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Bo Burnham Mar 2015
Our father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
hollow be thy promises
and shallow be thy shame.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
On a scale of one to ten,
our Lord is totally eleven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
toasted close to dawn,
and forgive us our trespasses
as we shoot those who trespass on our lawn,
and lead us not into temptation,
such as *** or *****,
but deliver us from evil
(if not delivery, then DiGiorno).
Carlo C Gomez Jan 2020
Today I got taken out
of my box and nuked
for a dizzy-filled eight minutes,
all my artificial byproducts,
and something close to,
but not quite called, meat
melted and congealed together
in a semi-appetizing way,
just enough to be consumed
in a famished **** of teeth,
gums, and spittle,
and here I now sit in a pit
--purgatory's gut--
dreaming I was made of real
pepperoni and sausage,
running free in the open fields
of DiGiorno.
Inspired by the poem "Monologue of What Was Once a Sunkist Orange" from fellow HP writer Yacov Mitchenko, which is a really good poem by-the-way.
andi Apr 2020
what dictates a date anymore?
i'm unsure.
ever since the virus struck, i've questioned so much.
is my degree working toward something considered "essential"
or will one day in the future when another sickness rules, i be laid off
and labeled
non-essential?

my whole life i've been non-essential in people's lives.
i've been the off-brand toilet paper that people wait till the charmin's run out to buy.
i've been the wal-mart brand frozen pizza that serves slightly less purpose than digiorno.
why haven't i ever been the prego? the heinz?

i wonder why.

and what dictates who i am?
is it the labeling on my outside, or the contents within?
what did you look for first? my bright colored packaging or the nutritional value on the back of my canister?
did you search how many calories i carry? the baggage i've brought along during my stroll through the store?

if people are browsing ever so constantly, why am i always left to live through my shelf life?
until you picked me up.
oh, god, you picked me up off the shelf and you looked at me for much longer than anyone else did!

what happened to the stroll in the store? i'm gliding.
you've whisked me up and it seems as though you didn't even get a chance to see what i've been through: you've decided. you want me.
i want you too.

what dictates a date anymore?
is it a stroll in the grocery store?
i hope this is true, i want to be with you.

— The End —