dreamt in strange shifting blocks, interwoven and with startled faces, sentencings spoken wordless. woke up to the blurry thought:

sometimes in talk, i am confronted with ideas that in no way reconcile with my own structures. in response, i often choose to not say anything, or let it uncomfortably sit in my gut. in cases where the opposing point won't be heard, i suppose this is alright. but, when my own rooted beliefs are challenged in a valid manner, it is more akin to the silence of shame than of dignification. is this symbolic of the internalisation of a more sound philosophy, or inability to process it against the grain of my own?

avoiding argumentation where it is of little purpose is one of my prime conversational aspects, and in an overarching paradigm avoiding unnecessary speech in general. but what internally portrays as tact can come off as indignant coolness, or bitter indifference. so, do i continue to speak in only the meaningful outer lashes, or let down the floodgates to some degree?

human interaction doesn't need necessitate grave importance at all junctions, and sometimes the most comforting talk can be of nothings (which i still find myself often party to, despite my self-portrait of filtered short-spokenness).

how do i open myself more to accepting or understanding when points are more sensible than my own, and integrating them into my consciousness? for, surely, if i disavow myself from giving up dated sentiments, i shall truly stagnate.

At the age of 10, I had a conversation with a woman.
I remember asking her what games her many children played.
Did they play as I play?
She told me they enjoyed roleplaying games, and I asked what she meant.
Dress up, she elaborated. Acting, make-believe, telling stories.
I remember telling her that I felt I had wasted my youth, my childhood, and this, as if I had forgotten I was 10.
There was a seriousness to my tone, stoic-like, and a mighty dignification must have kept that woman from chuckling.
That conversation was closer to half my life ago, and I still meet with that same unrelenting sadness every other morning and every other night.
I remember the half-dreaded birthdays that followed, the recent ones the worst.
And every year that passes merely confirms the suspicion that I’ll live with that yearn for the rest of my life regardless of what else happens.
Yearning and I. Whose to say we don’t have 10, 20, 30 more years together?
But it’s nothing to worry over in the end.
I’ve turned into a person who has high-highs and low-lows,
And I’ve found that the highs are worth going down under for every once in a while.

The Conflict

John booms and rides his chariot in the oppressed light,
Angel souls drink from the sun.

As babe, cried Love! First before else,
The lover dutiful to heart
Pursued its path.
Light roused a dark fogged town,
Neath treacherous seas
Were tides of harmony.

Then the odyssey steered to hell,
Adorned by angels and by saints
On every bloodied branch and wire,
Man atop their souls bones
Fires of heaven were seized:
Great knights rose from fire of that kingdom
To conquer, vanquish peril, redeem world
That drive man into torment's climes.

Yet the dubious demon stalks
In rank duplicity;
And heaven's knight drinks up lightning
To rebel raw.

John booms and rides his chariot in the oppressed light,
Angel souls drink from the sun.

As a new celestial democracy by love elect, and it is now a year of age since inception, the eternal Heaven redeemed. And yonder, Kali is the deva presiding over all: her wisdom, teachings are the fire yield by mind to mantras. Neigh is the aegis of the Godhead, and the return of Krishna to consciousness. Without divinity is no passion. Supreme being, effervescent energy, in incessant motion, eternal delight, are necessary to the flow of the cosmic plan.
From this incorruptible font what the churches call heathens. Heathen is surgeon of the spirit; Church is the stagnant cage of soul.
Saints are sinner. Darklings divine dwell.

All domesticated divinity and captive creeds have been cause of our division from Heaven, not our union:—
1. Heaven and Hell are not located on opposite celestial poles
2. They are two real principles, that solitary Self, from the truth aloof, is hell; and that Heaven, in all holy life, is its dignification
3. God is not a vengeful sky Lord wont to torment their child but consists in a state of mind connect to the eternity of love and light.
These further principles function in the universe:—
1.Heaven is unity, our becoming one with the supreme being of cosmos. Hell is isolation, intensified by selfish acquisitiveness and the city wall mentality.
2. The problem of Self (hell) is surmountable; Heaven is the coming of age of consciousness.
3. God is the motion of creation

A spirited fancy:-

As I was climbing the wings of soft fire adorning John, awed by splendour of their enjoyments, which to Reason look like madness, my heart became drunk on beauteous visions, in streams of dreams and fires of gold, thinking that as all perception chances on elements of truth, so these dreams of Heaven showed the fabric of reality. When I came home to the prism of my five senses, consists in which a metaphysical arrogance, I returned as Angel of the South, an honorary pleasure to succeed Buddha, who ascend to faith defender, Jesus? To God. With love's light imbued I scribed for the tribe my perceptions easily accessed if you follow the direction of the melody of dreams:

"The majesty of multitudes,
Are embodied in the expanse,
Her bodies waltz and pirouette,
In celestial romance."

Mantras of Heaven:

There is nothing to fear we are all one God

All the world is love and light

There is nothing on earth as exquisite as you

The world is a myth, the cosmos our home

Be joyous in the music of the universal song

Don't ever give up the bounty of truth

The cosmic churning is magnificent music

There is nothing left to fear but truth

Imagine all the people living life in peace

Peace in life living people the all imagine