced their own soul,

so to speak,

survived hating your own self for other's sakes,

sakes meaning  goodness and graciousness which

constitute the happy bits in ever,
the treasures found,

where a man's heart is,
my diamond farm is yours now,

my gift to you... only words.

I inherited the wind, my job is to finish melting the ice.

God and sinner reconciled is a song,

does that make it less true?

For us, ever began before today,

so today is that day or it is not, we wait to see

or we wait and see, seeing if

this were the day, when all things go my way,

or come my way, in the course of human events,

I may be ready if readiness is some form of kurios

assurance, blessed, said *****, in a song,

I agree, blessed assurance,
Hey-sus is mine, find his words bring comfort

2020 paradigm shift is common parlance, Cowboy uses that
and logos regularly and he is

old, by mortal standards, for an archetype he's barely ligandary
to most receptive sub caudal imps.

they can feel

him biting the bullet,
gritting his teeth on the Gerber Bowie-wannabe blued steel
blade, re-imagined in reread instead, bullets bitten can go off,

I know a kid fired a deadly-for-a-mile bullet,
with a hammer and a rock, so, knifes are dangerous, too,
so
as a mime-ical biting down, per
haps this hero-in-forming bites

a wooden drumstick, beating now with one,
biting down on the other
boom
boomto doom boom
boom
boomto doom boom... and as the beat goes on,

fringes find loose ends and latch on...

Dirac was an early Cher fan, and she was something like dys
lexical survivor of the year,
if she can, anybody can
I think I can read faster than

hmmm, slippery *****,
speaking memes as old as I remember, then

by the time I wondered if she were real or
a con structure
I lose my footing

slip on something comfortable, this promises to be

that night, in the legends, just prior to a marked, edge of night,

ever after post. Will you still love me,

tomorrow.... deeedly violins lift away any hope

of redemption, oh, ma, it was 1963, you had to have me

to sing your blessing into,
to hide your gift in me, no one must know, oh god
bless his heart...

no part of this vision is clear, nor plain, why is this my beatrice
cockatrice

Olden day, Robinson's cowboy preacher son, sowed a saying in my
core, I sup-pose, put
his phrase formed
an ever more pleasant link to Wikenberg,
on this shelf, see, we can remember the target by re

reading... remembering never drink from the Hasayampa.
and you can tell the truth
by
aquiring point on conscience. Taking thought.

Ethos keeps insisting we are in some offensive mode.
Thus the call for concentration, we are tunable now,

on some oldies but goodies websites...
Kenpepiton.com, for one.
mytechpeople.com is possibly in the archives.

Calebland.com long left to a bland b-break lacking dash,
early urls. imaginable as answers to
either wishes or prayers,

or desires... unseen, unthinkable tools to augment a

satisfied mind, completely ******, no direction home...

here, my heart, my contentment container,

at the moment, indistinguishable from any mortal concept of heaven.

Robinson's father's saying: {remembered just in time}

some times you have to stomp your own snakes.
he may have said, you gotta stohmp yerown dam'snakes,

but never would he have said: one must stomp one's own snakes.
Long -- but a fun run, kept my mind from waxing sentimental on the loss of my dog.
Grace Sep 2021
i am living the days a prisoner lives where every moment feels the same and nothing is exciting.
i am locked up in a pretty scape of land
my dreams are made of sand
and castles crumble
and my own hands are numb
the brand of illusion.

dystopian
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2018
-

who said my life was interesting? i didn't, sure as **** i remained covert, but suddenly the lies started sinking in, he started breathing fire, and i started breathing ash... we agreed that both us were to remain insomnia, or rather, live in the unconscious of the living, he would wake them, while i would allow them the circus fancies; so we watched a bit of bergman's wild strawberries, i'd mute the t.v. and watch, i'd write, what was being "said" while listening to music... he'd sit sober as a judge, while i'd drink like a jester and poke fun at the fact that: not every drunk can dis-dis-clone-dyslexicon-dyslexia... ****... SPELL! in a furore!

ernest! stay on cuba with the absinthe
and the shotgun... wait your turn, mo'fo...
cast of characters
(a) dr. isah borg
            (b) marianne borg
             (d) dr. evald borg

                  any of them, born shvine?
cheap jokes, an empty theatre
and an echoing laughter coming from
the echo and no cave...

a - where are we?
   b - the children wanted to stretch their legs
a - but it's still raining
b - i told it's your great day: they want
     to pay homage
         - slept well?
a - yes, but i dreaming; i've been having the most
ridiculous dreams lately
b - why ridiculous
a - as though i'm trying to say something
      i don't want to hear
b - what's that?
a - that i'm dead although i'm alive
b - you know, you and Evald are much alike
a - so you've said
b - Evald has said exactly the same thing
a - about me? i'm not surprised
b - no, about himself
    a - he's only 38
  b - will i bore you with the details?
a - no, i'd be grateful if you told me
b - happened a few months ago
    - i wanted to talk to Evald, so we drove to
the sea.
      - he sat where you are; it was raining then, too...

           i'm pretty sure at this point
my "plagiarism" is not really a "plagiarism"
since, Mojo B overe there is deaf as an oak
trying to lip read the movie,
as i once lip-read a nurse going to work
in a surgeon's theatre,
so i said, excuse me miss,
   can i not look into your eyes
but rather read your lips,
this clamour cackle iron hoof stampede
is doing my head in,
   can i read your lips instead?
   on a train, going from
      (DYS-LEX-IA! U.S.A! U.S.A.!
          DYS-LEX-IA! U.A.E!)
    goldersgreen (learning a karate
chop while learning to not cry
when getting kicked in
the ***** is a hard lesson to learn)
to some honk-honk outpost
for recruiting the new pool-ease
enforcers... Hendon?
                           /
d - well, now you've got me trapped,
supposed you want to tell me something
unpleasant

            (d! shh... i skipped a bit...
  don't tell Mr. Fantastic about our little:
do me tender, build me a temple
bits... i spent a good amount of
bourbon on this crap)

b - i wish i needn't tell you about it
d - i understant, you've found someone else
b - don't be childish
   d - what do you expect me to think?
   you say you want to talk to me
       - we drive all this way and i'm still waiting
   - for god's sake, marianne, tell me what it is
now
b - you almost make me laugh
     - so you think i've done a ******?
   stolen money?

           (1st narrator interlude:
   apart from me cherishing emotional
irresponsibility,
                  and having duty? yes...
you wouldn't exactly taking
a ***** donor's ***** theft, would you,
mary?)

      - i'm pregnant

   (2nd narrator interlude:
   and they lived, happily, every, after)

d - you sure
b - it's definite

        (3rd narrator interlude:
  lucky for you mate,
   the one last time, 10 years ago phoned
me up an' says: i think i'm pregnant...
     oh look... it, a clown with a sad face
but happy eyes
                                   )
                                              (
               ­                    )
                but at least it's definite,
rather than: i think i am:
i.e. it's only my indefinite self scenario)

d - so that's the secret?   (4th narrator interlude:
                                             tissues and the toilet
                                         are mine,
                                        well, you know,
                synch. if your eggs are nothing but
yolk at the end of the 6th day,
                          on the 1st day my ideas are
nothing but day, year, zodiac, 0)

    b - i'm tell you now that i'm going to have
this child

   d - you put it bluntly
    - you know you must choose between me
and the child
   b - poor Evald
  d - don't "poor" me
    - it's an absurd life; even worse to make more
  wretches... and think they'll be better off
b - don't equivocate
   c1 - call it what you like, i was an unwelcome
child, all right
       - is the old man sure i'm his son?
     c2 - very touching, but no excuses for
childish behaviour

   d - must be at the hospital at three,
  won't discuss this
b - coward
d - yes, i'm a coward...
        
    the best you can do is watch the movie...
and you already know who
C1 & C2 are...
                          
   as with b - you know this is wrong
     (i.e. "this": hard to point the blame at
yourself, isn't it...
       hard to chant mea culpa) -
by now pronouns masquarade as
gender orientations,
given the neuter: it...
                            
                          righ­t now pronouns
are more about spatial coordination than
anything else...

  but you already know who C1 and C2 are
in relation to B and D,
      as you know that A and D are related
as being father, and son...
                as much as B is related to E,
who is of course the predecesor of B in
relation to A.

if i found this text on the internet,
well, a simple ctrl c ctrl p...
               and to think i can still read my own
handwriting.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2017
gender, gender, dysphoria? you sure it's not simply
*****-envy?
      big feet, big hands story,
   piece of ****?
    dunno, sparrow cute, ease to fit in your mouth,
although large enough to give
a ******* an ******?
what's that?
    i know of beard envy, but after my late 20s
i stopped,
        why do i keep it? just got bored of shaving,
i'm being told that i need a gardener to sheer
off excesses of *****-texture ****** hair...
i just can't believe they limit the orthodoxy on
the matter...
dysphoria resembles a dissatisfaction with life
in general, it doesn't exactly resemble
the inclusiveness of the "debate" being fathomable
in a gender-orientated universe.

+1 / A-plus for the intro,
which is completely unfathomable to me...
what about dys-phrenia? the noun
doesn't exist, but it doesn't matter whether
i flip the coin or whether i take the "gamble"
seriously...
        
you know that bell's whiskey is on sale,
16 quid's worth of a litre?
    **** fine, i'm going to have luck the next
few nights...

  what was i thinking of the past 30 minutes?
ah... the ******* son of ח‎ (chet) -
revised / "improved" from hebrew,
into greek, namely into π (pi) -
      a transformation that occurred
exchanging the third-party source
of the vowel, i.e. hebrew *tzeré
,
that became the "greek" chirek / omicron,
given the absurdity of the homosexuality
of letters in hebrew being evident,
while the four remaining vowels remaining
in a "niqab"... what?
   א‎ (alef) & his homosexual lover,
the ע‎ (ayin) -
     **** as hell, bruno's nodding on that point...
might as well hide the consonants
to explore the vowels...
  heavy breathing during ***,
and the "onomatopoeia" during ******...
only in hebraic do two vowels,
that are both A, exist as worthy of a consonant
status... no wonder:
look at the summary in symbol...
  ∀ and A... move the middle part a bit down
and expand it to resemble a Δ (delta)...
what do you get? the star of david...
the universal quantifier (∀), or ע (ayin)
coupled with the particular qualifier of (A) or א (alef)...
to me, the jews provided humanity
with the perfect symmetry...
      can't help but being a judeo-philiac...
then comes the latter investigation...
a meeting of the east & the east, in the west,
namely jewish chiromancy, and japanese sūdokú...

   shin-heh-yod-heh-vav
      ש‎     ה‎      י‎      ה‎     ו‎

the puzzle ends with a variant of a chiromancy,
namely?
  
    this is how a puzzle finishes, with a desire
to invoke the pentagram, i.e.:

9 6 5 2 8 7 4 3 1
4 2 1 3 5 9 7 6 8
7 8 3 1 4 6 5 2 9
3 7 2 6 1 5 8 9 4
6 9 4 7 3 8 1 5 2
5 1 8 4 9 2 6 7 3
1 4 9 ? ? 3 2 8 ?
2 3 6 ? ? 1 9 4 ?
8 5 7 9 2 4 3 1 6

and the question marks?
hence the chiromancy...

thumb: 9
                \
                  9 - 8 - י‎ (yod)

index: 1
              \
                1 (ה = 5 - heh)

middle: 2
                 \
                   2 (ו‎ = 7 - vav) - 6 - ש

ring: 4
           \
             4 (ש = 6 - shin)

pinky: 3
               \
                  3 (י = 8).

    6 + 5 + 8 + 5 + 7 = 31...

        what's beside the point...
            i simply believe in the revision
of gematria... in order that the jews might
move away from the genesis
of this grammatoclasm:
akin to copyright laws regarding words
such as pepsi, or coca-cola...
        
i believe in meditation projects,
  but i don't think this can be achieved
through linear arithmetic "manipulation"
of words...
  i give you the arithmetic of the numbers
4, 5, 6... with respect to the letters to meditate on...
and only, only, on the japanese canvas of
a sūdokú.
Mateuš Conrad May 2021
the ingenuity of gears and with that:
a strict obligation (to) momentum,
or at least having that cardiovascular
expression on your face
while passing peaches and cream
that she - it's always a she - sees on you
like you're ******* her...
besides... cycling against the wind
is more fun than spitting or ******* against
it... there's that but there's also:
back toward the airy-fairy lacking
a moral ought-i thought...
the ingenuity of gears...
or how walking is nonsensical sometimes:
or pretty much all the time
or how walking really does flatten
the horizon... considering how: hunched and
elevated on a bicycle... you can find
elevations and downhills when otherwise
**** erectus posturing flattens
whatever's on the "demand"...
etymology of: tango... it's not mango...
i can almost see it... tan-           -go...
once upon a time... i can be excused for being
young once and doing a tango
with Fiona while she stepped on my feet...
i can be excused for not asking her out
while she orientated herself to my presence
like a dog-leech...
trigonometry i.e. sine cosine... tan? so'w-c'ah-tow'eh?
tread-mead: and all things meagre?
meadow... flour, water... dough...
there must be a third corpus of celestial
beings... beside mere angels and demons...
now here's an etymological "conundrum":
genius... genus: jinn...
                  i'm a genie in a bottle blah blah...
because what would account for
imagination... originality...
Newton and... rocket...
vector... iron *******...
           or like looking at **** from
the perspective of *******...
or Nabokov's ******...
where's the legality of the cut-off point
when... for example... King John "Lackland"
married a... cherry... aged 13...
about 2 hours of cardio opens
up the mind to tease certain taboos
more than any amount of drinking will, ever...
allow...
how are these creatures spawned?
intimidated by... women with more
****** experience?
i guess so...
take me for example...
from lack of a better terminology:
libido "insomnia"... to be this perpetually
invigorated by *******-****...
commercial or not...
         upon the treadmill of intimacy
with no clarification of monetary boundaries...
long established plans...
the hell with "hooks" and "mortar"....
(at this point... misnomers, crypto lingua)
it would hard to get a hard-on...
like what? i'm somehow making summary
of ingesting ******: yes... on the *****-nilly
a hard-on all the time... no!
however... whatever might be deemed
an erectile dysfunction (dis- / dys-
as i once prompted an old man on a bench
with, using the example of
disease...  the negation of ease)
               disappears in the brothel...
when it's certain what two individuals are
about to do, conceive...
procreate for the ******* gymnastics of it...
it: being the act of piston churning...
butter-spreading... apple-pinching...
the ugly-bollocking of what escapes the act
when tenderness is applied
to the formality of lips and the most
****** part of a woman's body: her hands...
or cheek-to-cheek like some Sinatra drool...
well... that's that...
now there's some d.i.y. to be done in the house...
some cleaning... some dinner to be cooked;
**** me... it's windy.
cmp Dec 2019
outside dys comfort zone
i lay upon humanity depth though murky sediment absorb me not

outside deaf comfort zone
i experienced such excruciating silence from yesterday,tomorrow and today's well of souls  

outside corporal comfort zone
i expected nor time progressing aches or pains of accursed crone

outside eternal comfort zone
i gasp at ew vast view of lite spreading toward era of less atoned

outside agnostic comfort zone
i repeatedly merged another's sown path without direction bond with wrath of adrift connection

outside infinite comfort zone
at constant blink of countless others eye iv'e been there, done here loop where ye tried, experience and encountered what not
warp-perk

— The End —