do i want to die,
or do i want to fly?
if i cry,
will it reach the sky?

The stars won’t reply,
and i always deny, deny, deny.

breathe.

one, two, three too many nights i was left too alone.
one, two, four too many months i felt too lost
one, two, five too many friends made and lost.
one, two, six too many open wounds on my skin that i can no longer feel.
one, two, seven too many abandoned thoughts
one, two, eight too many times i was cast aside.
one, two, nine too many things i said were worthless.

one, two, ten, we've made it this far.

one, two, nine too many minutes i was too panicked.
one, two, eight too many aches i tried to ignore.
one, two, seven too many days i have been sick of myself.
one, two, six too may waves taking my breath away.
one, two, five too many words left unspoken.
one, two, four too many opportunities missed.

one, two, three; *breathe.

she looks like perfect porcelain from far away
but up close she is caked in grey clay.

her soul is torn
her heart is so worn.

she seems so distant
but she has learned to be resistant.

they think they know the inside of her mind
but she knows they are blind.

she is aware
but opening her mouth would be sitting in an electric chair.

she stays mute
hoping to find a higher route

but her hopeful sanctuary
did not bring her any glory.

all was lost
with so many paths uncrossed,

so much knowledge forfeit
wise minds now dormant.

tears paint down porcelain cheeks
stone eyes let out silent shrieks.

she is finally only hard bone
she could never stand being alone.

my blood ran cold
i cannot be so bold
i don’t know what to do.
i turned red with envy
and green with greed.
why can’t you just read my mind?

the world doesn’t spin that way
my mind doesn’t twist that way
maybe only in the wanderland

our fingers won’t tangle that way
my body won’t work that way
maybe only in the wanderland

i don’t know the sea
i don’t know how to be free
i don’t know how to find my voice.
my heart turned blue
my fingertips are violet and violent,
why won’t you notice.

i want to feel that way
you can’t shield me that way
maybe only in the wanderland

hell froze over
i cannot find cover
i don’t know where to go.
my life turned grey
the sun turned black
why can no one else see?

let yourself rest.

the days are nothing but inspiration.

pain is temporary.

daydreams are live motivation.

flammable, the fields of my wants
amber waves of grain
the fruits of my labor
just being mined away
the old gods' graces fallen
and shriveled to grey
i am being burned